I'm Vic Criss and my life sucks...

9

- I can't believe he broke up with me Reg i-i
Yeah i'm fucking sad over this, and i'm allowed to be upset because first off it's the same day as the last entry and it wasn't meant to go like that I was supposed to be the one to finish the relationship and i meant that to go smoothly but this fucker just shook everything up and messed it all up!!
- C'mon Vic calm down, breathe...
Easy to tell when your plan isn't in shambles.
-...why are you so upset anyway you said you didn't like him...
Yeah i didn't like him but he liked me, he really did, and just to betray me for something stupid and- and it happened so abruptly, i mean we could've talked about it, it wouldn't have ended like that- how would it have ended if we had talked about it ?
We probably wouldn't have broken up and then i would still have had to think about trying to do the exact thing he did. Yeah it doesn't make sense at all does it ?  I didn't wanted and yet I'm so offended he doesn't want me... Maybe...Maybe...Damn i feel defeated saying that but maybe i did like Peter, but i like Reg much more so that's why i didn't realize, and also liking Peter makes me an absolute loser and a massive clown.
- I liked him i think.
And here it goes, that judgemental look throwing « told ya » right at my face. He's right i know but don't rub salt in the wound man.
- Well...
If the words that come out of his mouth next are « I.told.you.so » i am going to murder him and then myself.
-...he didn't deserve you anyway, that guy is a complete ass ! C'mon here Vic i'm sure you'll get over him in no time i'm sure...
Well yeah, hope so. I'm not gonna die because of that dumb shit. Yeah !! I'm totally over it already i mean look at me. I'm Victor Criss goddamit, the second most popular guy at school ! Well i use to be... Now i'm just an ex somebody. Surely the rumors got down but they still tarnished my reputation like hell, and, even if Henry and i aren't « enemies » anymore you can't say we're as close as we use to be when we were kids...Truly i don't usually rely on nostalgia but i miss Henry, not the one i described at the start but when we were young, y'know, it was different there was something in him that's not here anymore. Before his mom left Henry was more human, he cared about us , even if he didn't show it often deep down i knew he really did care about us. Now i don't see anything he's more of an envelope that creams than anything else. But seeing how his life affects him maybe it's not a bad thing that i keep my distances with him. Not gonna lie my grades have gone up a little bit. They weren't that bad  to start with but still, maybe being nobody again will save me from peaking in highschool. But i don't know what to do aferwards, i should be figuring stuff like that instead of crying over Peter. The nerds at school are probably gonna have better jobs than me in the future but atleast i'll have some stories tell at the 10 years reunion. Only if being gay is okay in 11 years and a half. Maybe i should say something i've zoned out for quite a while. Nevermind he's still rambling.
- Why did he leave you anyway ? He's a mad man i'm telling you Vic.
I'm sort of hesitant to tell him he left me because i didn't wanted to have sex with him, i mean him and i had dated for 4 month maybe i owned him something. I don't know, well even if he makes fun of me atleast i'll have an outsider perspective.
- Well he came to my house and at first it was fun, making out and shits but he insisted on going further and i refused and again he kept begging to have sex with me and i told him no again and so he broke up with me.
- So you're telling me this bitch touched you without asking, tried to make you feel  guilty when you said no and then when you said no AGAIN he threatened to leave you ?! Dear God !
- Well yeah if you put it like that it is terrible but it wasn't the first time he made me know he wanted more and i always told him i didn't wanted to and like we were together for 4 month like it was kind of the logic going of things i guess.
He looks flabbergasted like i just told him i was going to explode his house.
- Vic do you listen to what you're saying ...?
He grabs me by my shoulders, looking at me in the eyes. Is it THAT worrying what i'm saying ?
-... If you didn't wanted to you could have refused for 15 years, you don't have to give in just because it's been a while. And yeah if he wanted sex so bad he should have left but he shouldn't have threatened you with it. Seriously he can't have a conversation ?
Yeah he's right, i have nothing to be sorry for. But i didn't exactly had a reason to refuse, i just don't want to but i don't even know what's it's like.
- I mean yeah he's in the wrong. Completely. But i don't know why i refused, i didn't give him a reason.
- Vic, please he doesn't need a reason and even if he did it's not super hard to guess i mean it would have been your first time with guy, it's obvious that it's a scary thing.
Yeah only first time with a GUY, right ? Yeah i'm a virgin loser bitch, what about'cha ?
- Well yeah it is scary but you know isn't sex in general scary ?
Looking for approval, check !
- Well, no not really, i mean, the first time is always the worst so once you're past that it's chill, y'know ?
No, that's the thing i DON'T know. I have no idea dude.
- How many people did you have sex with dude ? You sound like an expert. You know like those doushy pick up artists.
- Not many actually. 3 or 4 girls max and only made out with a dude once. You ?
Who's he ?
- Who's he ?
- Well i was just visiting family in Colorado for 2 weeks last year on Christmas and i went to the mall to find the last present i didn't had for on of my cousins and so this guy, his name was Dimitri, walks towards me, falls, struggles to get up, and then he ask if i want to drink a coffee with him. Honestly with such an entrance i could only agree. And so i saw him a couple of times and the day before i left i saw a last time and y'know what happened happened. But it was nothing serious just a matter of circumstances...
You know earlier when i was saying i thought Reg liked me all along. It's possible that he simply moved on when he saw i was too clueless. I say that now but even for those girls he fucked i'm guessing it's in between two years ago and today so yeah he probably forgot about me and putting me in the « loser bitch bestfriend » part of his heart.
-... So since i've talked about my experience, what about you i mean you must know a thing or two right ?
What kind of question is that ? I'm not ans- oh wait i've asked him the same thing 5 minutes ago. Nevermind. So do i lie to him ? Because since the beginning lying hasn't gone great for me and also lying to Reg, man i'd feel bad.
- Actually.... No actually no i don't have any.