The End | {BOOK 5}

40| Needing Space

"Hey, have you seen Maddie and Zep around?" Dean asked me.

"They just left with a group of hunters to take down a nest of vamps," I replied, not turning as I continued working on packing a bag of supplies.

"Wait, they're hunting? And you didn't go with them?"

"Dean, they've been hunting for a while. Sam and my mom had them training with some of the less experienced hunters and going on a few milk run cases while we were looking for you."

The fact that while that was happening, I had been holed up in our bedroom mourning was left unspoken. I had been too out of it to get angry when I first found out about it, and they'd been doing it for long enough now that I didn't see the point of throwing a fit.

"Maddie's ten; Zep's seven. They shouldn't be out there!" Dean cried.

"They're perfectly safe, Dean. A couple of the more experienced hunters always go along with the newbies to make sure they don't get into trouble."

I zipped up the bag, slinging it over my shoulder and turning to face him finally.

"Where are you going?" Dean asked, eyeing the bag.

"My mom called me; she needs help with a case. I'll be back in a few days."

"So everyone's ditching me, is that it?"

"No, of course not," I shook my head. "I think Sam's sticking around to man the fort. Cass and Jack should be around here somewhere, too."

"Right," he rolled his eyes.

"Hey, look. I know we've had a rough go of it lately, but I still wouldn't change a thing," I admitted. "What happened happened, and you're still here. That's what matters."

"I love you," he whispered, grabbing my hand and kissing my knuckles.

"I love you, too," I whispered back, leaning up to kiss his cheek. "I'll call you when I reach where my mom's staying, okay?"

"Alright."

My mom hadn't really called me for help; she was actually one of the more experienced hunters that went with Maddie, Zep and some of the other amateurs to take care of the vamp nest. I just needed to get out of the Bunker without Dean asking a bunch of questions. Ever since we'd locked Michael away in his mind, I'd been having a hard time being around him.

I knocked on Castiel's door on my way out, poking my head in.

"Hey," I greeted him. "Do you mind giving me a ride? Dean's busy."

"Of course. I'll be at the truck in a minute."

"Great."

I headed out, leaning against the side of Cass's truck while I waited. Ten minutes later, we were cruising down the highway headed toward a motel a couple towns away. I had called my mom and told her that I had used her as part of my cover and that she'd need to lie to Dean when she got back from the hunt.

"Why are you lying to Dean?" Cass asked, killing the engine as we pulled into the parking lot of the motel.

"Listen, Cass, I don't expect you to understand. You can go. I'm only staying here for a few nights and then I'll head back. Dean doesn't need to know."

"Does this have to do with Michael?" Cass questioned me, still studying me curiously.

I swallowed, averting my gaze.

"Eleanor, he's locked away in Dean's mind. He's not a threat anymore."

"Okay, but, see, that's not true. Because he could still escape, and then we're screwed all over again."

"Have you discussed this with Dean?" Cass pressed.

"No," I mumbled. "I mean, he told me that Billie told him that there's, like, a five billion to one chance he dies from Michael escaping and ending the world, but we didn't really talk about things any more than that."

"Don't you think you should?"

"Cass, every time I look at Dean all I see is Michael. I just need some time to clear my head and relax."

Cass nodded in understanding, looking away.

"Cass, um... Michael... he made so I can't see angels' true forms anymore... Is, uh, is that a permanent thing?"

"No," Cass shook his head. "I could make so you could see them again. I just figured you wouldn't want me to."

"I, uh, I do... C-could you, um..."

Cass waved his hand and suddenly the familiar sight of his black wings, still injured from when the angels fell, shimmered into view on his back.

"Is there anything else you need, or do you want me to go?"

"No, I- I'm fine. Thanks, Cass."

"You're welcome, Eleanor."

I climbed out of the truck, watching as Cass took off back down the road. I trusted that he would keep my secret from Dean, at least for a little while. I figured I'd only stay two or three nights and then call for a ride or take a bus back. After paying for a room and getting situated with my stuff, I went for a walk. Part of me wished I could have gone for a drive instead. I hadn't driven just to drive since Dean and I went out after I'd killed myself.

I headed into a bar on main street, keeping my head down and blending into the crowd. I was determined to stay anonymous and drown myself in alcohol tonight. There were a couple guys gathered around the pool tables, but for once I didn't feel like hustling. Instead, I took a seat at the bar and ordered a drink. Michael's words while Cass and I were inside Dean's head were still playing on a constant loop in my own head.

"And Eleanor- Oh, Eleanor... You know, Dean was happiest when they stopped coming around that stupid shop, when he didn't have to keep seeing you."

The words had trudged up memories of other hunts... like the shapeshifter case in St. Louis...

"You know what he... or should I say I see when I look at you?" Shifter Dean smirked, squatting down so he was eye level with me. "A sad, pathetic little girl who can't get over her Daddy's death."

"N-no. You're lying. You're not Dean."

"I'm in his head, Sweetheart. I know his thoughts, see his memories. He knew you had a thing for him back in the day. He just didn't care, because all he saw you as was a little sister."

I quickly downed the whiskey in my glass, signaling to the bartender that I needed another. I knew it wasn't true... Dean and I were married. We had two kids together. Every time he was the one to initiate the 'I love you's said between us, I knew he really meant it. Feelings were not Dean Winchester's strong suit, and yet, for me, he made the effort. However, that didn't change the fact that hearing Michael say something like that, while wearing Dean's face, messed me up. And I didn't know if there was any chance of coming back from that.