Deceit in their silence - Completed

Twenty Eight

I ran my hair through my freshly washed hair, letting the front pieces relax naturally on my hair.  I was glad I'd worn a long sleeve top and jeans it was breezy out here today, but the sun was warm. I walked down the path beside the pool that was lined on one side with tall hedges and the other with flowers. It was a decent walk down here especially when you took it slow, nervous about what was waiting for you. 

I hoped he would understand why I ran last night. That it would make sense to him now even if it didn't in the moment. I stopped at the steps, looking down onto the small patio that was now littered with candles, with classical music playing in the background. None of this was here last night when I was down here. I pulled down on my sleeves, covering my hands completely as I dropped them to my side and continued down the stairs. 

"Jax?" I looked to both sides, noting the table set up in the corner but he was nowhere to be seen.

"Hey." I turned around quickly to see him behind me now. I furrowed my brows at him. He smiled at me and took a few steps forward. "I promised you a first date and I'm following through with it even if we're here." 

"Wait, Now?" 

"Well yeah." 

"I am not dressed for a date. I'm dressed for a hangover." I put my hands over my face and shook it slowly. 

"You look cute. Stop it." His hands pulled mine from my face. "I want you hungover, or stone cold sober, or in a ballgown, or in shorts. I do not give a damn what you're wearing Lennox. I just want you." I rested my head on his chest as my cheeks flushed red and he laughed. "Come on you need to eat." He grabbed my hand and pulled on it lightly towards the table. He pulled the chair out for me and I put my gun and phone down on the table. He laughed and did the same. "I'll be back with food in 2 seconds don't go anywhere." He tucked my in and turned around, disappearing back to the house. I quickly grabbed my phone and opened the group chat, sending them a photo of the table.

ITS A FUCKING DATE

WHAT?

I AM NOT DRESSED FOR A DATE WHAT THE FUCK 

I was not expecting this. I'm panicking. 

Breath Lennox. It's all good. Don't stress about it. It's only Jaxson.

I turned and saw his head coming back over the hedges. I locked my phone and put it back taking slow and steady breaths. Sofia is right. It's just Jaxson. Its just lunch with Jaxson. Its just lunch. With Jaxson. 

"Here we go." He put a plate of pasta down in front of me and I looked up at him as he took his own seat. Breathe Lennox. 

"Did you make this?" He nodded

"Fresh this morning." I smiled and tilted my head at him "You used to love my pasta." I scrunched up my face slightly at the thought of making pasta with him late last year whilst he poured some wine out for us both. The kitchen was such a mess after that date. I watched as he took the first bite and I followed. 

The conversation flew freely about the past as we recalled our favourite memories together. Cooking in the kitchen, dancing at midnight around the back yard, playing in the pool, day drinking on his boat. I wasn't panicking now. It was just Jaxson. I don't know why I even did in the first place.  We finished the pasta and the conversation went quiet as I took a sip of the white wine he had poured before. 

"Ready to talk about last night or do you need some more time?" I nearly choked and put the wine glass down, wiping my mouth. He laughed and apologised. 

"I mean sure. I don't think there's much to talk about though." 

"Why did you leave Len?" 

"I could see where it was leading." 

"I told you it didn't have to if you didn't want it to." 

"That's the problem." 

"What is?" 

"That I did. And I knew I would have regretted it if I did." 

"Why?" 

"Because we're supposed to be taking this slow. I don't think having sex before the first date can be classed as taking it slow." I sat back and crossed my arms. 

"Okay fair enough." He took a sip of the wine. 

"Why didn't you kiss me?" I asked, making him choke on the wine this time.

"What?" 

"You heard. You held my chin and I was right there. Why did you talk instead of just kissing me?" 

"I don't know it just kind of came out. I needed you to know how hard I was trying I guess." I nodded accepting that as an answer. I liked that when we had these conversations we both knew we were being honest and neither of us wanted to lie to the other. 

"Why were you breathing so heavy?" He turned his chair slightly so he could see me better. 

"I was trying to calm my nerves." We were staring into each others eyes now and you could cut the tension with a knife. 

"I was making you nervous?"

"You always make me nervous." 

"Why?" 

"Because I am terrified of what you're doing to me." He grabbed the handle of my chair and pulled it so I was facing him head on. 

"And what's that?" 

"Jaxson-" 

"Lennox." He mimicked me "Tell me what I'm doing to you." I shook my head. I could keep my secrets to myself thank you. He pulled the chair closer and I gasped. He smirked and lifted my head to look back in his eyes. "Tell me." 

"I don't want to." 

"Why not." 

"I'm not ready to say it again yet."  I swallowed hard, not taking my eyes off his. He stared at me and we sat in silence. Our knees were touching and he kept one of his hands on the arm of the chair, his other on my chin. I could feel my breathing slowly picking up and I closed my eyes slowly, hoping that breaking his stare would let me calm down. I knew he could sense it like he did last night. He didn't move. Not even an inch. 

He was burying down deep under my skin and he knew it. He knew I wouldn't be able to hold myself back much longer if he carried on like this. I'm pretty sure that's why he was doing it. To push me to my limits. I wouldn't let him win this. Not again.