𖤐⭒๋࣭ ⭑ this side of paradise

Chapter 12

— Dreaming of a circus life

TW !! THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS DELICATE TOPICS SUCH AS CUTT1NG.
I'll mark that part with ‼️, feel free to skip it if it triggers you in any way.
The parts after the TW will be marked with 🌸.

The two weirdos got back to their houses sooner than Emil expected, as well as the sky got dark.

Meaning it was time for antidepressants, but all Emil got was a bad ending.
He had nausea all night.
Why didn't it make him feel better? Wasn't that the purpose of an antidepressant? Why did it just make him nauseated?

«I-I-I swear I'm g-g-gonna hang m-myself!» he mumbled as he walked into the kitchen, the next morning, feeling horribly.

He sat at his favourite chair (who doesn't have a favorite chair?) and laid his head on the table, looking at Matthias who was trying to make french toast.

«not if I take away any rope, belt and scarf I find in this Goddamn house» Lukas mumbled as well.

He probably wasn't in a good mood.
Well...he never was before drinking at least two cups of coffee.

«oh, cheer up, you two!» Matthias exclaimed, grabbing three cups out of nowhere. He put them on the table and pushed them to the owners without making them fall, somehow. If he did, Lukas would've probably kill him.

Emil grabbed his cup, sniffing the drink...
Hot chocolate.

He drank it quickly, impulsively and saying goodbye to his taste buds.
Chocolate made this effect on him, and both Matthias and Lukas found it rather disturbing.

As he drank, some thoughs haunted his mind. What if he gained weight?
Like, he was as thin as a stick at the moment, but what if he gained too much weight and ended up being chubby?
There was nothing against being chubby, but that would make him so insecure, even more than how he felt as a thin stick.

«I made some french toast~» then Matthias said, «enjoy»
He placed the plates in front of them, then sat down and looked at them.

Emil stared at the plate, starting overthinking about his weight.
He looked at his brother, he was still drinking the coffee and looked like he was enjoying it.

He couldn't eat.

«what's wrong, Em?» Matthias asked to the younger, who flinched and looked at him.

He needed an excuse, quickly...

«I s-s-s-still f-f-feel na-na-nauseated.» he said, hoping Matthias would believe him.

«he's lying» Lukas stated, placing the empty cup on the table. How did he find out?!

«ho-how...?»

«oh, please, Emil, I know you since you were born.» the other said, « you get nervous when you lie, therefore you stutter more.»

Emil looked again at the french toast, biting his lower lip. He grabbed the fork and knife next to him and cut one part, then tried to get it, but his hand paralyzed, leaving the fork half a centimeter from the french toast.

He couldn't, something was stopping him from eating.

«Em, please, eat» Matthias said, going suddenly serious.

Emil got up, without saying anything, but this time Lukas was fast enough to grab his wrist.
It almost made him shriek, but he suffocated it for the love of God.

«Em, you need to eat» he said, trying to make him sit down again.

«I...I c-c-can't...»

«at least a little bit.»