𝐞𝐯𝐚𝐧 𝐩𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬 ♥

anxiety

kit walker was always a loving person. ever since he was a kid, everyone around him would congratulate him for his compassion and caring tendencies. kit would get teased for being sensitive or "womanly" to which he would defend himself with "what's so wrong with bein' like a woman, huh?" these personality traits followed him through adulthood and gained him a reputation in his small town for being reliable and charming. kit had a heart of gold; but the world has a nasty habit of destroying all that is pure and kind. the universe seems to have a vendetta against those who are good and genuine, so it desperately tries to snuff the flame of love in the hearts of good people– kit walker was no exception.

when kit was attacked by the universe, he was punished for surviving. he was thrown in a torture chamber with hundreds of other lost souls who were victims of the cruelty of the world, or their own mind. the people who were hurting kit couldn't see his compassion through their own eyes, all they saw was the murderer he was painted as. everyone around him was so sure that he was evil, he began to forget his true personality and believe that he really was the bad person they said he was. nevertheless, he found love in his personal hell, and he used that leverage to keep his true sense of self until he escaped. unfortunately, the universe wasn't done crushing kit, and both of his lovers were taken from him, leaving him to fend for himself against the pain of his past. kit believed that he was doomed to fail to be the genuinely good person he once was.

then, kit walker met me, and everything fell into place. the pain that followed him from the asylum was eased around me, not totally gone, but made easier. however, the world had tried to crush me, too, and the pain that lingered couldn't be cured by love alone. the pain that followed me was in my brain, wired in my chemistry, and it made it so much harder for me to be myself. kit helped me though, and kit accepted me and attempted to shield me from the cruelty of the outside world. sadly, kit couldn't alter my brain, and sometimes the pain inside me overtook me. kit did what he could, but he wasn't perfect. sometimes, all kit could do was be there for me.

***

kit walked down the sidewalk, his footsteps and the breeze the only things breaking the silence of the sunset. a small smile was lingering on his face, a gentle ripped of excitement spreading through his body at the idea of seeing me. kit had bad days, the horrible memories of the asylum ingrained in his brain popping up throughout the day. he usually flushed these images away with the thought of us.

his dark eyes lit up when my house came into view, his pace quickening slightly as he anticipated the picture of my smiling face and the warm feeling of my touch. he ran his fingers over the cool ridge of his house keys, his heart picking up as he reached the doorstep. he was in a good mood and he was so excited to get to be with me.

when kit opened the door, his smile was wiped off his face and his heart dropped. i was curled up in a tiny ball, my cheeks wet with tears and my chest heaving with each strenuous breath. kit was by my side in a split second, his smooth voice attempting to soothe me away from this anxiety attack.

"hey darlin', just breathe, okay?" his voice was calm and steady. "concentrate on your breathin', stay in the present." my heart was beating sporadically, my hands trembling as i curled myself tighter. kit knew how to handle these panic attacks: don't freak out, don't move suddenly, and be empathetic. he made sure not to get too close as to ensure that i didn't feel trapped and he definitely didn't touch me too suddenly.

"what do you need, darlin', huh? just tell me what you need me to do and i'll do it." he waited patiently before i managed to control my breathing enough to stutter out.

"water, please." kit nodded before retrieving me a glass of water. he set it beside me before kneeling directly in front of me.

"you think you can count to ten with me, darlin'?" kit smiled as i hesitantly nodded, his eyes meeting mine.

"one," he spoke clearly. i trembled, my breathing hasty and uneven and panic written on my face.

"t, t, t." i stuttered, gasping with each sound.

"take your time, darlin', try to steady your breathing." his voice was soothing and grounded me to the present. the horrific images of my past trauma resurfaced mere minutes before kit arrived home, yet they broke me down into a shaking ball of panic.

"t-two." you sputtered, and kit smiled.

"that's good, darlin', i'm proud of you." he assured me. "three." i held my breath for a second before releasing it and holding my breath again before breathing in.

"four." i said clearly. i had stopped trembling so hard, but i still struggled at containing my breathing.

"five." kit looks at me encouragingly, his eyes urging me forward into a peaceful place.

"six." i said smoothly, reigning my control once again.

"seven, you got this, darlin'," kit placed his hands in mine incredibly slowly, the skin-to-skin contact anchoring me to reality.

"eight." my breathing was steady, and i was barely trembling, but kit wanted to ensure that i was as good as possible.

"nine." kit grinned.

"ten." i smiled back at my wonderful boyfriend, his eyes relieved and calm and full of love. "thank you, kit."

"no problem, darlin'. i'm proud of you." he gently pulled me to my feet before engulfing me in a tight hug. "you're so strong, you know that? you deal with things that other people could only dream of."

"i wouldn't be able to deal with them without you, love." i respond.

"well then," he laughed quietly. "looks like i gotta stick around, huh? how's that sound, doll?" i chuckle before pulling his lips to mine.

"i wouldn't have it any other way."

________________________________________________________________________________

AHHHHHHHH I WANT A KIT WALKER HCJEWHGUHFUYSE!!! like his accent and his compassion and THE BAKERY SCENE (it was me not grace btw). asylum has got to be one of my favourite seasons of ahs but tbh i can't pick favorites i love them all. 

ilyasm & tysm for reading

-abigail<33

27/11/2022