Battle of Fear and Trust

The Calm After the Storm

I sit in the back of Mark's car beside Nancy, looking out at the familiar street where I lived as a child. This place holds so many happy memories of my early childhood, as well as some rather unpleasant ones. Right now, it's calm, there are no children playing outside and the trees are still. There is no sound, except the engine of the car. It seems sad, yet peaceful as though there'd been a huge storm just moments before we arrived on the street. It's rather nice coming back here, though I wish I were coming back for a reason other than to look through my family's things and clean out the pantry and icebox.

After my meeting with Aslan, I went back to the train station where Nancy was and I apologized to her, she was shocked by my words, but accepted them. Then we talked to one of the officers and identified our family's bodies and went back to my flat. I told her about the Witch being in my mind and how Aslan freed me. She listened to everything and said she was glad I was free and was too tired to say anything else, and didn't for the rest of that night.

The next day, Nancy and I went to her house. Bonnie had come over with meals and stayed with us for hours. Nancy also talked to her parents on the phone, struggling to hold back tears as she broke the news that she was now a widow. I made a call to my Aunt and Uncle to see if they would let Eustace be buried with my family in London instead of Cambridge, that way we could have both funerals at the same time and Eustace would have more people honoring his life.

It will also be one less funeral to attend. I tell myself as the car comes to a stop in front of a house that radiates the same calmness as the street, though it seems darker, somehow. I look over at Nancy who turns to face me, eyes filled with tears. Neither one of us were fully ready to step into the empty house. I grab her hand and give it a tight squeeze, fighting back my own tears; if I start crying, It will set her off too. She squeezes back, and leaves the car.

"Do you need help with anything?" Mark asks.

"We should be alright. Thank you for giving us a ride," I tell him.

"It was my pleasure. Thanks for coming today." He says politely though I still hear the sadness in his voice. We were at his sister Jill's (that was her name) funeral and noticed that Mark seemed to be distancing himself from the rest of his family. I'm sure the reason he offered to give us a ride was so he could get away from them.

"Yes, it was a lovely service. I wish I had known her better," I say as he stays silent. I know he misses her. "You should go back to your family. They miss her too." I add, and he gives me a weary looks before I leave the car. I know what it's like to want to hide away from pain instead of letting it be known by those you love.

Nancy waits by the front door and I take a deep breath as I unlock it. Walking into the house, we enter the family room which looks nice and well-kept; there was no dust on the end table or on the fireplace. Mother must have cleaned the house before she and Father left for their holiday; she never liked coming home to a messy house. I used to love helping her clean. I made sure she always came home to a clean house just so I could see the grateful smile on her face. I feel a single tear run down my cheek. I miss her so much.

"Susan?" I hear Nancy say. I turn towards her. "Are you sure you can handle this? We can always come back another day," she suggests as I see a tear running down her cheek as well.

"No, I'll be fine; I was just remembering," I tell her. She tries to smile, but only bursts into tears before sitting on the couch. "Nancy," I go over to her trying not to bursts in to tears, though it's hard not to. I hand her a handkerchief from my pocket and we both sit there for at least an hour as our tears fall. "If you'd rather leave, we can. I know the past few days haven't been easy for you either," I say with my voice cracking with every word.