MHA Angst Oneshots - Multishipper❤️

6.) The Letter (Deku Angst) (no ship)

TW: suicidal thoughts, depression, mentions of bullying

Deku POV
I was going through old boxes at my mom's house. She wanted to clear out the cardboard clutter that I had left when I started living in the U.A. dorms. So many old memories, some good, most bad. Life before UA certainly wasn't the greatest but it was alright for the most part. I made it through and here I am, on the track to being a hero.

I was on the second box of stuff in my closet when I saw a closed envelope and it read, "To Izuku." That's strange, I don't remember this. I flip it over to the back to find the cream colored paper to be stamped in black with the signature of my old school. Odd, I feel like I would've remembered writing this.

I carefully open the old envelope to reveal what looks like a letter, and at the bottom it is signed, "From Izuku." The title at the top read out 'Letter to my future self.'

God this has to be from middle school, but I don't remember writing it. Maybe I just forgot about it, I mean it is the future now, so I guess I can read it. I let my eyes fall below the title as they started to spell out the words on the crinkled old paper with ink marks from years ago.

"Dear Izuku,

How was High School? I hope you made it through middle school. 3rd year was really hard. If you remember, I had a few...problems. I don't know how I managed to get through the year. I still feel really empty and alone. I don't have any friends in my grade, or in this state, I'm all alone. Did you make up with any of your classmates? I really hope you have friends in High school. Going into a different building with new classes and stuff sounds stressful, especially without any friends by your side. That actually sounds impossible, and stressful.

I know you didn't make up with Kacchan. After what he said about our "friendship", doubt you could even call it that. 3rd year was a depressing year. Is High School as depressing? I don't even know what else to write. Just to say that hopefully in college, if you get into to it, you will be happier. I really hope you get in, it's something to look forward to. I don't have anything to look forward to, except the end of the school year, and after I'm dying my hair, I'm also excited for that. Did you do better in school, like math class? Did you get good grades? What college did Kacchan go to anyway?

I'm normally sad and happy when the year is done. I have to say goodbye to my friends, which is usually sad. Saying goodbye to middle school this year won't be that hard because of how extremely depressing and horrible this year was because of my "friends." I can't even call them that, friends support and are KIND to you, not call you names and say you're ugly and sorts. Friends don't break each other down. Or make them want to really hurt themselves to get away from all the drama. I don't even know if I can make it to 3rd year of high school.

I wish this year would've turned out better. Anyway, I don't know how school feels for you right now. I hope you don't get teased and bullied anymore. I hope Kacchan and the rest are nicer. I also hope everyone is still healthy. I really need someone to relate to. I need someone like Kacchan to be my friend again, I really hoped him leaving wouldn't be this bad.
I really wish he was here, he always had my back, always cheered me up, and made me happy, and want to be alive, at least he did when we were younger. There are very few things that are keeping me from taking myself away. I need a good friend in my life, who'll help me. Goodbye and good luck in college.

Signed, Izuku"

Oh my god...

Did I seriously write that in middle school. I don't remember being that depressed, god I'm glad I offered to go through these boxes instead of my poor mother. I can't even imagine her reaction if she read this entry. I have several similar to this in my journal but none as detailed and filled with emotions. I think I'm gonna be sick. I ran swiftly to my attached bathroom an swing open the faded wooden door. I collapse down to the ground as my headed is lifted over the white toilet.

Vomit quickly spewed from my mouth and when I finished throwing up, I made my way to the sink. I took an extra toothbrush from the pack and brushed my teeth painstakingly. I spit it out and discarded the toothbrush.

But I can't help but think about it more. The insults stick with me to this day, and I find myself even saying a few sometimes. Such a dark tone from such a young person, I didn't want to relive those memories, so I guess I wrote this and shut them out.

I don't miss those days in the slightest. Hiding bruises from my mom, covering scars from my so called friends. Even now, the past still finds a cruel way to torture me. I can't move on, but I know I need to. I know I said I forgave him already, but I have I really?

Such hateful words from a forded friend. I wish I could forgot all the horrible things that happened during those long years, especially the ones that involve a certain blonde hot-head. I've never told anyone, but I still have his hand burned into the pale skin of my shoulder. Forever molded into my memory, remembering is such an agonizing event. That scar has been with me for longer than I expected.

However, he's grown as a person and I of all people have noticed. But I still remember his words to this day.

"Just pray that you'll be born with a quirk in your next life, and take a swan dive off the roof of the building."

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