Sinful Pleasures • kim namjoon

chapter 24

i reached his office and knocked on the door, he yelled that i should enter in which i did, i closed the door behind me and slowly made my way towards his desk. he was typing something on his phone, i noticed his diary which was placed right next to him. he looked up at me, ''Ari, i have to go to the manager's office, would you please wait for me?'' i nodded without saying a word, he got up and left his office. i waited for a few seconds before walking behind his desk, i placed the file next to the diary.

i stared at it, contemplating whether if i should read it, curiosity got the best of me. i picked up his diary and opened it on the first page, i then realized that it wasn't really a diary planner but a journal.

what secrets was he hiding in his journal?

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Monday

i dread coming to work everyday, it's honestly exhausting being surrounded by people that either frustrates me and sometimes stress me out. i try to find the motivation to come to work but nothing really helps, the only thing i enjoy about coming to work is expecting a visit from Alice.

nothing excites me, my music is somewhat unusual. maybe it's because i don't sound interesting in making music, i sound like i'm forced. forced to make music that no one even listens to except for my friends.

i'm constantly surrounded my darkness, i always think of putting myself to sleep but i can't. i have a family, a daughter that loves me. i'm only here because of her, i can't imagine her without me. i always wanted to be a dad, i guess i should not take this opportunity for granted and actually be a father...

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i looked up to see if Namjoon was back but he wasn't, i wanted to read further but i didn't want to get caught. i closed the journal and placed exactly where i found it, i picked up my file and made my way around to the front of the desk.

i kept thinking about what he meant by "putting myself to sleep". as i stood there and thought about it, i realized that he didn't mean actually sleeping which sounds stupid. when i realized what he actually meant my heart sank, i couldn't believe that he actually wanted to do that to himself.

i found myself panicking, i needed to sit down. i quickly made my way to his leather couch and sat down. i fanned myself with the cover of the file, i knew i was about to have a panic attack.

as i sat there, i heard the door knob turn. Namjoon entered his office with a stack of papers, he closed the door with his left foot. i couldn't look at him, i honestly felt bad. if i did, i would've cried.

i was breathing heavily, i fanned myself even faster. at that point i knew i was having a panic attack, i heard the stack of papers fall. i flinched, after a few seconds i saw a figure knelling I'm front of me.

i looked at the figure and it was Namjoon, he had a frantic look on his face. "Ari? what's wrong?" he asked.

i started to sob, i regretted reading his journal. why did i keep making mistakes? stupid and pointless mistakes.

"Ari, you're scaring me. what happened?" he asked, this time his voice broke. it sounded like he was on the verge of crying as well.