𖤐⭒๋࣭ ⭑ this side of paradise

Chapter 9

— so if you're lonely, no need to show me

TW !! THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS DELICATE TOPICS SUCH AS CUTT1NG.
I'll mark that part with ‼️, feel free to skip it if it triggers you in any way.
The parts after the TW will be marked with 🌸.

He looked depressed.
He looked depressed.

How did a depressed person look like?
Google said a depressed person could have baggy and puffy eyes and a dull or lifeless complexion.
Well, he had dark circles under his eyes...and his skin was dull and pale.

Others were changes in weight and loss of appetite.
With his usual baggy hoodies it couldn't be seen, but he became so skinny since the last time he went to school.
It looked like he was starving and malnourished, but it wasn't true. It was him who didn't eat that much and not the people he lived with that starved him.

Damn...he looked so bad, so ugly...they were right. Even a pig looked better than him.

He read about a thing on Tumblr, a thing many people did when they weren't feeling good. They said it was relaxing, relieving, or even satisfying. Emil didn't think it was a good idea, but if it was THAT relieving...he might as well try?

‼️So, he locked himself in the bathroom and grabbed the first sharp thing he found in his house; the cap of a pen. You could easily get hurt with that, so Emil guessed it could've worked.
He put off his hoodie and looked at his arms. Those snow-white arms, that soon would get covered in scratches and cuts.
He bit his lower lip, asking himself if he was doing the right thing.

Well, yeah! He trusted people on Tumblr, and if they said it was relieving, why not trying...

He grabbed the pen cap and got it close to his right arm, kind of anxious.
Did so, he dragged it on the pale skin of his.

He teared up.
The pain was almost indescribable, but it still sort of attracted him. Pain.
He deserved it, didn't he?
Yeah, for existing.

Another cut.
He saw the blood running down his arm slowly as he cut. He was happy he got over his hemophobia a long time ago; effectively, it was kind of satisfying. Painful, but satisfying.

Another cut.
Another, another, another.

The blood almost stained his white t-shirt, that was the time he decided to stop.

He washed the blood away from the pen cap, then attempted to try and washing the cuts.

Worst idea ever.
He had to do it, but damn, it hurt so much. It burned, and it was barely bearable. It was a lot if he wasn't screaming in pain.

He turned the tap off, grabbing some tissues and drying the arm he cut on; then grabbed the bandages they always had in the medicine drawer and bandaged the arm.
He always wore hoodies, nobody was ever going to find out what he did.

🌸He made sure he didn't stain anything with the blood and unlocked the door, to get out and run to his room.

~~~POV SWITCH!~~~

Again, it was two days Emil always left him on read.

It kind of irritated Leon this time. He missed chatting with him every night, or in the afternoon, asking if he was already up.