Naruto incorrect quotes

Unwise words

Kakashi about his team of idiots

Kakashi: My heart is guarded but like... very poorly. The kind of guards that would let 3 kids in a trench coat into an R rated movie.

Y/n in reference to life (and sasuke)

Y/n: I have met some of the most insufferable people. But they also met me.

Naruto about the time he ......

Naruto: I've never smoked marijuana. I ate a brownie once at a party. It was intense. It was kind of indescribable. I felt like I was floating. Turns out there was no pot in the brownie. It was just an insanely good brownie.

Shikamaru about the world

A fucking drag

Y/n about life

"Life is like my ex, a bitch."

This is what sasuke's life was when he lived in a cave with kabuto and Orochimaru

Sasuke: I'm gonna mix a can of Red Bull with seventeen shots of espresso in a fishbowl and then chug it while Kids by MGMT plays in the background so I can perceive twenty-three spatial dimensions and fight against my own soul.

Kakashi about his trauma

Kakashi: I think my guardian angel drinks.

Kakashi: Helpful grammar tip: "farther" is for physical distance, "further" is for methaphorical distance, and "father" is for emotional distance!

Sasuke dissing Christmas

Sasuke: I have no respect for Santa. Don't sneak in through the chimney and undermine my authority by bringing my family presents. Walk in through the front door and fight me like a man.

Sasuke's interview with the press

Sasuke: My life isn't as glamorous as my wanted poster made it look.

Naruto on tiktok at 3:00am

Naruto: I just found out that humans are capable of fitting a light bulb into their mouth with ease but can't take it out without shattering it, and now I have to have Sakura physically restrain me from putting a light bulb in my mouth

Sakura with no sleep and lots of paper work

Sakura: When someone points at your black clothes and asks whose funeral it is, having a look around the room and saying 'Haven't decided yet' is typically a good response.

Y/n sleep deprived with no coffee

I'm so tired of this life. I want to be a roomba. I want knives taped to me. And I want to be set loose.

Naruto's home security advice

Naruto: You know, studies show that keeping a ladder in the house is more dangerous than a loaded gun.
Naruto: That's why I own TEN guns.
Naruto: Just in case some maniac tries to sneak in with a ladder.

When Sasuke needs better role models

Sasuke: Dracula had it right, sleep all day, live alone in a castle, and explode into bats to get out of all social situations. (but is he wrong???)

RANDOMS

Shikamaru: I like to play this game called nap roulette. I take a nap and don't set an alarm. Will it be 20 min or 4 hours? Nobody knows. It's risky and I like it.

Y/n: When I see initials carved into a tree with a heart I think it's so romantic. Two lovers on a date... one of them carrying a knife for some reason.

Naruto:: I wasn't hurt that badly. Sakura said all my bleeding was internal, that's where the blood's supposed to be!