LET ME LOVE YOU

Chapter 35 - better late than never

Aya

Do you know what the best feeling is in the world?

Taking a warm bubble bath after almost getting killed by the air conditioner.

Honestly, If someone told me that I hold the Guinness world record for the world's longest shower time, I will believe that person without even blinking. It's actually starting bother me, or rather, trying to start bothering me, but when I remember how good it feels I just be like 'it is what it is'.

Alhamdulillah! I felt so much better than I did the previous day, my heart wasn't heavy anymore, the tears and the need to cry have gone extinct and I just didn't have any sad thoughts in my head anymore. I even thought I'd wake up with a headache or a red face, but none of that happened. I was okay. Like actually OKAY.

90% of the reason why I cried and asked those questions is because, In this world, all I ever wanted was to love and be loved. I am a stubborn girl and I always knew that I could do something once I put my mind to it. Everything in life that I got, especially career-wise, was earned by my efforts and my dedication. Nothing was ever served to me on a silver platter. That's one of the main reasons why I fought so hard for him, because life showed me that I can't get anything I want that easily and that I have to walk a mile longer than anyone else would for it, so I figured I'd have to do the same in love too.

Back then, Majeed was everything I ever looked for or could possibly ask for in a man, and once he came into my life, I knew I couldn't let him go. I knew that it wasn't gonna be easy, but I believed that it would be worth it in the end, but unfortunately it actually ended up costing me way too much.

I was always a fighter. I never settled until I got what I thought I deserved, And I knew that here and there I'd have to receive a few punches along my life's road, but what he gave me wasn't just a punch, it was a knockout I could barely recover from. He treated me miserably and I allowed it. He completely tore my confidence down and flattened it with the face of the earth.

Now that I look back, I can't believe I ever let that happen to me. It's actually very funny Wallahi. My past self would've walked away the very moment she detected something as small as a fake smile from him because I was one of those who knew their worths. But somewhere down the road, I obviously forgot that, because of love, and What actually strikes me the most is how nothing I ever did was good enough for him. He kept comparing me to others and kept asking me why I couldn't be like them. My efforts were useless and my battles were meaningless to him.

But it's all good. better late than never. It doesn't matter how long it took, it doesn't matter how many mistakes I made, it doesn't matter how much pain I had to go through, What matters is that I finally see everything for what it really is; I was done letting myself be a doormat that anyone could walk over just so a stupid man with low self esteem can be able to keep his big head on the surface.

I was done feeling like I was the unlovable one, like I'm hard to love or that I only had one shot in life for love, and no matter how bad my love treats me, I'm supposed to just shut up and put up with it. Of course I'm a fighter, I'll give myself that, but I learned that sometimes one needs to stop fighting and walk away if what you're fighting for isn't worth it.

I realized that Telling myself I deserved more wasn't selfish, instead It was what I needed in order to keep myself on the surface. My conscience became clear, so did my vision and focus. I chose to never allow what he did to me to define me, But it will definitely serve as a hard-learned lesson, one that was very much needed in order to get on a clearer and more straight path. Each tragedy is an announcement that some good will indeed come in time, and Alhamdulillah ya rabbi! It has! A huge part of my life was yanked out like a ripe mango off my tree, which made me upset because I thought it was sweet, but turns out that, that mango was as bland and as tasteless as a baby's saliva, and I only realized it after another mango grew, the sweetest mango ever known to mankind.