Between the Veil and Crown

Kylin 20

He did his best to act as though nothing was wrong in front of Amelia. He knew that if he came back acting slightly off, it would alarm her, and she would push for him to tell her what was wrong.

Just like Marta, it was nothing she would be able to fix. Not even with all of her healing prowess.

As dear as Amelia was to him, he solitude much more preferable. He gained these moments of solitude by playing into Amelia's encouragement for exercise, and would convince her that he intended to just take walk around the headquarters. Amelia was pleased with the initiative, and did not think much of it. But when eyes were finally off him, he slipped off into a small, overlooked cranny in the headquarters. Then, he would curl up and do what he could to not think of anything.

It was the only relief he could find. Everything else was too much of a reminder. He couldn't grieve Wylett, let alone hear Wylett's name, without thinking of the battle, which led him and Favel. He could barely face another Ranger without wondering what they thought of his survival and not Favel's- and it was much worse around Marta. The med bay reminded him of it, the dying plants outside reminded him of it, even the very suns. He couldn't escape it. It was everywhere.

Unless he was tucked away in the dark, with nothing around him. There was nothing to focus on. Nothing to think about. Just to sit there and wait as long as he though he could get away with.

His new habit avoided hearing of the news happening around the headquarters. He assumed that it was business as usual, anyways. The other two Rangers in the med bay were healing nicely, and even Ivelios was recovering enough that Morganne and Amelia didn't pester him every time they saw him.

Rei was still stomping around, as Kylin discovered on one fateful morning. He had turned a corner to discover Rei striding down the hall with purpose. He slipped into an open room, hoping that Rei hadn't caught sight of him.

As far as he knew, Rei wasn't actively looking for him, and the business with the flower likely kept him busy enough to bother searching out Kylin, but all the same, it was an encounter he didn't want to have. He knew that Rei would push in areas that not even Amelia would go.

Thankfully, Rei breezed by his place of hiding without so much as a glance into the room. All the same, Kylin waited until he heard the captain's boots trail off into the distance before breathing sighing a breath of relief and carrying on with heading to his usual haunt.

Eventually, even the darkness offered no relief. His mind refused to remain blank. It kept swirling on the one thought: You should be dead. You should be dead.

When it became too much, he attempted to relieve it by seeking out other dark corners in the headquarters. It helped some. The constantly changing environment mean that his mind was momentarily distracted by the newness and the searching that it couldn't properly keep his attention on the accusatory statement.

It took him a while to realize that his interactions with even Amelia had become few and far between. His days consisted of sleeping, waking, and finding a place to hide. Food got in there somewhere, but he could have been eating ashes for all the care he put into his diet.

There were times that he heard Amelia come in and pretended to still be asleep, sometimes actually falling back asleep while just trying to pretend.

He didn't bother checking the progress of his right arm or the movement capabilities of his neck. Not doing much as it was, he didn't feel any urgent need to see how it was working.