Klance Aladdin

10. Friend Like Me

Keith is sitting on his bed still sad about what happened. Kosmo places his head on Keith's lap proving as much comfort as he could. Pidge had to go rest for the night and it was already late as is. Shiro walks into the room. "Keith?" He sees Kosmo's sad face copying Keith's. "Oh, brother. What's wrong?" Shiro walks up to him seeing he has been crying for a while.

"Lotor...has...done something... terrible."

"There, there, there, brother--we'll set it right. Now, tell me everything," Shiro says as he sits down next to Keith. He was briefed a bit by Matt which caused him to rush the work he was doing. Now it's Keith's time.

-

"Oh, oh. Lance? Wake up. Lance." Kalt tries to wake him up knowing he was knocked out cold. She was worried about him. Carpet rises up, lifting Lance up. He slowly starts to wake up slowly.

"Oh, my head." Lance holds his head then looks up at the entrance sealed in. "We're trapped." Angerly, he shakes his fists at the entrance. "That two faced son-of-a-jackal!" He calmed down. "Whoever he was, he's long gone with that lamp." Kalt grins and reveals the Magic Lamp. "Aha!"

"Why, you beautiful little thief! Looks like such a beat-up, worthless piece of junk. Hey, I think there's something written here, but it's hard to make out." Lance rubs the lamp. Suddenly smoke comes out of the hole, the lamp begins to shake and glow, but Lance holds onto the lamp, and our wonderful friend, the genie comes out.

"Aaaaahhhhh! OY! Ten-thousand years will give ya such a crick in the neck! Hang on a second!" He hangs Lance on a nearby rock. Then he pulls his head off and spins it around, yelling as he does so. Carpet pulls a Lance down.

"Whoa! Does it feel good to be outta there!" genie, also Known as Hunk, uses the lamp end of himself as a microphone. "Nice to be back, ladies and gentlemen. Hi, where ya from?" He sticks the mic in Lance's face. "What's your name?"

"Uh, La--uh--Lance."

"Lance!" Hunk says his name as if he's discovered something major. A neon sign lights up with Lance's name on it, circled by chase lights. The sign changes to reflect the genie's upcoming line. "Hello, Lance. Nice to have you on the show. Can we call you 'La?' Or maybe just 'Ance?' Or how about 'Lanci?'" Genie disappears, then a dog wrapped in plaid jumps in. "Sounds like 'Here, boy! C'mon, Laci!'" Lance baffled, shakes his head.

"I must have hit my head harder than I thought.

"Do you smoke? Mind if I do?" Dog poofs into smoke, then back to the genie. Kalt screeches wildly, running to hide behind Lance. "Oh, sorry Cheetah--hope I didn't singe the fur! Hey, Rugman! Haven't seen you in a few millennia! Slap me some tassel! Yo! Yeah!" Carpet flies over and high fives the Genie. Hunk looks at Lance. "Say, you're a lot smaller than my last master." He lifts his beer-gut. "Either that or I'm gettin' bigger. Look at me from the side--do I look different to you?" Lance just processed what he said.

"Wait a minute! I'm--your master?" Hunk slaps a diploma in Lance's hand and a mortarboard on his head. "That's right! He can be taught!! What would you wish of me," as Arnold Schwarzenegger voice, "the ever impressive," inside a cube, "the long contained," as a ventriloquist with a dummy, "often imitated," tosses the dummy aside, "but never duplicated-"-He multiplies into multiple genies who surround him. "Duplicated, duplicated, duplicated, duplicated, duplicated, duplicated, duplicated, duplicated, duplicated. Genie named Hunk! Of! The Lamp!" Says it like a ring announcer at a boxing match. Goes into Ed Sullivan, "Right here direct from the lamp, right here for your enjoyment wish fulfillment. Thank youuuuu!"

"Whoa! Wish fulfillment?"

"Three wishes to be exact." Hunk corrects. "And ix-nay on the wishing for more wishes." Turns into a slot machine, arm pulls down and three genies appear in the windows. "That's it--three. Three genie caballeros come out of the slot. "Uno, dos, tres." Changes into b/w Groucho Marx. "No substitutions, exchanges or refunds." The duck drops with the secret word "Refunds.' Lance whispers to Kalt, "Now I know I'm dreaming." Hunk heard him clearly and turned, ready to explain it to him.

"Master, I don't think you quite realize what you've got here! So why don't you just ruminate, whilst I illuminate the possibilities." Hunk lights up like a fluorescent light. "Well Ali Baba had them forty thieves Scheherazadie had a thousand tales But master you in luck 'cause up your sleeve You got a brand of magic never fails!" Hunk produces 40 thieves who surround Lance with swords. Hunk appears in his vest, then sticks his arms out and boxes the thieves into submission. "You got some power in your corner now Some heavy ammunition in your camp You got some punch, pizzazz, yahoo and how See all you gotta do is rub that lamp And I'll say, "Boxing ring appears, Lance in the corner, being massaged by Hunk. Then Hunk turns into a pile of fireworks and explodes. Then appears inside lamp and grabs Lance's hand and rubs lamp with it. "Mister Lance sir What will your pleasure be? Let me take your order, jot it down You ain't never had a friend like me No no no!" Hunk produces a table and chairs, then writes down things on a note pad, like a waiter. "Life is your restaurant And I'm your maitre' d! C'mon whisper what it is you want You ain't never had a friend like me." Hunk appears as a plate of chicken, then returns to normal, but enlarges his ear to listen to Lance. Finally, he explodes into four duplicate Hunk's. "Yes sir, we pride ourselves on service You're the boss, the king, the shah! Say what you wish, it's yours! True dish How about a little more Baklava?"

Hunk gives him a shave, haircut and manicure, then Lance appears in a comfy chair. Surrounded by the treasure and being fanned by women. Hunk appears and fills the screen with baklava. "Try some of column 'A' Try all of column 'B' I'm in the mood to help you dude You ain't never had a friend like me." Lance rises up on a column of food with a giant A on top, then jumps to another column with a B on top. He falls off and is caught by a cushion held by Hunk. He opens his mouth, and his tongue turns into a staircase. A miniature genie dressed like a magician comes out. The mini genie does a little dance with the genie's two giant hands. At the end, they surround the mini-Genie and squish him into nothing.

"Can your friends do this?" The genie pulls off his head, duplicates it, then juggles them.

"Do your friends do that?" He tosses them to Lance, who juggles with one hand and spins one of the heads on his fingertip like a basketball.

"Do your friends pull this out their little hat." He tosses the heads back onto the genie, who proceeds to try and pull himself out of a hat at his base. He spirals around and around until he turns into a white rabbit. The rabbit transforms into a purple dragon.

"Can your friends go poof!" The dragon breathes fire, which turns into three harem girks, who dance around Lance.

"Well looky here Can your friends go Abracadabra, let 'er rip And then make the sucker disappear?" Just as he begins to enjoy them, they disappear.

"So don't you sit there slack jawed, buggy eyed I'm here to answer all your midday prayers You got me bona fide, certified You got a genie for a charg? d'affairs! I got a powerful urge to help you out So what you wish I really want to know You got a wish that's three miles long, no doubt So all you gotta do is rub like so, and oh!" Hunk imitates what he is calling Lance, then turns into a certificate which rolls up and surrounds Lance. Hunk pulls a list, written in galran out of Lance's ear, which he uses to rub his behind like drying off after a shower. "Mister Lance, sir, have a wish or two or three I'm on the job, you big nabob You ain't never had a friend, never had a friend You ain't never had a friend, never had a friend You ain't never...had a... friend... like...me! You ain't never had a friend like me!" The dancing hareem girls reappear, and Lance leans in to kiss one. She turns into the genie, who zaps four dancing elephants into existence. To the other direction, he zaps in four dancing camels, and a grand finale dancing number ensues. Kalt grabs as much gold as she can, but the genie wraps everything up in a cyclone and zaps it away until they're all back in the cave. Genie has a neon "APPLAUSE" sign on his back. Kalt turns her hat over and sees that is empty.