𝐞𝐯𝐚𝐧 𝐩𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬 ♥

i need you

jimmy darling gave the best hugs. it's one of the very few things he allowed himself to be proud of. no matter which member of the freak show it was, or the reasoning behind it; whether they were feeling down, or overjoyed. he'd wrap them up in his warm arms, tug them into his chest, and hold them tight.

that's what i loved most about him; his compassion and will to do good by others – and his hugs. since the very moment i'd met the curly haired brunette, i saw straight through his smirks and red temper; he didn't fool me for a second. beneath that rough and tough exterior, there's a heart of gold.

which is why i found myself driving all the way out to the grounds of the designated "freak show". the sky had begun to darken over an hour ago and now everywhere around me was pitch black. the stars and moon absent above, making tonight seem all the more eerie. but the fairy lights strung up outside the candy-striped bell tents lit my path enough to where i could safely hunt down jimmy's trailer.

i'd passed by eve and paul on my way over, the pair staying up late to chat alone on a picnic bench. she waved at me whilst passing but all i could seem to muster up in response was a half-hearted, wobbly, pathetic excuse of a smile. if eve had seen the tears glistening in my eyes, she had said something, anything and not let me carry on my way.

now i find myself stood on the rickety steps to the trailer door, hand hovering to knock, yet still i make no move to touch the wooden surface. i can't bring myself to go to him even though i know he's awake, the stale yellow lights in the windows promised that. the blinds are drawn shut so i can't see what he's up to, making you all the more uneasy.

what if i bother him? or interrupt him while he's busy? deep down, i know he'll always be there for me through thick and thin. but it's just so hard to open up and be vulnerable, even with my best friend (and secret love of my life).

but i'm over thinking this. i just need to knock. i just need jimmy.

a trembling fist taps on the door softly, hardly loud enough to be heard over fats domino singing the blues. so, after steeling my shoulders, i try again, banging unintentionally harsh on the frame.

the music abruptly silences, and although the rational part of my mind knows that i have nothing to fear, i still feel your heart pause in its beats. it's quiet as i wring my hands together, the sweat slicking them thick and gross. and then the door finally swings open, startling me into wide eyes and a breathless pant.

jimmy's expression had been tense until he saw me, then it melted like butter on a hot knife. i hastily wipe away the tear tracks that had stained my cheeks, trying to appear far stronger than i really feel right now.

then i smile up at him through the tears.

"doll," he exhales sadly and quietly. "need a hug?" jimmy unfolds his arms from where they'd been crossed against his chest, welcoming me with open arms. and just like that, i crumbled instantly, falling into his embrace as a sob racks through my body.

my fingers curl into the cotton fabric of his wife-beater, clutching onto him with the fear that if his arms unravel from around me right now - i'll completely fall apart. but jimmy doesn't let go of me once. instead, he fastens his hold around my waist, a hand guiding my head to rest against his heart with a gentle hand.

jimmy buries his face into my hair as i whimper. his heartbeat picks up speed and i can feel its vibrations beneath my touch, thumping with nervous energy. it's completely quiet while he pulls me inside, the door shutting behind us with a barely noticeable clank, and i shuffle into the hot trailer. the air in here is muggy, damp from the summer heat as it seeps through the cloth of my outfit.

for a long while, it's quiet, nothing but the barely audible hush of jimmy's whispering and my gut-retching crying to be heard. but the two of us just stand there in the cramped cluttered space of his trailer for what could have been hours. for what felt like forever. it's not until i've let it all out, the last of my tears drying on my cheeks thanks to the help of my best friend; that jimmy finally decides to move.