Play Pretend

Chapter 24

#OLAPlayPretend

Chapter 24
Eavesdrop

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous. Kabadong-kabado ako. My heart was going wild inside my chest na para bang gustong-gusto na noong makalabas para lamang hindi na maramdaman ang kaba.

Mas maagang dumating si Xaiver para sunduin ako kumpara sa napagkasunduan naming oras. Naiintindihan ko naman dahil dinalan niya ako ng damit na maisusuot.

I sent him pictures of dresses I carefully picked out from my closet. Hindi siya nag-reply. The next thing I knew, he was already on our doorstep with a new expensive dress in hand. Hindi na ako umangal at tumanggi dahil nabili niya na. Hindi ko rin maipagkakailang mas maganda 'yon sa mga napili ko.

Natigil ako sa pag-iisip nang gumapang ang kamay ni Xaiver sa akin at pinagsalikop iyon. His warmth covered my palm. I turned my head and caught him staring at me with a hint of concern in his eyes.

"You're cold," he stated.

Ngumuso ako. "Kinakabahan ako."

I didn't bother lying. Iyon naman ang totoo. Normal lang na manlamig ako dahil sa kaba.

"You've met them before," he said as if it was enough reason not to get cold feelings.

"Iba pa rin 'yon. I was still your secretary before. Now... Now we're getting married. Haharap ako sa kanila bilang fiancée mo at hindi ko alam kung magugustuhan ba nila ako," paliwanag ko.

"My mother just wants me to settle down. She won't make things hard for us," sabi ni Xaiver, ngunit hindi ako napanatag doon.

"Your mother wants you to settle down, but not with someone like me, Xavi," I told him the bitter truth. "I've seen and met all the women she introduced to you. Malayong-malayo sa akin. Lahat sila galing sa mga kilalang pamilya o may naitayo nang pangalan para sa sarili nila."

I wanted to trust him fully, stop worrying, and believe that nothing can go wrong, pero iba na pala talaga kapag nandoon ka na sa mismong sitwasyon. I couldn't think straight. I could only overthink. My brain malfunctioned, corrupted by my fears and worries.

"You're right..." seryosong sabi ni Xaiver pagkatapos pag-isipan nang mabuti ang mga sinabi ko.

Although it was the truth, I couldn't help but feel pain when he agreed. Nababaliw na ata talaga ako dahil hindi ko alam kung ano ba ang gusto kong mangyari.

"You are entirely right..." ulit niya saka pinisil ang kamay ko. "Malayong-malayo sila sa 'yo. Those women can't be compared to you. They can't even come close."

My lips parted.

Ha? Ano raw?

"Ikaw ang pinili ko kaya bakit mo pa sila inaalala? Ako na 'to. I chose you. There's nothing to fucking worry about, Chantal," Xaiver sternly said, and I could hear the slight frustration in his voice.

Pinili niya ako. He chose me.

Tama siya. Sa daming inireto sa kanya, ako ang napili niya. Isa 'yan sa mga pinaalala ko kay Zoe noong nag-usap kami. Nakadagdag 'yon sa lakas ng loob ko. Pero siguro ay importante lang talaga sa akin ang iisipin ng mga magulang niya, lalong-lalo na ang ina.

"Remember what I told you?"

Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kanya. "Ano?"

"Have more confidence in yourself," he said. "You're already doing great these past few days. Why are you suddenly feeling small again?"

"It's your mom...."

"And she always trusts my decisions, no matter how risky they are. Alam niya rin na wala siyang magagawa kung ako mismo ang may gusto. She knows how stubborn I am. She knows she can never control me. Mag-aaway lang kami. Alam niya 'yon."