ana. ❁ lrh

0.8

Sam's POV-

I wake up wrapped up in Luke's arms.

at first, it feels good... no, great.
I feel safe and happy, and warm.

until I think some more.

I panic.

I wiggle out of Luke's grip quickly, kicking forcefully to free myself.

my breath becomes heavy, I'm in shock. I don't know what to do!

I can't keep sleeping beside Luke. he can't love me. nobody, loves me. I'm nothing. NOTHING!!

luke wakes up and looks at me with a concerned face. he's shocked too.

"babe? what's wrong?!" he asks startled.

"I- I... can't. I can't- do... this" I choke, tears streaming down my cheeks.

"what? Sam!? stop this" he says, walking towards me.

"no" I shriek, flinging myself across the floor.
I hit the wall and let out another loud sob.

"I can't! luke I can't!" I scream, shaking and sobbing.

he slowly walks towards me, and my body does it again.

I panic. why was I panicking?! I had no control.
the voices in my head told me nobody could ever love me, and my body was going with it.

I fling myself again, near the bathroom door.

I pull myself up on my feet, and lean against the wall, my knees shaking like hell.

my head is spinning.

what's happening?!

•

Luke's POV-

I have no clue what to do!

she's never, ever done this before. yeah, she's had melt downs and mood swings. it was all part of being bipolar.... but this was crazy.

she wouldn't come near me. she's crying and screaming and.. trembling like I'm going to hurt her.

her body was flinging around like she was a different person, like she wasn't even human.

I panicked, and called her mom as fast as I could.
she was over with my mom, and she soon rushed through the door.

•

Mrs. Jenkins POV-

I knew what was happening. and I knew luke didn't at all.

she was doing... it again.

*flash back*
~"mom I'm fine!" she yells, slamming her bedroom door in my face.
I hear the lock click shut, and she kicks the door in from the other side making a loud thump that echoed through the house.

I run downstairs to the kitchen, picking up the home phone and dialling 911.

"I need help, my daughter is having a bipolar panic attack involving a psychotic state of mind" I say, scared for my daughters life.

she had only done this once before, and she almost killed me and herself.

the bipolar can take people to levels of mood swings and depression and you become so out of it that you have no idea who you are or what you're doing.

Sam was upstairs, loud banging and thuds coming from her room. she was smashing things and kicking in the walls, but I knew I had to wait for help.
the help I needed to control her.

•

after they got her drugged and back to the hospital, things didn't get better.

they told me all about her conditions, and how these things are happening to her.

they said that Sam had managed to develop psychotic depression, that wasn't fully there.

Sam wasn't all the way psychotic, as crazy as that sounds, and she wouldn't have to worry about the everyday symptoms.

but they knew it would attack her from time to time, and all we can do is make sure she doesn't kill herself. besides the escalated depression, there was no fatal symptoms~

*flash back ends*

I explain it all to Luke, as we waited for Samantha to wake up, as she lays in the hospital bed.

I knew Luke was shocked, but I also knew he loved my daughter.

•

Lukey's POV-

after Mrs. Jenkins explained to me about Sam, I was shocked.

all I could think about was Sam this morning, and how she freaked out.
she was... so scared. afraid of me. afraid of love... afraid of life.

I wasn't giving up on her.. on us.

•

Sam's POV-

of course, I'm in a hospital.

my eyes flash open, and I look around me and find Luke. he's curled up in a chair beside my bed sleeping quietly.

he must have been here all night.

I can't remember everything, but I do remember not being me.

I was that... monster again.

like before.

the first two times with my mom.
and how much damage that caused.

I know it's not getting better from here.
only worse.

here comes the pills, the rehab, and the tests.
the IV needles, the weird injections and brain scans.
the monitored sleeping, the studied behaviour.

I know luke cares, but maybe not this much.

maybe not as much as it will take to stand by me. after one of these attacks, I'm a walking nightmare.

and I have no control.

❁

hey !!
ik, it's a crazy update :/
a lot happens and it might be confusing. ADVICE: read it over if I makes no sense. you'll get it soon.

I told you I was thinking about where the story was going..
make sure to vote + maybe check out some of my other fics ?

:))
-mikayla