Ikaw At Ako

Kabanata 21

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Kabanata 21

Lalaine was like the perfect girl for Joaquin... Kung iisiping isang nobela ito siguro ako pa ang mukhang the other girl sa love story nila. Come to think of it, they can make a perfect love story. They were childhood sweethearts...and both successful now. Pang-male lead character si Joaquin at pasado rin na female lead ang mahinhin at magandang si Lalaine.

Hindi ba't iyon naman ang madalas na gusto ng mga mambabasa? A gentle...and virgin...main character. Parang kasi kapag wala na ang virginity ng isang babae, o hindi niya ito naunang maibigay sa male lead ay parang may mali na... Some...women readers...might not like reading stories with non virgin heroine...

Bakit...? Does that really make her less worthy of the hero...? And how about the hero? Usually it's not a problem with the male main character... Some would think that it's normal... Pero kapag sa side na ng babaeng bida parang may mali na... I don't quite understand...

And to think that most readers sometimes are women... Hindi ba't kahit pa sabihing fiction lang naman ito ay parang binababa na rin nila ang kapwa nila babae?

Minsan talaga tayo-tayo lang din ang naghihilahan pababa...

Women can make their own choices, too. Hindi palaging tama ang mga desisyon natin sa buhay. S'yempre may mga mali rin tayo. And sometimes the sad truth is that we learn our mistakes when it's already too late and it becomes regret. But I guess, ganoon lang talaga... We were not put into this world perfect. I think it's all about trial and error... We are challenged, we're tested... And then we learn from it. No matter if it might seem already late... But I guess the important thing is that you still learned from it. After all we become better version after learning from our past actions...

I realized that if I cannot forgive myself because of my past... And then other people already couldn't forgive and forget my past actions...then I wouldn't be able to move on with them. Kung patuloy kong paparusahan ang sarili ko dahil lang sa mga bagay na akala ko lang naman noon ay tamang gawin...o na ayos lang, na mga bagay na hindi ko pa alam at natutunan noon. Kung ako mismo ay sisisihin din ang sarili ko sa mga dating nagawa, tingin ko ay tinutulungan ko pa ang ibang tao na ibagsak ako...

Maybe that's why they say to be kinder to yourself, too... Kasi minsan hindi na siguro natin talagang napagtutuunan ito ng pansin, pero madalas parang mas nagiging mabait pa talaga tayo sa ibang mga tao kaysa sa sarili natin. Don't we find it easier to praise other people for being pretty, clever, talented, etc... It's easy to cheer other people up... But do we praise and cheer ourselves as how much we can do that to others?

Minsan talaga ay nakakalimutan din natin ang mga sarili natin... Hindi na natin nakikita ang mga magaganda rin namang qualities na mayroon tayo. It's a sad reality but sometimes we become the hater of our own self, too...

And when we talk about self love... I think it can start by accepting all of you first... Accepting everything about yourself including your past, present, and whatever your future self will be...

Dahil wala naman sigurong ibang taong mas makakaintindi sa 'yo ng lubos-lubos kundi ang sarili mo lang din...

I realized that I didn't want to feel this way anymore... I should love myself more. To be honest I miss laughing at myself...even if other people might call that self of mine stupid... I think I just miss the old me despite the imperfections...

"Joaquin, can I meet my friends?"

"Oh, sure. When?"

I smiled and I felt relief. Hindi naman talaga ako kinukulong ni Joaquin dito sa penthouse. Ako lang din itong masyado na yatang nagpapakabait, thinking to redeem myself now from my past self...