𝐞𝐯𝐚𝐧 𝐩𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬 ♥

poppin pills

you sat on your lonely chair in your awfully quiet house- something that is usually unbearable. but today it was blank. everything felt blank. you didn't even feel butterflies when peter kissed your cheek goodbye. everything was blank except the one thing you wish was. your mind. it ran on repeat like a broken record, the same few sentences over and over.

you tried blaring music, you tried the lessons your therapist taught you but still, there was no way to get your mind to shut up. it was only you tried, you tried, you tried. and it was never you tried and made it, it was always just you tried your hardest and failed.

so as you sat on your lonely chair, in your lonely house, you reached for your pill stash. with your ziplock bag of unknown pills in your hand, you braced yourself for your next action.

you didn't want to hurt peter by returning to your drug addiction, but you just felt so alone with out them. the drugs had such a strong hold on you and you hated yourself for not being able to let go fully. you didn't give it a second thought, you put the pills in your mouth and took them. you didn't know why you wanted them, since you had gotten everything you never wanted on drugs, why go back?

but you made the worst mistake of your life that hurt not only yourself but every person that supported you. this time felt different because you didn't want to wake up from the high that those drugs put you on.

everything looked like a fucked up version of the sky. you felt like you could fly, and usually this felt amazing but, the guilt tore you apart from the inside out. you could run your hands over the cotton like clouds, you could fly above them and even grab some only for it to shoot out of your scarred hands and back into the sky.

something grasped at your face, hands and legs. it was unnerving and you fought to stay up in the clouds, you didn't want to leave. these dreams are the only thing that kept you happy.

suddenly you weren't in the sky anymore. you couldn't fly anymore.

something was persistent on pulling you back down to earth, back to reality and you were falling. falling hard. while you fell, you began to hyperventilate. you couldn't breathe anymore, you couldn't fly. you couldn't even run your fingers through the large soft cotton clouds anymore. this isn't what your dream was supposed to be.

you closed your eyes and opened them, and suddenly you were in a different place. sweat ran down your neck as tears welled up, someone began to squeeze your hand.

through a shaky and broken voice, you cried out for you boyfriend. peter maximoff. but it wasn't working. you could hear him but he couldn't hear you.

"please, no" he cried. "fuck this is all my fault, i should have noticed. shit."

you tried to call back out to him but it wasn't working.

as you layed there listening to your boyfriend crying and sobbing, you began to see a light. you saw shadows of people coming forward towards you. your parents, mystique and a few others. your mom held her hand out for you and you took it.

"i love you so much farrah howard" was the last thing you heard peter say before walking into the light.

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i thought i'd try out using the whole you thing.. i don't like it LMAO. this is really depressing but i wanted to basically put how i feel in an imagine and publish it in hopes that someone reading this feels somewhat similar.

ilysm and if you do feel like this my dms are always open

-abi

30/01/2023