Why is Love so Complicated? (Bakudeku)

Chapter 8- Katsuki

Dammit! Why did I even say all that to him in the first place?! There's no way he's going to want to talk to me now. I groaned as I turned from side to side. My arm covered my eyes as I tried not to picture him. After calming down for a bit, I took a deep breath.

Deku. Of all the guys I could've fallen for, why him?! I can't get you out of my head. No matter how hard I try, I just can't. Why is it so hard? Especially when I've hurt this person since I was a kid. He doesn't and didn't deserve all the shit I've done to him.

"Hey Kat! Dinner's ready!" I heard my mom's muffling voice from behind the closed door.

"Not now, mom!"

"Did something happen? Do you want to talk about it?"

"Just leave me alone! I've got so much to deal with and I'm so tired from rehearsal."

"Well, okay then. I'll make sure to save a plate for you, all right?" She responded and her footsteps descended away from my room.

I lifted my arm up and set it aside on my bed. I think I was about to cry at that moment. Even if he's willing to look past on what I did, I just don't want to hurt him. Is this what it feels like to have to put a distance from him?

Gah!! I hate it! How can one guy make me feel things? I heard another knock on my door. "Old hag! I'm not hungry!!"

"Uh... it's just your dad." Oh. "May I come in, please?" I groaned out in a tired voice. "I'll take that as a yes." I heard the door open, but I just stared up at the ceiling.

"So, this is how it ends, I'm never going to school and I'm never going to see Deku again."

"Are you being a little dramatic, Kat?" The old hag chimed in and I averted my eyes from the ceiling to my mom. "Right... I'm gonna go and finish up dinner for you, Masaru. So... see you soon." Then she left and went downstairs.

"You better go downstairs with mom before she ruins dinner," I told him.

"I'll take care of it. Right after we talk." He stated as he sat down on the edge of my bed. "Did something happen at school?"

"Does it even matter?"

"Of course it does. I want to listen and it sounds like you're frustrated with your love life."

"What gave it away?" I asked as I finally made eye contact with him.

"Many things, but if I say it, you might want to avoid me even more," he stated. "Anyway, I'll ask you again. Did something happen at school?"

I sat up from my bed and brought my knees to my chest and hugged them. "Do you remember when I was in fifth grade and you and mom told me that he's autistic?"

"Yes and we had to ground you after finding out you've been bullying him."

"Right. And I know I had to apologize to him. But I actually never apologized," I say in a strained voice.

"Huh?! What do you mean you never apologized?! You mean to tell me that the whole time you're friends with Izuku, you never apologized in the first place?!"

"WHAT?!" Mom yelled. "Oops. I'll leave now." I can't believe she eavesdropped on us.

"Your mother doesn't think I can do this," dad admits as his hand reaches the back of his neck to rub in nervousness. I raised an eyebrow at him and looked away from him. "So... was there any reason why you didn't apologize?"

"How can someone move past things if I bullied him? He said that he forgives me for what I did. But I don't feel like I deserve forgiveness," I admitted. "There's no way he'd want to be my friend after all I did was bully him."