Battle of Fear and Trust

Homecoming

I shouldn't have snapped at Lucy like that, I tell myself as I sit in my English class barely listening to Professor Smithton go on about Shakespeare. Lucy knew nothing about the dream and she was only trying to reminisce on the place we used to call home. Maybe I should tell her about the dream and how real it felt. So, she can understand why I yelled at her.

"How could a dream feel real? it was, after all, a dream," the cold voice tells me. I guess it is right. Oh, what am I thinking? That voice is no more real than the dream, and besides, it got me in a fight with my sister. I should ignore it.

"You think if you ignore me; I'll go away?"

"Stop it!" I shout, the room grows silent as every eye turns to me. Including Mrs. Smithton, who gives me the same angry look that Peter and Edmund claim I give them when I find out they did something foolish.

"Do you have something to share with us, Ms. Pevensie?" Mrs. Smithton asks, putting her hands on her hips and stares down at me. "I'm sure you have a good explanation for disrupting my lecture," she adds. I can feel my heart beating.

Oh, why did I react to that voice? I ask myself as I look at all the faces watching me. What should I do? I can't say it was the voice in my head. I'll have everyone thinking I'm mad. Then again even thinking about there being a voice in my head making me sound mad.

There is a knock, I let out a sigh of relief as the lady from the headmaster's offer enters the room. "Hello, Mrs. Rice, what brings you here?" Mrs. Smithton asks after claiming her voice.

"Yes, I'm here for Susan Pevensie, the headmaster would like to see her in his office," she says, and the girls around start whispering to each other. At least I don't have to explain my outburst, I tell myself.

"You are an excused Ms. Pevensie, and be sure to tell the headmaster why you disrupted my class," she says firmly.

"Yes Mrs. Smithton," I say, getting up from my set and quickly gathering the books. I look over to Nancy. "Well you take notes for me?" she nods, of course, I didn't have to ask her, she always takes a lot of notes. But it might stop her from questioning about my outburst and maybe keep her from wondering why Lucy stormed out the dining hall this morning.

I follow the headmaster's secretary out the classroom door to see my sister in the hall. She still looks slightly hurt; I can feel my only heartache.

"Lucy? Were you asked to see the headmaster?" I ask as we start walking. It's best if I keep her from talking about what happened this morning at least not until we're alone again.

"Yes, do you know why he wants to see us?" Lucy says keeping her cool.

"No, but it must be something to do with home if he wants to see both of us," I say to her, and she quickly agrees and says nothing else.

I can tell she is still a little upset with me; she was always one to wear her emotions on her sleeves. Even if she tried not to hide her feelings they would find a way to come out. Truly, it is one of the many differences between us.

The office wasn't too far, which was probably a good thing. I'm not sure if either of us could go much longer in this unnaturally tense silence. I take a deep breath. I really should apologize, I tell myself as we enter Headmaster Blake's Office to see him talking to Aunt Polly before he turns to see us.

"You wished to see us, sir?" I ask.

"Yes, please take a seat," he says, his voice calm. It's hard to tell what news he's going to bring us. "We received a letter today from your mother about your Father," I feel myself tense up and my eyes widen. I grab a hold of Lucy's hand. No please not this. I say to myself as my heart pounds I don't think I'm ready for the news he's about to share.

"Your Father was discharged due to a leg injury and he will be on a train home on the first of November." He finishes, I let myself relax a little, but I keep a hold of my sister's hand. I replay his words in my head. They seem too good to be true.

"You mean, our dad is coming home?" Lucy says. I see Aunt Polly smile a little and I let go of Lucy's hand.

"Yes dear, and we made arrangements for the two of you to take a train home on Friday. I assume your brothers will be on that train as well." Polly informed us and I let myself smile.

"Oh, this is so wonderful!" Lucy jumps up from her seat and gives Polly a hug. I stand up as Lucy comes to me. "To think after all this time dad's finally coming home." now my smile is as big as her. I pull her in for a hug. He's really coming home. After all these years we'll get to see him. I say to myself trying to not get myself thinking this wasn't happening. I only imagine the headmaster saying those words.

"Yes," the headmaster smiles. "Your train will leave at eleven-o-clock on Friday morning and you're both due back here a week from today. We'll make sure your professors give you homework over the weekend, so you won't fall behind."

"And Susan, I really suggest you focus on your schoolwork," Polly says firmly and I feel myself tense up yet again. "Your marks this term have not been as high as they were in the past," she adds.

"I'll do what I can," I tell her, though hearing about that took a little of the joy of my father's return. "Thank you both for letting us go home to greet our father."

"Of course, Ms. Pevensie." The headmaster smiles, "You don't know what a relief it is to give students good news for a change." I couldn't agree more.

November 1, 1941

It is Saturday morning, and I can feel the cold air as we wait at the train station. I take hold of my mother's right hand and watch her smile at me as she squeezes it. Her left arm is around Lucy as she keeps her close to her front. Peter has one hand on Mum's left shoulder as he stares toward the track. I put my right hand around Edmund's shoulders. Although he flinches and quickly looks at me as though he were expecting me to be someone else.

I guess he's just as nervous as the rest of us, I tell myself before looking back at the train track. My heart races, knowing it won't be long before his train comes. It's been a lifetime since my siblings and I last saw him. I'm not sure what to do when he comes. Just as I wasn't sure what to do when we came to Mum. We lived many years without our parents and there were times I couldn't remember what mother's favorite flowers were or the sound of dad's voice. Then again, I can't remember his voice.

The train pulls in and I tighten my grip on mom's hand as people start to leave the train. Soon he'll get off the train and we'll be a family of six once again. I know things won't be as they were before. We've all changed so much, and the war is still going on, but we will once again be whole and it will make living in this world not so dreary, at least I hope it will.

People start getting off the train and we huddle together anxiously waiting for him. There is a part of me that thought we were wrong and he wasn't on that train. But that fear dissolves as I see a limping man dressed in army uniform, with a cane in one hand and his bag in the other. He resembles Peter, though he is much older than Peter ever was.

My Mum smiles as she lets go of my hand and runs to the man. He lets go of his bag and lets her leap into his arms. I feel tears roll down my cheeks as he pulls her into a kiss. He's here, I say to myself just to be sure what I see in front of me was truly happening.

Lucy runs to join them and the rest of us do not hesitate to follow. I put my arms around my father's side and feel his arm around me. Tears continue to fall as I remember how safe his arms made me feel when I was a young child. He's here I tell myself again as the six of us are now gathered in a big group hug, one I wish would never end.

"It's nice to have the family together, I wonder how long it will last?" The cold voice says, sending chills down my back.