To my dear Chuuya...

CHAPTER 16

Coughing erupted from the other room, making the two boys break their kiss, the magical atmosphere dissipating. The coughing continued, Chuuya being able to clearly hear it even through the closed door of the reading area.

"Is that Odasaku?" the redhead asked, a concerned look on his face. "Is he alright?" Chuuya started walking towards the door in order to check on Oda, but Dazai grabbed his arm, holding him in place.

"He's alright," the boy said, looking at the ground with an empty look in his eyes, his jaw slightly clenching at the continuing sound of coughing.

"Well, he sure as hell doesn't sound alright," Chuuya countered his words.

"He hates being seen like this," Dazai said, his voice barely above a whisper.

"What are you talking about?" Chuuya asked, the coughing finally stopping.

"He has lung cancer," Dazai's words filled the quiet room, ringing in Chuuya's ears. The bandaged boy faced the redhead, a sad smile appearing on his face. "He doesn't know I know. He still tries to hide it from me," a humorless laugh escaped from his lips, "So please don't mention it in front of him."

Chuuya didn't know what to say. It seemed like Dazai and Odasaku had known each other for a long time, so he felt like it wasn't his place to interfere in their business. Even though he was trying to hide it, it was obvious that Oda's sickness was affecting Dazai, and Chuuya desperately wanted to take his mind off of it, but, at the same time, he was curious.

The redhead sighed, taking Dazai's hand in his own. "Let's go back to our room. He probably wants to be alone right now," he said, the two of them leaving the reading area. Oda had a tissue up to his mouth, red stains being noticeable on it.

"You boys already leaving?" he asked, trying to form a smile only to break into another coughing fit.

Dazai's grip on Chuuya's hand tightened as he averted his gaze from Oda. "Yes. Good night," he simply said, rushing out of the library. As they walked back to their room, neither of them spoke.

Their room was just as dark as the rest of the building, but their eyes had already adjusted to the darkness, so they didn't bother to turn on the lights. They just walked over to the bed, getting under the covers, both of them too tired to change their clothes.

For some unknown reason, Chuuya felt sick to his stomach. He wanted to take away Dazai's pain -the pain he was trying so hard to hide. The redhead adjusted himself in bed so that he was nestling his head against his chest. Dazai tensed for a second at the sudden show of affection before relaxing in Chuuya's arms, wrapping his own around his waist while planting a small kiss on his collarbone.

Silence filled the room, both of them finding comfort in each other's arms.

"Why did they send you here?" Dazai suddenly asked, startling Chuuya.

Chuuya thought about it. It wasn't like he was trying to hide his past, but no one had ever asked him about it. And it was obvious that his roommate needed to think about something else. "I was just a really messed up kid," he answered after a few moments. Dazai stayed quiet, waiting for him to continue. "When I was really small, my parents abandoned me and I was taken to an orphanage. For the first few years, I didn't even talk," he laughed a bitter laugh remembering. "But after that, I started socializing with the other kids. I was one of the smallest, so a lot of bigger kids ganged up on me and beat me. I never fought back. I was too young to win against them. But then, a family picked me up. They welcomed me in their home and I thought I would finally escape. But they took me back to the orphanage after only three weeks. Fuckers said I creeped them out cause I was always so silent," Dazai listened to Chuuya's words, not interrupting him at all.