LET ME LOVE YOU

Chapter 54 - Road to forever

Okay so........first of all, happy new year 😬

Secondly, just drag me please 😭😭 because if I tell you my reason for disappearing this time around, you will see very clearly that I'm under a spell of some sort 😩

But before that, here's a new chapter! It's unedited because I was in a hurry to post so don't mind the typos please!

Aya

'Hey.

I know I'm the last person you want to even think about right now, and I respect your wish, but I just really really need to let this out, I promise it'll only take a few minutes.

I have so much to say, yet so little of a voice to say it. I don't have the strength to look at you and tell you any of it in person, because I'm scared of what you may say or think, and of it would push you further away from me or not. Just the thought of my life going forward without you makes my eyes water, everything Inside me crushes, I feel my heart crumble and my stomach collapse, because You are the one Person who gives meaning to everything around me, so to think I might lose that part of me is heartbreaking. I dont know how I'll ever be able to handle it.

I'm sorry, Aya. I'm really really sorry, from the bottom of whatever is left of my heart. I know I've hurt you, I know I've lied to you, and I know that I've betrayed you in one of the worst ways possible. Saying sorry will never be enough to ease your pain, nor will it delete it from existence, I've left you with a scar even after how much you trusted me to keep you safe, but please, I'm on my knees begging for one more chance to make things right. Just one. Please.

I'm not worth it. I know better than anyone that I'm not. The fact that a woman as beautiful and as amazing as you even crossed paths with someone like me is truly a miracle from Allah, because I know I didn't do anything to deserve it. It was just out of His mercy that He answered my Du'a When I raised my hands towards the heavens In the deepest depth of the night and asked for the honor of being a husband to a woman like you. I prayed for it, I begged for that opportunity every day and night, but unfortunately, it's about to slip through my fingers because my own foolishness.

I know it'll take a lot of time for you to trust me again, and I understand, I promise you that I'm not going to push or disturb you as you take your time to heal, all I hope for is that you see how sincere I am and give me one more chance to be that husband you deserve, even if it means I'd spend the rest of my life trying. Just one more chance. Let me love you the way you deserve to be loved.

Take your time. It's your decision to make. I just hope it comes out in favor of our future together. Just like I promised, I'll keep a distance. I'll stay away and make it easier for you, even though it feels worse than being shot.

I love you. so much. Never forget that'

The moment I read the last sentence, a tear gracefully traveled down my face until it got to my jawline, from which it dropped directly on my cracked phone screen. A second tear soon followed its trail, then came a third, and a fourth, and hundreds more that I could not control. I have read that same message close to a hundred times ever since it dropped into my phone, yet my reaction remained the same each time I got to the end of it. Instead of filling my heart with euphoria or at-least some sort of relief, it triggered more tears out of my system, but I couldn't figure out wether those tears represented pain or it's opposite as my feelings were scattered all over the place like a toddler's toys. A total mess.