ana. ❁ lrh

1.4

Luke's POV

it's been two weeks now, and I still haven't seen Sam.

her mom got to talk to her on the phone last night, but they said that was all she could do.

I was worried.

I miss her like hell and I just wanna cuddle her.

they said she's not doing so well. they've ran many tests to focus in on her triggers, but so much has happened.

she told me they said Sam often was thinking about me.

when they run brain tests, they throw your fears at you and you dream about it so they can study you.

they said I'm always yelling at her to wake up.

I tell her things like "don't die" but she can never do anything because I can't hear her talking.

they also said she has dreams about her father. things like flashbacks and memory trauma.

they've tried to help her gain also, but she still weighs about 80 pounds.

she won't eat under any circumstance, and she usually gets really pissed when they bring her food.

she's hasn't had any attacks yet, and they monitor her while she sleeps with a machine every night watching for anything.

but they said nothing happens. it's like her body is trying not to attack because she's in there. like her brain is fighting it so she can't be helped.

they said they've done everything they can, but they need her to basically go crazy.

anyways, I just really want to see her. school has been hell, and most of the time I just skip. it's like I'm not even breathing without her.

*one week later*

Sam's POV-

if this asylum were to catch fire and burn to the ground, I would die. all I really want to do with my life is to simply... end it.

I've been swallowed by the dark pit of nothingness in my mind, and my whole existence has no remote purpose.

Luke doesn't deserve me, I'm just too broken. he deserves to move on like he's never even met me, and to find love.

I'm not worth his love. I'm not worth the oxygen I breathe.

"let's go" the guard huffs, pulling me out the door into the hallway. it's colder out here and it sends shivers down my spine as I cringe.

I shuffle down the hall while being pulled by the guard, all the way down to the very familiar room. 

"hello Sam, you look tired today" Dr. Brown chimes annoyingly as I slump down into a chair.

"I'm always tired... tired of being here" I huff rudely, curling into the chair and hugging my legs closely.

"I understand that you are scared and.. homesick maybe. but we're trying to help you Sam." she continues, sitting down in the chair across from me.

"Luke is coming in an hour" she says again, sipping her coffee calmly.

a sudden happiness fills me, and it's soothing to feel happy again.

I jump out of my seat, and stare at her with wide eyes.

"seriously?" I ask, feeling a tear drop roll down my cheek. .

she nods and I feel myself tumbling to the ground.

my knees crash to the carpeted floor and sends a rush of pain through my legs. I fall heavily onto my back with a thud, as my head smashes against the floor.

"oh my god Sam! are you okay?" I hear Dr. Brown panic, but then it all goes black.... and silent again.

*

I wake up surrounded by light and warmth. I hear the faint beeping noises of machines and I remember me falling.

a spark of pain flows over my body, and I feel as if I'm nothing but a lost soul tapped in this body.

Luke appears at the left side of my bed, with dark circles under his eyes and tear stained cheeks.

"Sam? oh my god Sam you're awake! you're okay!" he says as his smile shines through the sadness on his perfect face.

"I'm not okay... because I'm still alive" I speak with almost no emotion at all. I'm dead inside, I've hit rock bottom.

"no baby, you need to stay alive. the doctors here think they know what's wrong. you could get out of here soon" he says, his smile fading slowly.

I try to be happy, but it's as if my body wants me to feel nothing.

the thought of happiness fades from my mind, and I stare at him blankly.

"no" I say.

"what!? Sam you hate it here, why wouldn't you want t get better don't you want to come home with me. don't you want to be home?" he panics, his face shows that he is hurt.

the thought of him being sad fades from my mind again, like I'm not aloud to even think about Luke's emotions either.

like I'm just some rag doll.

I try to tell him I want to come home, but the it hits me.

I'm doing it again. I'm having a bipolar attack.

it's the same as always, like I'm trapped inside myself looking out at my life. and I don't know how to stop it.

"I'm better off dead! I'm useless" I raise my voice, as if the bipolar takes over me.

I try to tell him to get a doctor, but no words come out of my mouth.

"you're my everything Sam... I need you" Luke croaks, looking up from the ground again to look at me.

his eyes red and teary, with that same darkness and tiredness under his eyes.

I wanted to hug him, but I couldn't move.

after a few moments, he gets up and stomps out of the room.

"get me out of here please! I can't stand to watch her wish her life away acting as if she has nobody to love her when I'm so in love with her I can't sleep at night!" I hear Luke yell behind the hospital door, probably talking to my mom.

I can still feel my face emotionless, but a tear rolls down my cold lifeless cheek.

but on the inside, I'm already bawling.

"she's sick Luke! she's depressed and bipolar and not herself when she says those things. she been through rough things and I thought you understood!" I hear the familiar voice of my mother. she was upset, but hearing her voice was still so soothing. I missed her...

"Mrs. Jenkins, I think she's having an attack" the familiar voice of a nurse panics, and then I hear the door click open.