Trust

Step With Me

I stumble out of the plane after the long ride filled with sleep and my music on shuffle. I take a step back on English soil and sigh heavily. I silently follow the boys to a car and slip into the backseat. The ride home is short. We make it back to our house and I inhale the familiar scent of home. I sling my bags over my shoulder and lug them into my room.

I toss my bags down and get to unpacking. After several long boring hours, I finally get to the bottom. I slide out my notebook and let out a small sigh. I set it on my night table and return the bags back to dad. I return to my room and throw myself onto my bed. I scroll slowly through the pictures I took yesterday on my phone. I look so happy in all of them.

I reach the last one and tears prick at my eyes. There's Justin and I, both smiling and laughing. I had finally found someone that I connected with. Someone I could really trust. Someone who liked me for me. But, I had to leave. I sulk down onto the floor and throw my phone at the bed. Anger seems to engulf me as I channel my energy into exercises. It takes all that is within me not to punch a hole through the wall.

So, I move. I do crunches and push ups. I do jumping jacks and leg raises. I do squats and more and more until I can't feel my body. I throw myself onto my stomach and a book falls off my dresser. I gather my strength and lift myself up, seeing one of my school books. I stand up and grab the rest. I blur my memories into maths problems. I forget my life in essays.

Hours pass, then days, then months. Day in and day out, I would do the same cycle. Wake up, exercise, school, sleep. I become a robot, stuck in loop. I only come out of my room when dad manages to drag me out and stuff some food down my throat. I have no intentions of eating. I have no intentions of breathing or waking up the next morning. The one good thing in my life, I left behind.

I have nothing to live for.

So I make something to live for. I set goals. I don't need people. I work towards college and a dream boxer's body. I work and work and work.

That is why I'm standing here right now. In front of a prestigious college with all of the boys smiling behind me proudly. My biceps, triceps, abs, whatever else you could think of are well defined, not body builder mind you. The doors swing open and I take a step inside, waving bye to a teary-eyed Louis.

This is the first step to the rest of my life.