LOTF: Before and After

Phase 3: Chapter 17

"Bullshit" it was Ralph's turn to say.

He was waiting for Jack to burst out laughing. Jack was one for cruel jokes; tormenting others as a form of amusement. But Jack didn't laugh. He stared at the highlight of Ralph's shadowed face in the dark, Jack's dark blue eyes tainted with regret and sincerity.

"Oh" Ralph's expression changed when it hit him. "How long?"

"Sometime in February" Jack spoke hoarsely.

Ralph nodded as he fixed his gaze on his bedroom floor beneath him.

"Name's Emma" Jack went on. "She's real nice."

"That's great" Ralph tried to express genuinely, but the truth crept out a little in his tone. "I'm happy for you."

"I am too" Jack replied plainly. "Anyway, I should go back out to bed. G'night." The blond lifted himself off the floor and headed over to the door.

"Jack?"

"Yeah?" he stopped in his tracks to answer.

"Why here? Why didn't Paige take you to Roger's house instead of mine?" Ralph found himself asking.

This time, Jack did burst out laughing. "Real funny, man" the taller boy cackled sarcastically.

"What's funny about it?" Ralph wondered curiously.

"Come on, stop it" Jack's laughter had almost completely faded now.

"Stop what?" Ralph said in a confused tone. "I have no idea what you're laughing about. What's funny about you staying with Roger? Are you not friends anymore or something?"

The amused grin fell from Jack's face. "Shit, they didn't tell you?"

"They who?" Ralph piped up, losing his patience.

"Roger's under psychiatric observation" Jack informed the brunette, moving away from the door, slowly approaching where Ralph sat on the floor.

"What? Like in a hospital?" Ralph wondered in shock, and out of curiosity.

"Not anymore" Jack elaborated. "He's at home, but still under observation. He ain't allowed to have people over. 'Specially not me."

"But why? How long's it been?" Ralph pressed.

"Since the Flag State interviews were concluded, and reviewed by the U.S. government. Given what you must've told 'em about me, I'm surprised I'm not locked up too" Jack further explained.

Ralph shifted his focus from Roger to Jack as he took in the blond's accusation against him.

"What must I have told them?" Ralph asked, the offense he'd taken stirring in his tone.

"You know. About Simon and Piggy. My utter disregard for your little rescue plan. Leading everyone to act like animals. Ordering a hit on you. And everything in between..." the older boy trailed off.

"And what makes you think I told them all that?" Ralph angrily challenged him.

"Because why the fuck wouldn't you?" Jack matched Ralph's angered tone, accepting the challenge and turning the table back on Ralph.

Ralph dropped his head. It wasn't a stupid question. Why hadn't he sold Jack to the first bidder who'd take him and lock him down like Roger?

"You wanna know what I told them?" Ralph confidently stood up so he was close to eye level with Jack. He stepped forward so he was only a foot or two in front of the other boy now. "I told them I didn't remember who was involved in killing Simon. I told them that Roger killed Piggy for nobody but himself. I told them that I wasn't scared of you, that you guys weren't really gonna hurt me at the end..."

Ralph watched the shift in Jack's expression as he spoke. Jack was stunned, eyes wide, his face not unlike it was after he first realized Simon was dead.

"But were you? Were you really gonna kill me, Jack? Would you have had it in you to do to me on purpose what you did to Simon on accident? You thought Simon was the monster, but maybe you and the others were the real monster. And you almost killed the only person left on that island who wasn't."

Ralph stared at Jack with a heated, pain-ridden expression on his angered face, waiting for any indication that Jack had heard him.

"Why?" Jack spoke suddenly, as strong as he was to keep his eyes locked with Ralph's despite the awful truth he'd just thrown at him.

"Why what?" Ralph spat back, unamused.

"Why didn't you tell the Flag State everything you just said to me?" Jack challenged, but his voice had lost its aggressive tone; one that was replaced by a softer but still determined intrigue.

In Ralph's attempt to trap Jack, the older boy had somehow managed to trap Ralph instead. Ralph didn't know what to say. He didn't know how to be honest enough without being too honest. The truth sat upon a delicate scale. If Ralph tipped it too far in one direction, the whole thing would come crumbling down on top of him, exposing him and what he really was.

"Because I'm not like you" Ralph declared, his voice too losing its anger and volume. "I have no interest in punishing you for the sake of punishing you."

"But it's the truth, isn't it? All those awful things you just said about me. I let them kill Simon, and I let Roger kill Piggy for my sake. And I was gonna kill you, had timing been on my side. I'm the monster, aren't I? If you believe all that, then telling them wouldn't make you a rat, it'd make you a hero. I'm the monster, you're the hero. You get to go home to your safe and loving family like you wanted and I get locked up with Roger because monsters belong in cages. Right? You should've told them. And you still haven't answered the question."

"What question is that?" Ralph could barely find the strength in his voice to ask.

"Why didn't you tell them?" Jack provoked, his hands confidently on his hips as he took another step towards Ralph.

"It wouldn't have brought them back" Ralph swallowed before he spoke in a small voice.

"But it would've brought them justice" Jack opposed.

Ralph pushed all the liquid on his tongue forcefully down his throat as he struggled to breathe. Whatever it was that Jack was trying to get out of him, Ralph wasn't budging. He couldn't. Last night, it might've been different. But here, now, Ralph simply couldn't align his truth with Jack's anymore.

"Get out of my face" Ralph's voice was calm, but still harsh enough to bite Jack like winter frost.

Jack, to Ralph's surprise, took a step back. He dragged a careless hand through his hair as he gathered his thoughts, and Ralph's chest tightened with warmth at the sight. Jack brought himself back over to Ralph's bedroom door; the door to his momentary escape from this never-ending conflict between himself and his island rival. Ralph thought he was going to leave without taking the last word, but he knew Jack, and he should've known better.

"And Ralph?" Jack turned his slim body slightly so his eyes could find the brunette standing in the middle of the room.

Ralph didn't respond. Even if he wanted to, he'd lost his words, and his strength.

"Don't do me any more favors" Jack's voice was controlled but sharp. He closed Ralph's bedroom door behind him, hoping he'd gotten further into Ralph's head than Ralph had gotten into his.