He could still hear the echo of Matthias' voice saying those words. He had such a disappointed tone of voice, it was so painful.
He found himself in a bone crashing hug again. Those big and warm arms, surrounding his thin and fragile body. His arms hurt, but it was ok. He deserved it, didn't he?
He felt so ashamed. So selfish. So wrong.
Hearing Matthias cry was terrible. It made him feel even worse.
Honestly, Emil thought that making Matthias cry had to be considered as a crime. He was literally the personification of pure happiness, how could you make such a creature cry?
He hated the fact that he was the one who made him cry. Him and his stupid cuts. Him and his mere existence.
It felt like forever. Hugging Matthias. With some guilty feeling...some? Lots, actually. He felt so damn guilty for self-harming. He could've just doodle or do something else to distract himself...couldn't he?
Damn, he was so stupid! Why didn't he think of that? Now his family would start getting clingy and never leave him alone. It happened once, and it felt like drowning.
At least now he had... Wait, if his family would cling to him, they'll find out about Leon! Emil didn't tell them about his online frie— boyfriend yet, and honestly he was so scared of how Lukas would react. He was pretty strict on online relationships...always about the "Stranger danger" thing: how can you be sure they're not a ped0phile? Or a hacker? Or a murderer? Or a rap3r? Matthias, otherwise, was chill about the topic; for him, Emil could do anything but something that could harm him and/or anyone else.
So he had only one way to chat with Leon while avoiding Lukas: texting him at night. He tried once, but Leon straightly told him to go to sleep.
"go get some sleep, you really need it", he texted. Emil loved how much Leon cared, but in that moment he was a real joykiller.
He kinda slept after that. Kinda.
He woke up screaming in the middle of the night. Night terror episodes weren't that new, but it still was pretty scary for Em and the other two. Imagine waking up to your little brother (or "soon-to-be brother in law") screaming.
Talking about the "soon-to-be brother in law" thing...
Some days later, Matthias literally proposed to Lukas.
Under Emil's eyes.
He didn't really know how to feel about that... Like, they lived together for seven years and everything went good (except for some fights here and there) and it kinda felt relieving seeing Lukas so happy after that, but still it was scary.
Would they forget him? They couldn't...like, who's paying for therapy then? What if they adopted a child? Then would they neglect him?
Those question leaded to an anxiety attack, an hour later the proposal. It was the first one he experienced, and nor Lukas nor Matthias knew how to act.
Best experience ever.
~~~
It happened only the day before and Leon was still celebrating.
He had a boyfriend.
He lived on he other side of the world, but that was fine anyway.
The first thing Leon wanted to do was buying a ticket for a plane to Norway, but he didn't for his wallet's sake. And if he did buy it Yao would've freaked out because Leon "randomly" bought a ticket for a plane. He didn't know yet: Leon was still afraid of his judgment. He didn't want to be disowned because he was dating some random white guy he met on internet.
He was fond of his family. Oh, yeah, he was.
Yong Soo wasn't really that annoying and sometimes he was a really nice person. Chen was his second favorite person. He was so calm and patient, but also so easy-going and gentle. He was probably the only person who really listened to Leon. Kiku was an introverted version of Chen. Maybe he was more respectful and followed more traditions. Mei was amazing. She knew how to cook and bake, and that was enough for Leon. And Yao...he literally raised every other brother, and even Leon at some point. He was a good "mum".
Others (like Damrong and Lien) didn't live there, but still sometimes they visited them to hear about news and stuff.
He was happy about his family afterall.
Leon sighed, grabbing his phone and scrolling down Instagram. Maybe he could look at Em's old posts. Always if he ever posted some stuff.
The first posts he found, the most recents, were vents and rarely any photo. Vents were about the bullies at his school and about how much he wanted everything and everyone to stop hurting him.
A tear fell down one of his eyes before he could stop it. It was so sad, reading Emil's old vents. He had this kind of "mask" that hid a bit his feelings, even though you can clearly see he's not ok, but in those vents you could see his true self tryna escape his own mind.
Then, scrolling down, there were some photos of him, what Leon thought was his family and some cute drawings and doodles.
The best he found was probably a photo he posted on his fifteenth birthday. It was just a simple photo. Those ones you randomly find in your gallery because someone stole your phone and took it. It was a photo of him smiling and looking at a pack of what looked like licorice.
As he stared at the post heartwarmingly, a call came from his Nugget. What a coincidence!
«hello?» Leon answered the call, with a smile on his lips.
«hey, Le-Leon» oh, yeah, it was his partner...not like he thought it was somebody else. He sounded so relaxed it was really soothing.
«oh, Em» Leon smiled fully now, «what's up?»
«n-nothing.» Emil stuttered, «It's t-that I'm ho-home alone r-r-right now and I f-f-felt lonely»
He was home alone? Oh, poor his love.
«c-can we chat a l-little b—it?» he asked shyly and a bit hesitant.
«of course we can!» Leon exclaimed excited, «what do you wanna talk about?»
«I d—on't really know...» he said in a wondering tone, «I'm not g-g-good at c-conversa-sations. Just s-say an-anything and I'll l-listen.»
- - - Chen is Macau, Damrong is Thailand and Lien is Vietnam. I hope you enjoyed this chapter!
Have Berlusconi with makeup, heels and random piercings
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