Battle of Fear and Trust

Loving Brothers

I watch Jadis holding Peter with a hand around his throat—my hand—and even though I'm not supposed to feel anything, I still don't want to see him die. I watch as she tightens her grip.

No, she can't kill him; oh, I want to be free from this prison, I think to myself as I hear a sound—a very faint one, almost like the sound of a lion's roar.

"Nooo!" I scream, letting go of Peter's throat and falling to my knee, sobbing into my hands. Wait a minute, I can feel my hand! I notice my knees, still touching the floor, and feel the tears falling down my face. I'm back, I'm back! I smile through my tears. I never knew how good it feels to be able to move my own body, even if I do still feel cold.

I turn to Peter as he gasps for air, struggling to catch his breath. At least he can breathe. He gets up and leans on the arm of my couch.

"Peter." He looks at me, seeming unsure of what to do. "It's me, Peter." He lets out a sigh of relief and pulls me into a hug.

"Thank Aslan it's you," he says, and I feel a chill at the mention of that name, but I won't say anything about it. I don't want to ruin the moment. I smile again as I hear a groaning coming from under a fallen bookshelf.

"Edmund," I say before breaking away from Peter and moving towards the bookcase, attempting to get it off of Edmund. Luckily there wasn't much on the shelves; it wasn't heavy. "Edmund, are you al..." I stop talking as I notice the blood on the knee of his trousers. The end of the shelf must have cut his knee. "Oh Edmund, wait, don't move. I should have something we can put on it." I run to get a wet cloth and some bandages. Walking back to my brothers and kneeling by them, I roll up Edmund's trouser leg to look at his knee. I can't help but cringe when I see the cut accompanied by both new and old bruises. It might be worse than I thought. I start to clear it and he moves slightly. "Edmund, hold still, you're making it worse!"

"You're definitely Susan," Edmund says, smiling. I feel myself laughing a little at his words as I clean his wound. I can't remember the last time I laughed with them; it felt refreshing. It was a much better feeling than watching him fly across the room, especially since it was my hand doing the throwing. I look over at Peter and notice the red marks around his neck. I feel my stomach sink; a feeling I used to ignore. But now I know that I can't suppress it; ignoring that guilt is how Jadis was able to take over. I look down and watch myself wrap bandages around Edmund's knee.

"I'm sorry. For everything," I say quietly, avoiding eye contact as I finally finish tending his wound. I can feel my own heartache at the pain I caused them.

"It's alright, Susan, we're just glad you're back," Peter says. I sigh and stand up, only to walk a few paces, not wanting to look at them after, not after what she almost did with my hands. It's a miracle they're still here.

" I shouldn't have let it happen in the first place," I say quietly, staring at a broken vase that used to hold a few lilies. Now the flowers are strewn on the messy floor of my flat. "I can't believe I thought she was helping me gain the lifestyle of a queen. I was nothing to her but her host body," I tell them, more tears falling as I sit on the couch. "It was foolish of me to listen to her."

"When someone is offering you everything you desire, it's hard not to resist," Edmund calmly says, sitting beside me. "Jadis knows that better than anyone." I look up at him and see the cold darkness in his eyes, proof of a shameful past, of many dark secrets and regrets that have haunted him for a long time.

"Oh, Edmund." Maybe feeling foolish isn't the worst part. I think about the pain in Lady Chesterfield's eyes, in Lucy's eyes. Oh, Lucy. "What have I done!" Still more tears fall at these images of people, people I thought were standing in my way, some I didn't even know. I treated them like bugs for me to step on. I didn't care!