fingers crossed

two ghosts

*this chapter we have a bit of Harry Styles, not the most niche but this song really reminds us of what happened that week and we love a bit of Harry*

JOE'S POV

She held my hands tightly to her chest as she looked in my eyes and said what I think she must have been planning all evening as she was sat so quietly twiddling a loose strand of hair. I feel like a stone has dropped in my stomach, she must not feel the same as me as clearly her idea of this relationship has no future.

I've been searching for having feelings like these my entire life and as soon as I open myself up to someone it falls apart so quickly. Sometimes I hate social media.

DIANNE'S POV

I try to be as careful as I can when approaching the subject because Joe seems pretty nervous when I start talking. I explain that I'm not saying we need to end things but just maybe tone it down a bit until the media is off our tails and the fans let go of our relationship a bit. He goes very quiet and I kiss him goodnight as I think it's probably best to give him a bit of space after throwing all of this on him.

****

JOE'S POV

This morning I woke up more alone than I have ever felt. I got myself down to Elstree and greeted everyone with a smile, including Dianne who seemed to be acting as if this didn't bother her at all. We all rehearse and head to hair and make-up which has an exciting buzz for Halloween. Still feeling a bit out of it I look in the mirror to see Dianne behind me giggling with Liv getting her makeup done and remind myself to hold it in around her. Later on I hear her joking with Luca putting flowers in her hair about roses being the key to her heart. I can't help but feel my heart sink a little.

We are finally alone when we head to my dressing room and we quickly mark through the dance. Seeing how happy she is with how I am doing almost makes me forget everything as she pulls me in for a congratulatory hug. As we part she is still grinning and holds my face close to hers, I realise my face must look pretty conflicted as she worriedly asks if I'm okay with this. I find myself lost for words, where do we even stand now? There's clearly feelings but is this just a fling? Does she mean we just need to keep it quiet until after Strictly? Or does she mean all of this in a twisted platonic way? I start to feel a bit overwhelmed and frustrated and I leave the room- god that felt dramatic.

****

Dianne avoided my dressing room for the rest of the day. Throughout the show in the evening she's acting completely normal, holding my hand, laughing with the dancers, cheering like her normal outgoing self. She seems completely unbothered by all of this meanwhile I'm struggling to keep it together and need to return to the backstage area whenever I can throughout the show.

DIANNE'S POV

I've messed up and caused all of this hurt inside Joe. Maybe I didn't explain myself well enough? I'm filled with guilt and frustration with how I handled the whole thing but I guess it will have to wait until after the show because before I knew it we were lined up to head on stage to pre-film for the opening halloween special number, so all I could do today is give him a little space to breathe.

Throughout the live show Joe feels so distant from me, barely touching me, not standing near me and he keeps disappearing? At the end of our dance -which went SO well- he barely even hugged me for the cameras before darting off towards the judges, and when hearing our score we stood side by side, the distance between us feeling much bigger than it was. He can't even act like we're friends anymore- or I guess maybe he doesn't want to be.

I try to focus on my dancing, this is what I worked for my whole life after all. The pro's group dance went okay but I struggled a bit with the tricks on the table as I tried to keep my thoughts quiet. Joe and I make it through to another week. I am relieved but also so desperate to get away from the cameras and watching eyes so we can talk. My heart is pounding as I silently urge the show to end. I hope if I say something soon I could at least salvage something between Joe and I.