Sinful Pleasures • kim namjoon

chapter 23

it was my lunch break, i saw Taehyung pass by my desk. lately, me and Taehyung always had lunch together. sometimes in the presence of Jungkook or just the two of us, we went to the cafe, the same cafe me and Namjoon once went to together. i felt strange at first, the memories that took place. our first proper encounter without feeling threatened by our coworkers but i don't think he felt threatened.

me and Taehyung entered the cafe, we both ordered coffee and two sandwiches for the both of us, i took the card that had a table number, i searched for the number on each tables until i found it. i sat down and placed my handbag beside me, Taehyung insisted on paying for the both of us. after he paid, we looked around for me until he caught my gaze and made his way to me.

he sat across me, it was silent for few minutes until one of us decided to speak up, ''so... how's everything going with Jungkook?'' he asked, i swallowed my saliva while maintaining eye contact with him, ''it's good so far.'' i answered. he didn't say a word back, he just stared at me. i couldn't interpret what he was thinking, ''do you trust him?'' that questioned caused my heart to drop, i never thought about that. i honestly felt as if i was rushing things with Jungkook but Jungkook was adamant on us being serious, adamant us being in a true relationship and not a fake one. probably he was in too deep? the real question was, do i actually love him?

Taehyung knew when i was lying and for this situation, i couldn't lie. i had to be honest with him but i was afraid, afraid that Taehyung would tell Jungkook about our conversation. i thought about the question for a few seconds before blurting out an answer, ''no... i don't''

he didn't seem shocked, instead he slightly nodded. ''i'm not going to ask you why because i already know the answer.'' of course he knew the answer its very much obvious, he also mentioned about us being in a fake relationship and how Jungkook took it serious, i explained how i didn't feel the same way and i felt forced to pretend that the relationship was genuine and not fake. he then asked if i was interested in someone else.

i immediately thought of Namjoon, the little feelings i had for him for a while but i immediately removed him off my mind due to our "situationship". no matter how good looking i thought he was, not matter how pleasant his voice sounded to me and no matter how much he claimed he loved me, he needed to sort himself out.

i assured Taehyung that i wasn't interested in any one else and that Jungkook was the only person in my life currently, fortunately he bought my lie.

our order came and we proceeded to eat while we spoke to each other, i have spoken to him several times before and he had such an interesting personality. behind his serious demeanor was a soft, vulnerable and kindhearted man. a man that endured hell before being in a position he was in.

i always admired how humble he was, i always aspired to be humble like him but people always knew how to push my buttons.

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after lunch we made our way back to the office, we both said our goodbyes and went our separate ways. i made my way around the desk and sat down on my chair, before picking up where i left off, i sat back and closed my eyes.

i didn't want to think about any thing, i took in deep breaths. a part of me felt exhausted and the other part of me was fearful. i wanted to live peacefully but i didn't know how to, i was completely overwhelmed. it felt as if i wasn't in control of my own life, i just wanted to go back to the life i had lived without fear and worry.

as i sat back with my eyes closed i felt my chair slowly move backwards, it felt as if someone was slowing pulling my chair. i opened my eyes and looked behind me, it was Christopher. when he noticed that i woke up he laughed, i also laughed as well but i was genuinely confused, ''you looked completely asleep, i wanted to drag you into the middle of the hallway'' i laughed, i could imagine waking up in the middle of the hallway while my coworkers would've been giving me weird looks.

''not funny Chris.'' i scolded him while having a smile on my face, he chuckled. he made his way to the direction which led to the lounge area.

i pulled my chair in and proceeded to work, i was halfway through the file until i remembered that was supposed to give Namjoon the file. i dreaded going back to his office after what happened in the morning.

after roughly 7 minutes i was done with the file, i got up and made my way to Namjoon's office. i wasn't sure on what would happen when i get the but i decided to not think about the negatives but rather on the positives.

i reached his office and knocked on the door, he yelled that i should enter in which i did, i closed the door behind me and slowly made my way towards his desk. he was typing something on his phone, i noticed his diary which was placed right next to him. he looked up at me, ''Ari, i have to go to the manager's office, would you please wait for me?'' i nodded without saying a word, he got up and left his office. i waited for a few seconds before walking behind his desk, i placed the file next to the diary.

i stared at it, contemplating whether if i should read it, curiosity got the best of me. i picked up his diary and opened it on the first page, i then realized that it wasn't really a diary planner but a journal.

what secrets was he hiding in his journal?

A/N
what do you think Namjoon wrote about in his journal? please don't forget to vote if you loved this chapter!