LET ME LOVE YOU

Chapter 51 - no regrets

Aya

It's safe to say that I was dumbfounded.

The type of shock that went through me was one that I had never experienced before, and trust me, I have had some insane moments. It came so quickly and struck so deep that the blow was internalized even before my outer part got to feel it. The strike first reached my bone marrow, then ascended slowly to my brain, where the deed got recorded.

My whole body went on a pause for the next 2 minutes. I couldn't move, I couldn't talk, I couldn't process anything. I just fell straight into a daze as I secretly hoped for that moment to be a dream, a dream I would wake up from very soon, but realization hit me hard when Aleena engulfed me in a bone crushing hug, jumping up and down out of excitement.

"Oh my God! I can't believe this! You're finally going to have a baby" she hugged me once again, but this time, with less strength "alhamdulillah Ya Rab! this is honestly the best thing that has happened to me in a while,"

With the way she was speaking, One would think she was the father. Her happiness really couldn't be contained, on a normal day, it would absolutely melt my heart to see that she was so happy for me, but at that moment, it broke me even further, and I think she noticed it because her excitement slowly died down.

"What's.....wrong?" She asked, still trying to keep her smile on "aren't you excited?"

I had no idea what to say to her. My eyes were just filled with a hot liquid which rolled down my cheeks without disturbing the firmness of my lips, I didn't even think they were tears at first until I tasted the salt in them.

"Why are you crying Aya? What happened?" She insisted, getting more worried as each second passed by "please say something, tell me what's wrong"

"I don't want to have a baby" I replied, looking at her straight in the eyes and witnessing how she went from worried to horrified in just a second "not with Hafeez"

"What?!" Her reaction was almost like mine when I saw the test results, just that she didn't seem heartbroken "subhanallah! do you have any idea what you're saying Aya?"

I didn't respond to that, I just sighed and made my way to the bed, sitting down and burying my face into my palms as more tears tried to push their way out.

Seconds later, I felt her presence near me again. She sat next to me and placed her arm on my back, slowly rubbing it as an attempt to console me, but of course it wasn't working. If anything it just made me cry some more, though I must admit, I felt a little better after letting some of my emotions out.

"Please tell me what's wrong, you're really scaring me" she said "this is supposed to be the happiest moment of your life, nothing will ever be as amazing as knowing you're carrying a part of you and the one you love inside your womb, but...you're crying instead and saying you don't want that?"

"You only celebrate where there's happiness Alee, not in a place like this," I said "don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't want the child, I actually do, very much, but this baby isn't a part of me and the one I love, this is a part of me and someone who just...used me to pass time and sees me as nothing but a liability that was forced upon him by his parents"

"What are you talking about?" She asked, looking as confused as ever "as far as I know, Hafeez is the opposite of these things you listed, that man loves you with his whole heart, he would do anything for you without thinking twice-"