LET ME LOVE YOU

Chapter 53 - Thin thread of hope

Where are the night owls? 👀

ATTENTION!! only those that have learned the new national anthem are allowed to read this chapter 🥱🏃🏼‍♀️ taink you.

Hafeez

After what felt like a torturous eternity, The next day finally made it's presence known.

The sky was bright, The sun was up, and the bedroom itself, already too warm. Light filtered in through the gray curtains in my bedroom, hanging suspended in the air and deciding to stop nowhere but directly at my heavy eyes, almost screaming at me to get off the bed, but I couldn't even budge, because my mind and body were basically separated, I seemed to be divorced from my own body as it required absolutely no attention from me; It was not hungry, and it was neither warm nor cold. It just resigned to being left alone, completely undisturbed.

Outside the large picture windows, the day was bright and bold; perfect golden sunshine, clear blue sky, pleasant windy weather, and the scent of fresh leaves coming from the multiple plants and trees that were scattered outside my home. It was such a beautiful scene, almost too beautiful, if I may, but instead of taking it all in and feeling all of that wonderful ecstasy, I just wanted to punch that beautiful 'happy day' in it's face, grab it by it's hair, and beat it up until it told me what the hell it was so happy about. what was even happiness, after all? Every single time I ever asked that question, the answer was always love, But I can beat my chest and say that love doesn't bring and has never brought happiness, at least not to me. On the contrary, it was a constant state of anxiety, a fucking tedious battlefield; it was made up of heavy hearts and long sleepless nights of asking myself all the time if I ever did something so bad that made me deserve that kind of pain. It was nothing like the roses and flowers they showed in movies, instead, it was everything like shackles and thorns.

The atmosphere felt more hostile than it had ever been, and the house felt like a prison of some sort, instead of being a sanctuary that would bring me peace. With each passing second, another piece of the last few months resurfaced, painfully reminding me of what was missing. My Life was the perfect definition of an endless procession of losses, from start to finish, with no end in sight, and I can't say I have anyone else to blame for it except myself. My heart was filled to the core with regret and guilt; regret for my broken marriage that I knew would hardly ever get back to normal, and guilt for being the sole reason behind the pain and tears of the one woman I had ever loved in my life. That guilt was the reason why I couldn't look at myself in a mirror, because I absolutely hated the person who stared back at me; in addition to the way the dark circles under my eyes, in contrast to my pale skin, made me resemble a fresh corpse, that reflection reminded me of the previous day; her tears stained face, the confused expression across her face, the way she ran out of room not knowing how to feel, and most importantly, the glint of raw, uncontaminated pain in her eyes.

Those images tortured and ambushed me. They knocked down a wall between me and the present moment in horrible flashes, like a series of snapshots. They came in a split second, cutting through the center of all other thoughts and wouldn't let me pay attention to whatever was being said or done around me. Not even at that very moment, when I wasn't alone.

"What happened to your phone today?" Came Maleek's coarse, raspy voice as he took a sip of the hot ginger tea Nengi had served both of us. He was particularly more excited about that since he had a mild cold, while I hadn't even looked at my own cup since it was brought in  "ka san sau nawa na kira ka kuwa?; do you have any idea how many times I called you?"