Devoted Pain

ferris wheel

We search around, until we see Kory and the rest waiting in line for the ferris wheel. We join them in the queue and I begrudgingly share my cotton candy.

Beast boy starts talking to Jaimie and Damien, so Kory turns to face me

" I see you and Damien are getting close". I shrug, her observation was wrong

But it wasn't entirely incorrect

" I wouldn't say close, I just hang out with him more than the rest of the team. We sort of have an understanding". She nods, and we make it to the pay stall.

He charges us 7 pound something for us all, Kory pays and we climb on.

Beast boy out of excitement rushes on, pulling Jaimie with him

"Beast boy slow down!" Kory yells after him, placing herself beside them both

Leaving me and Damien to get the next cart. Alone.

We get on silently, I feel an awkward tension between the two of us.

He dislikes me, and I find him insufferable sometimes however othertimes I remember he's a human.

Vulnerable like me, so that gives me new found courage to turn to him and smile.

To which he furrows his eyebrows and scowls. The man closes the safety bar over our laps, and the wheel starts to move.

" So, how come your apart of the titans?" He asks, or more like interrogates.

I roll my eyes. " You know already".

" No I don't, I know they found you and you had powers. How did you get these powers, what are the voices in your head saying, what are you?".

" What am I?" I repeat his question, pondering it. " I'm not entirely sure, there's a part - there's a side to me that's evil".

" Evil? But youre not evil, weird yes. Little creepy, sure. But evil you are not. I should know, I grew up around it. You're pure raven, you just don't see it yet".

I stare deep into his eyes, looking for any sign that he was lying. But he wasn't.

He coughs, and I jump up and look around at anything else. Just not His face

Not his emerald green eyes.

"I've always had these powers, I grew up with my mother and the people of azarath. I can't remember what happened, but they sent me to earth before the place was destroyed. Sounds familiar? Think of superman's origins, execpt I grew up on the streets"

It felt strange telling him this information, it felt comforting but uncomfortable at the same time.

Exposing the most sacred and vulnerable parts of me, to finally feel safe. My feelings were mixed and confusing, and I decided I would wait till we returned home to decipher them.

" And the voices, they're familiar yet a stranger too me. It's like my own thoughts are being replayed to me on a loop from someone elses narriatve. The urge to destroy, burn and..." I pause and take a deep breath, the next word coming out like a whisper. " Kill".

I look away from the sky and look to see his reaction, expecting disgust or anger. I don't.

Instead I see understanding and approval.

Furthermore, he started to speak.

" I worked for the league of shadows" he said like it was nothing. "my grandfather was ra's Al ghul. He raised me, trained me, turned me into a killing machine which itches to kill. TT- I didn't realize until I lived with my father the definitions of right and wrong".

I nod, processing everything he says.

" I want to be better, to kill and injure only the bad guys. Possibly even to be a hero, but it's so hard".

He closes his eyes, and I frown. He sure did have a way of keeping me hanging onto every word.

I crave for him to continue, to learn more. I could easily venture into his mind, but whether my unwanted presences would land me dead or not is another argument.

The ferris wheel reaches the top, and I can see all of jump city from that height.

I look back at Damien to spot him looking at the same view as I was.

" Just to let you know" he says loudly, almost distrupting the silence and peace surrounding us.
" If you repeat a word of this to anyone, I'll display your head in a trophy case".

" Duly noted".