KOTLC/PJO Oneshots

Darkness - Solangelo

Sorry I was gone for a bit, I went on vacation. Here you go, an extremely angsty Solangelo oneshot.

TRIGGER WARNING! Suicidal thoughts, self-hate, cutting, etc. PLEASE READ AT YOUR OWN RISK! If this sort of stuff triggers you or something, then please do not read. Stay safe and if this stuff is happening to you, please tell someone or feel free to message me.

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Nico stared in the mirror at himself. Pale skin and dark circles under his eyes from not sleeping. He was thin. Too thin. Probably because he hadn't eaten in days.

Scars covered his body in all shapes and sizes. He traced them over with his fingers, They touched his bruised, broken skin.

He was horrible. He looked broken, so broken that he could never be put back together. His heart had been shattered one too many times.

The voices in his head never stopped. 

No one loves you. You're an outcast.

Percy hates you. Jason and Hazel were faking.

They were all laughing behind your back.

Why do you exist? You have no purpose.

Nico clutched his head in his hand. No, that wasn't true. Percy and Jason cared. Annabeth and Hazel loved him.

His hand instinctively grabbed the razor, glaring at his wrist. So pale it was almost white. He could see the bones through the thin flesh covering it.

I deserve this.

It cut right into his skin, deep through the layers. Blood dripped out, a flash of color on white. He cut again, a thin line tracing his wrist.

Tears poured out of his eyes and his breathing was quick and short. The razor sliced a new cut across his arm.

My fault.

His fingers were bloody, his eyes an ocean of tears. Nico collapsed onto the ground, crying out in pain.

No one loves me.

His head was dizzy, the world spinning in circles as he tried to focus. He cut again, a fresh wound, a new scar.

I wish I was dead.

It would have been easier if it didn't hurt so much. But if he deserved this, all this pain, then it was worth it. 

They all want me dead.

Nico wished someone would come in. They would tell him it was okay, that it would all be fine. How they loved him and cared about him. They would say he was wrong, that everything would be okay.

But no one would.

Because no one cared. He slipped deeper into the void of sadness and depression, of self-hate and heartbreak and pain.

The void of darkness.

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Will collapsed onto his bed, exhausted. He had worked for so long, helping and healing hundreds of campers. He couldn't remember the last time he had a break or slept or even ate a full meal.

"Will?" Kayla's voiced called. "Where are you?"

Will got up immediately, fixing his hair and smoothing down his navy t-shirt. His fake, perfect smile appeared on his tired face.

He wished he could just rest, sleep and feel okay. Because even though he healed everyone, no one could heal him.

"Here, Kayla." Will walked over into the infirmary.

"Can you help Jess?" Austin asked him. "I'm going to break."

"Got it." He gave Austin the fake smile he had perfected. Austin smiled back and left.

Jess had been in the infirmary for a few days now. Her arm was broken during a fight with Marcia, another camper.

Typical Aries kids.

"How are you, Jess?" He asked, grabbing bandages off a counter.

"Not great." Her dark brown hair was spread out on the pillow, her voice sleepy.

"That's okay. I'm going to set your arm with some bandages and then a cast, okay?"

"Sure."

Will set to work, wrapping the girl's arm carefully. His hands worked automatically, almost like a robot. He barely had to focus, having done this hundreds of times before.

He finished her arm and fed her a little ambrosia and nectar, before leaving. His fingers ached from working so long.

He pulled off his gloves and winced. They were bleeding again and hurt like hell. He rebandaged them and took a deep breath.

It was a secret he kept from everyone. Will knew he worked too much (some shifts lasted until midnight or even later) and once, in the dark, he smashed his fingers by reaching for a medicine bottle.

Working made it worse, but he was one of the best healers they had. They needed him.

Sometimes he felt like they only needed him for healing.

Will moved on to more and more patients, fixing and healing, bandaging and cleaning wounds. He hadn't even realized the time.

Black spots danced in his eyes and a fresh wave of exhaustion swept over him. Tears of tiredness poured out of his eyes and his stomach tightened.

Starving and tired. The only two words that could describe how he was feeling at the moment. Will felt like he would pass out, but he couldn't. Evelynn, another healer, had asked him to cover her night shift for today.

Everyone always asked him to do extra work. Steve, three times this week for the morning. Isabel, twice for afternoon. Kevin, six times for night. Dalia, four times for evening.

Will's legs were shaking, his eyes fluttering, head throbbing. Tears fell as he tried to lift the burden of helping people. It was getting stronger as he got weaker.

He was breaking, slowly, cracking underneath the surface. No one would know, because he was happy Will. Perfect Will. The Will that always smiled and made it all okay.

But it wasn't okay.

He wasn't okay.

If it all just stopped, would it be better? If he just died? Then would this burden be gone? Would he be healed.

He wanted to be happy. To live, not just survive.

Pain ran through his body, himself shaking and crying. Because it wouldn't stop, it just wouldn't stop, he was so incredibly broken and tired and no one knew because no one cared, they all just wanted him for his healing, and no one ever would-

Will was trying so hard. He tried to make himself okay. The Will everyone knew and loved. If he wasn't this Will, then who would care?

He slipped deeper into the void of sadness and depression, of self-hate and heartbreak and pain.

The void of darkness.

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Two boys. So far apart, but so close. Broken and shattered. Two boys pretending to be okay, faking smiles and happiness.

But they aren't.

They don't have any hope left. The world never gave them any love. They ripped their happiness, their light, their love, until all that's left is...

Darkness.

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