Battle of Fear and Trust

Easter Discussions

What is wrong with me? I ask myself as I lie in my bed with my hand on my forehead, but I quickly move it under my blanket. It was so cold, as though it were still January. Even though it's April now and the sun is shining through my window.

I should be downstairs helping Mum with dinner or volunteering to make it myself. Both her and Dad have been under so much stress since Dad got a job offer to teach at a university in America. Not to mention how upset they were when they learned about my low marks. I should be doing something besides lying in bed.

"Susan?" I hear Lucy say, her voice sounding louder than usual. "Are you feeling any better?" She sits at the end of my bed. I sit up and my head spins. I've felt like this all week, and no matter how much I rest I still feel this way. This is not how I wanted to spend my Easter holiday.

"You missed a lovely service last night," Lucy says gently as I take a sip of the water on the nightstand. My family, or at least my parents, have always been religious and before the war, they used to take us to church every Sunday. Yesterday was the Good Friday service, and I would have gone with them, but my headache was so bad I could not get up. Then again church doesn't interest me so I'm not too upset about missing out.

"Susan, what do you think about that night at the Stone Table?" she asks, and my arms start to shake causing me to spill my water. Lucy stands up and I quickly get out of bed.

"Yes, I think about it sometimes, but don't want to dwell on it," I tell her. I don't like remembering the horrid things the fallen did to him, what she did to him. Then seeing him lifeless on that Table. What's worse is that I had a few nightmares where I'm the one standing over him with the stone knife.

"It's a shame those fools didn't see that you and your sister were there that night," The cold voice says and it seems more angry than usual. I take a deep breath thinking of Lucy and I holding each other in our hiding place as the fallen run past us. We were too sad to notice that if any of them turned their heads...No, they didn't see us, and there's no point in imagining something that didn't happen.

"Why are you thinking about that night, Lu? Did you have a bad dream about it?" I ask.

"No, but in the service, the minister was telling us how Jesus died on the cross, and it made me think about what Aslan did for Edmund. I talked to Edmund, and he thinks there might be a connection between them." She says and my heart still aches even hearing his name. It is nothing but a reminder that I am stuck in this world and even after all these months I'm still not sure why. "Do you think maybe he's right? Maybe Aslan and Jesus are-"

"Lucy, the story of Jesus dying on the cross and coming back is nothing more than a story." I interrupt, my head is still aching. "Our world isn't like Narnia. The Deep magic that brought Aslan back to life doesn't exist here because our world has no magic. It's not possible for anyone to come back to life here."

"The Deep magic may not exist, the way it did in Narnia, but he could have come back to life by other means." I jump at my little brother's voice. I turn to see him leaning against the door frame.

"Edmund, how long have you been standing there? You shouldn't come into a room unannounced," I scold him.

"But it's more fun that way," He smirks, "I came in when I heard Lucy say my name. Anyway, Susan, our world may be different from Narnia but we can't say it is impossible for anything out of the ordinary to happen here. I mean it's far from normal for anyone to find their way to another world." He finishes

"Yes, but wasn't it magic from Narnia that brought us there?" I ask, hugging my middle to keep myself from shivering. "I'm just saying there are many things in Narnia, such as talking animals, centaurs, and Father Christmas that are nothing but fragments in storybooks here." I turn to Lucy and note the frown on her face. I wish I could tell her she might be onto something, but... "Lucy, we have to be more realistic in this world."

"I suppose so, but Susan didn't the Telmarines believe we were nothing but fragments in storybooks? Isn't it possible that what you think is fiction, could actually be real?" She asks. I open my mouth, but I can't think of how to respond to that. Edmund just smiles, it's obvious he agrees with her. I wish Peter were here instead of studying with the Professor, he might be able to help me out. But then again, he would probably agree with Lucy.

"Children," I turn to see our mother standing behind Edmund with a long face. "Your father and I have something we would like to discuss with the three of you downstairs." We follow her down and sit on the couch. Our father is in a chair across from us with a serious look on his face. Mother stands by him with her hand on his shoulder. Her facial expression is the same as dad's. I haven't seen their faces like this since dad told us he was going off to war. Whatever they're going to say, it's not going to be good.

"What's going on?" Edmund asks before Lucy or I ask the same question.

My parents look at each other and my dad sighs "As you know I've been given an opportunity to work at university in New York City over the summer. Unfortunately, the university says they can only provide a way for me and two others to go to America as well as a two-bedroom apartment for us to stay in. Now your mother we'll be going with me, which means only one other person can come." I look at my siblings. Is he saying that one of us will be going with them or maybe Peter? No, it would be one of us, Peter already agreed to spend his holidays with the Professor to study for his upcoming exams.

"Your mother discussed this for a long time and I want you to know this hard decision for us and we based our decision on who we thought would get the most out of this trip." He looks at Mother. I'm sure they're going to choose Lucy, after all, she is the youngest and they know how much she loves exploring new places. Maybe they'll choose Edmund because he would surely get a lot of the trip. "We decided it would be best for Susan to come along,"

"Me?" I say as I feel my eyes widen.

"Yes dear, we both agreed that a change of scenery would be good for you," Mum says and can't help smiling. I've heard many things about America. It will be exciting to see for myself.

"What about us?" Edmund asks, and I try to contain my smile. I don't want to boast about my good fortune when my younger siblings don't get to share it with me and I can tell by the saddened looks on my parent's faces that they don't want to boast about it either.

"Your Aunt Alberta has agreed to let you and Lucy stay with them while we're away," Father tells them, and I understand why my parents weren't happy. The Scrubb's might be family, but they've never liked us and Eustace is simply the worst. I remember the last time I saw my cousin he acted like he was above us because he read books with 'real' information. Not to mention Eustace heard us talking about Narnia and went out of his way to bully us. This will not be a good summer for Edmund and Lucy. But what will a summer in America be like for me?