Deceit in their silence - Completed

Seven.

"So you'd throw a brick in my face huh?" He looked down at me and I bowed my head laughing slightly. 

"Yeah I would actually." He nodded his head but the smile on his face wasn't breaking anytime soon. 

"Why?" 

"Why not?" 

"That's not an answer." 

"Maybe there isn't an answer to give." 

"Oh please, you dodging it means there totally is an answer you just don't want to give me." 

"Are you trying to spin this back to last year again when I told you to drop it?" My smile was gone now. I didn't want to talk about it. Why couldn't he get this into his thick head. 

"If that's the reason why then yeah." 

"I told you to leave it alone Jaxson. It's not worth dragging it from the grave." My grip on him loosened but his stayed tight. He didn't want me to run like I had done before. He knew my tricks. 

"Talk to me." His voice came out bubble gum sweet. A voice that only existed for me and no one else knew about it's existence. I closed my eyes as it played in my head. Tension grew in the back of my neck as I tried to calm myself down. 

"I need to pee." I tried to let go of his hand but he wouldn't release me from his grip. "Let me go Jaxson." He held on for a few moments staring at me whilst I continued to look over his shoulder. I kept my breathing steady even though I felt like he had his hand around my windpipe. Eventually he let go and I pushed my way through the crowd back to the now empty table and grabbed my purse. 

I bounced around the tables and quickly walked around the outskirts of the hall, heading outside, pulling my phone from the bag as I left the ball room amongst the crowd.

"Hey can you come get me please?" 

"Um sure. Everything okay." 

"Yeah fine. How long?" 

"About 5 minutes." I hung up the phone and walked down the steps. I just wanted to get out of here.  Any more time with his hands on me and I'd crumble to dust. I hate that he did this to me every single time. I quickly wiped the tear as it fell, making sure no one around me saw a thing.  When dad or Roman asks me where I went, I wasn't feeling well. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe the food. But I'd never tell them it was him. 

I watched as Sonny's car pulled up out front and walked over as he pushed the door open for me. 

"Lennox?" I turned my head and stared at Jaxson as I climbed into the car and slammed the door shut. 

"Drive." 

"What's wrong?"

"Don't ask questions Sonny, just fucking drive me home. If anyone asks I wasn't feeling well and you never saw Jaxson. Got it?" He nodded and took off. 

I was out of the car and quickly walking inside before the car had even stopped. I don't remember the drive home. I had been too busy holding back the incoming storm. I walked up the stairs, my heels clicking on the marble. The only sound in the house. 

I pulled on my bedroom door, stepping inside and locking it behind me. I didn't want to be disturbed right now. I quickly text Roman to let him know Sonny had come to pick me up because I wasn't feeling well and that I was now home. I had played the part for long enough. I'd been seen laughing and dancing with him. I had done what I was asked. If I had stayed longer I'd have done what I was asked not to. I'd have broken character, unmasked a monster. 

I threw my phone and bag onto my makeup desk and slowly walked into my en-suite and set the hot water running for a shower. I needed it's intensity to remind me I wasn't in a nightmare.  I stood there fully dressed, watching the water run. 

The steam was starting to fill the room now and I sighed as it filled my lungs. I pulled my dress of, leaving it on the floor. I stepped under the water and winced as it beat down on my skin, instantly turning it down slightly. I didn't need burns. 

 I could let the tears flow freely in here. I didn't need to hide them because no one could see or hear me. I laid my back against the cold tiles and slowly started falling down it, sitting on the floor with the water running over my skin.  I couldn't breath. He still had his hands wrapped around my throat from before.

Every time I was around him I felt myself crumbling under the pressure. That's why hating him was so much easier. It made sense why I couldn't be near him if I hated him. And it worked. Around everyone else I could hold onto that. But with him I couldn't I knew the longer I was around him the more he would see right through the act. Maybe he did already. 

I took in a deep staggered breath and struggled to hold back a sob. God this was getting pathetic now. You're supposed to be untouchable Lennox. Not supposed to feel things this deeply. Not supposed to get attached until there's a ring on both of your fingers.

I laid my head back as the strong cries became soft tears, streaming and falling down the drain. I don't know how long I was sat under there but it felt like a few hours. I stood up and cleaned myself, hoping the soap would steal the feeling of his fingers lingering on me. It didn't. 

I stepped out into the cold and wrapped myself in a towel, walking into my bedroom and sat down at my makeup desk to sort my face out. I looked like a panda with mascara running wildly all over my face. I sighed and wiped it off, making sure none was left on my eyes either. 

I looked at my phone on the side, only a text in the girls group chat asking me how tonight went. I smiled slightly, glad they were still checking in on me, knowing I was dreading tonight. 

I replied saying fine but that I didn't feel well so ended up coming home early, before I turned my phone off for the night. I rarely did that just in case I needed it but right now I just wanted peace and that was the easiest way to get it. 

Once I had finished moisturising I let my hair out of the towel and ran a brush through it so it wouldn't be as bad to sort tomorrow. I stood up eventually and walked over to my bed, climbing under the fresh bedding and pulling it up to cover my head. Maybe under here the memories couldn't reach me.