Flower Garden (Netherlands x Indonesia)

Chapter 15: Date gone right(?!)

Netherlands POV

I hold my breath for a moment as Indonesia suddenly speaks. Oh no, I woke him up, the one task I was trying to achieve-
„Netherlands? What's.. wrong? What happened-" Indo softly questions, his voice is surprisingly soothing and calming, making my inside clench. I'm just pathetic right now.
„N-Nothing-" I bring out, gasping for air afterwards. God, I hate it so much- why can't I control myself better goddamnit! Indo is quiet for a moment, then exhales. Is he annoyed with me? Or worse: what if he insults me on my behavior and leaves me alone?! What if he tells everyone and they kill him?! Or make fun of me?! What if-
„You don't have to tell me, it's fine." Indo, killing off all the scenarios in my head ,slides down my back and I let him go, leaning against the tree, both anxious and furios. He's already off my back- now he is going to leave me for sure. I don't want him to see me like that! That isn't what I wanted or imagined the day to be like I.. just put to many events on one date. Aussie and.. and Germany. I disappointed everyone because of my stupidity!
But instant, Indo moves in front of me. Not daring to look at him in shame, I simply stare to the ground. Now I'm getting insults for sure. I mean I am a grown man, I'm not supposed to cry.. Dad always said that.

Tho Indonesia moves closer, making my throat close more. W-What now? Is he going to beat me?
I never feared Indonesia more in my entire life than right now.

Indos hand reaches out for me and I flinch, closing my eyes, awaiting a blow to the face.. but instant the carefully puts it on my cheeks. His hand is cool, but not cold. Both shock and relief runs through my body. I open my eyes widen and stare at him in surprise. I'm met with a soft and caring gaze, leaving me speechless.
„Shhh.. I'm here for you." he quietly whispers, slowly pulling me into a hug, caressing softly through my hair. I just let it happen, not doing anything. Since Indo is smaller than me and he is pulling me towards him I sink onto my knees, embracing the warmth of the hug. It is so.. very relieving that he hasn't done anything or leave me. He does care. The realization makes my eyes feel heavy, so I close them, weeping a little more carefully, hoping that the country wouldn't change his mind and behavior.
This goes on for a while, me weeping in peace and Indo comforting me silently. But the longer this goes one, the stronger is the urge to explain myself. Indonesia surely wants to know as well. He deserves to know, I feel comfortable enough around him to let him know. I wait until I'm at the point of deep, steady breathing.
„Sorry I.. i-it's just a little much at the moment.. and the- the anxiety- it was triggered by annoying crows and- then I-" I stop, my breathing getting uneven again. I allow myself to burry my head in his shoulder. Indo takes a while to respond. No, please say something. Anything! Not the silent treatment!

„I'm not mad, don't worry- no need to apologize." he then FINALLY says, but I don't feel better, not at all, so I kinda just hang in his arms.
„I am.. not good with time management.. the social stuff.. so I accidentally put other events on this day too.." I admit, trying to keep my voice and body calm.
„What events?"
„Meeting with Germany and- and having barbecue with Aussie.."
„Ah, I see." Indo sighs, then chuckles. What?
„H-Huh?"
„I'm sorry- you know Malay and Phil were planing dinner and basically everything, but they are too desperate for a calm evening, so I really wouldn't mind a barbecue, even if it is still mildly cold outside and it is still spring. My housemates are annoying anyways. I fear that they'll actually make everything worse."
„You.. you don't mind?"
„Nope, not at all."

Wow.. at least one problem seems solved, I didn't know Indo is so understanding. My heavy heart overfills with joy, making me realize once again why I am so in love with this person. Come to realization- WE ARE SO CLOSE TO EACH OTHER HOLY SHI-
I try to relax with a big sigh and Indo continues to giggle, patting my back. Not soon after he lets go of me and as I'm about to get sad over that he presses a quick kiss on my cheek, grinning, leaving me in shock. WAIT I DID NOT PLAN THIS-
I flush up in deep red immediately. He could have warned me at least- I'm already a mess and it just got worse. Indonesia is now actively laughing.
„Aww~ you look so cute like this." he chuckles, trying to light the mood again and I put my hands on my face. What is this mood change?! Now we are flirting?! At that timing???
„No I don't-" I press out, embarrassed. But.. deep down It feels nice, makes me happy to get this kind of affection. Especially from Indo, because- y'know- I like him, I've had a crush on him for like forever.
I sit back, sliding down the tree into a little soggy moos, but I have my coat and lower leg/feet beneath me, so my butt stays dry. In doing so, Indo let's go of me, staying in place as I don't hear movement. Just shuffling and a shoulder next to mine. Carefully, I put my hands down my face and turn my head to see my crush next to me. My cheeks already burn, so I just slowly exhale, blinking some upcoming tears away, my view getting clear, my head getting a little dizzy.
As Indo turns his head to me, I quickly look away and to the ground again, feeling shy and embarrassed.
„Thank you.." I mumble.
„No problem."
„The others can't know."
„Huh?"
„You've seen what happened last time."
„Oh. Right."
„They just.. get so worried and aggressive when I get sad.. I don't know why."
„..."
„To prevent that.. well I don't do more than 5 or 6 different expressions.. but sometimes, the facade breaks, like now.. Sorry." I just talk about what is on my mind, ranting and spitting out personal information like a waterfall. Maybe not my most keen move, but I might feel better after telling someone.. and I think I can trust Indo with the knowledge. Indos head lays down on my shoulder. I flinch internally, but surprisingly not externally.
„I see.. don't apologize. And- don't have the facade with me okay? I won't judge you for your feelings- no one is perfect. You are pressuring yourself to much."
„But-"
„No Nether. I now realize that you always want to be there for everyone.. and it really takes a toll on you.. stop that."
„B-But-"
„I just want your best. Listen to me please."

I inhale and remain silent, feeling like tearing up again. Wow... so he does really care about me. I feel myself smiling. I should feel happy but, I just feel light right now. Light like a feather after a stone is lifted from my heart. I'll ask Indo to be together with me some day for sure.. might solve more problems and- he is the first person to understand me after VOC. Sorry Belgium and Luxembourg.. I just don't want to burden you two too much, you are both so young. I relax my muscles once again, looking at the cloudy, yet sunny sky.
„How.. nice." I respond and close my eyes, feeling safe enough to rest my head on top of Indos.

Indonesias POV

Netherland's head is resting on top of mine, seemingly relaxing. Good, finally. I didn't like lecturing him as much as I did, but it had to be done. Neth is a grown man, but mental health is as important- or even more important than physical health. Honestly I started panicking immensely as he started crying. Imagine waking up from the best nap in 10 years and your trusty pillow is straight up breaking down out of seemingly nowhere. But now.. I know what is going on.
Man, I wish I knew sooner! I could have helped much earlier! I swallow my frustration and simply exhale. I'll never leave his side again. Also, I'm torn between happy that we can eat somewhere where Mal and Phil aren't and not happy that Aussie has to be there as well- but as long Nether is happy I will be so too.
Both of us remain silence, next to each other.
This entire date definitely isn't going as planed, but in the end- I think it did do what a date is supposed to do: bring you and you partner closer to each other. Now I know much more about how Nether is functioning, which is good I suppose. After thinking this, my cheeks heat more in realization that I called Neth my ‚partner', but deep down I like it. Maybe the next date is going to be less messy.

I believe Nether must be dizzy and tired after this, and if it means walking through the mud all the way back.
„Do you want to go home?" I softly ask.
„Not.. not yet." I get as reply, Neth suddenly shakes more again and before I'm able to react he grabs onto me. I yelp in surprise as he starts hugging me, pulling me closer to him.
Yep, I just turned into a pillow.
I feel immense heat radiating from his body and in the corner of my eye, Nether is flushing up in deep red. I take a moment to process, blushing too. I mean I've been real close to him the entire day but, that is the closest I've been to Neth in FOREVER! OH GOD.
Nether, who was seemingly overwhelmed by anxiety again, soon calms as he hugs me, and I start to relax again, looking up to him in awh. He is really embarrassed and shy. That's cute.
I smile slightly, my heart beating incredibly fast. He.. really does like me I believe. I beam inside of happiness. That's awesome! I start giggling, my heart feeling light, as a thought comes to my head, making me shut up again as well as embarrassing me.

.
..If I like him very much, even crushing on him, and Neth likes me too- could we be, like together as a thing? Or will I get friend zoned? But.. this is a date, right? Or is it just a hangout? I consider my options and the different outcomes, getting nervous for some reason. But I guess I should ask now, or else neither of us is going to have any privacy again soon, because of PKI and VOC. So I gather all my mental strength for this conversation and take a deep breath.
„Nether?"
„Yes?"
„Do you like me?" I blur out.
„H-huh?"
„I mean like.. would you just grab anyone like this when stuff like this happens?"
„Uhm.. uh- No.."
„So.. Do you like me?"
„..."
„I won't be mad." I assure him. Nether takes a deep breath.
„..Y-Yes, I do. A lot." he stutters with fear in his voice. I get worried, having not expected him to be this fearful of telling. But there is my confirmation. Yes! I lean against him with a smile. So I guess there is nothing in my way then! Yay.
I feel Neth growing more concerned as I remain quiet- whops, I uh- shouldn't be that quiet. I am not making things better oh god no-

„Hey Neth?"
„Mhm?"
„Do you want to be together?"
„A-A?-"
„Like, a thing. A relationship." I say, pretty positiv and excited. I get to have a boyfriend again! And Nether is tall and handsome, so caring and soft on the inside, probably a good pillow too! Ahhh, I can imagine all the fun we're going to have. Maybe I'll move in with him- Help tending to the garden. Imagine us flirting with each other and when night falls-

I get ripped out of my thoughts with silence.
..What?
Have I overheard his answer..?
Has he.. even answered?
The excitement turns into worry really quick, it hurts my stomach. Looking up the other country, he seems to be in some sort of trance. He then blinks, seemingly back in reality, inhaling, then looking at me, serious. My eyes widen and I fearfully expect to be rejected-
„Yes." Netherlands says without any other hesitation, in his usual deep and stable voice.

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