Deceit in their silence - Completed

Twenty Nine.

I swallowed as we continued to sit there with his thumb on my chin how it had been. 

"Jaxson we - I - can't. I need to go." I tired to push the chair back but he moved his hand down to the other arm  holding me still. 

"Don't do it again Lennox. Tell me why you keep running." 

"Stop it Jaxson. Let me go." I tried to push his arms back but I just didn't have the strength to right now. It was taking everything in me to hold myself together. I brought my feet  up to the chair and just jumped over his arms, grabbing my phone and gun before starting to walk away. 

"Len please." I turned around to face him and he was closer than I thought he was. I pushed the gun into the back of my jeans. 

"It's not you Jaxson. I'm just really struggling with this right now."

"Why?" I sighed and ran my hand through my hair. I was just glad I was standing and he didn't have his hands on me. I could think straight again but my breathing was still all over the place. 

"Because." 

"That's not an answer." I covered my face and hung it low. Just leave it please Jaxson, leave it. "I'll keep asking. You know you'll tell me eventually. You always do." 

"Jax-"

"Tell me." I took a step back and he did too, keeping his body as close to mine as possible.

"Jaxson."

"Tell me." My breathing was getting worse and I knew I was starting to back up to a wall. He knew too. I could see it in his eyes. 

"JAXSON." 

"Just tell me." My back hit the wall and his arms went next to my hand, proving to me I had absolutely no escape now. I didn't feel like a single drop of oxygen was getting into my lungs with how quickly I was breathing. 

"FINE." I shouted and laid my head back. "I'm using everything in me to try and hold myself back from you to keep this slow so I don't rush into it again but it's really fucking hard when you keep getting so fucking close and stare at me like that. I can't breath around you. My stomach doesn't even flip anymore, its just left my body entirely. You're making me fall in love with you again and its fucking breaking me apart that I have to hold back." I sobbed as I felt the tears sliding down my face. I hated that he did this to me.  "Please let me go Jaxson. I can't breathe"

He lifted one of his arms and I instantly moved past him, walking back to the house quickly.  I reached the stairs to upstairs before he grabbed my hand. 

"Let me go Jaxson." My eyes were squeezed shut trying to stop the tears. 

"Lennox?" I opened my eyes and turned to the hallway where Sonny was stood staring at us "Are you okay?" Jaxson let go of my hand. 

"I'm fine Sonny." I gave a half hearted smile and ran up the stairs, knowing Jaxson couldn't follow me now. I didn't head to my room, I slipped into Daisy's instead. He wouldn't know where I was then. I just needed to calm down. I sat down on the floor and rested my head in my knees. 

I still couldn't breath. I felt like he was sat on my chest, squeezing everything out of me. I couldn't even have my secrets now whilst I worked through them. I would have told him eventually but the tension between us right now was what was suffocating me but I wasn't ready to give in to him yet. 

I didn't want the relationship to be based around sex this time like it had been before. That's how this whole thing started. Lust getting out of control at a party. Alcohol mixing with an instinctive need and desperation for each other. I wanted to know he wanted me for me. Especially if this was going to be long term and last through everything that we both knew was going to come eventually. I needed a partnership with him.  But I don't know how much longer I can keep myself back when it was starting to physically hurt. 

Once I'd opened that flood gate it would be hard to get back what we have now. I knew that. And I liked this innocence between us. I missed the start of relationships when everything was bubblegum pink and straight from a movie.  One more kiss would send me over the edge and I'd be falling to my inevitable doom. I could feel the breeze from the fall already. The wind rush. I was crushing under its pressure. 

"Daisy have you seen Lennox?" His voice was hushed in the hallway. I didn't hear her answer but I slowly moved back from the door since I was guessing this is where she was heading. The door pushed open and she looked at me then down the hallway. I shook my head and she quickly stepped inside and locked the door. 

"Daisy let me in I just want to talk to her." 

"Go away Jaxson, she obviously doesn't want to and you being here isn't going to help whatever is happening." She sat down beside me and pulled my head into her lap. He banged on the door again. "I'm fucking serious Jaxson. Fuck off." Even I stopped then. I had never heard Daisy swear. She never even raised her voice. She was always the calm one out of us all. Not right now. Right now even I was scared of her.  He must have been too because he stopped. 

"What happened?" She whispered as I finally stopped crying.

"I told him he was making me fall in love with him again." 

"Isn't that supposed to be good?" 

"Not this soon. Not when he does this to me. I can't fucking breathe around him Daisy. He takes the meaning of taking my breath away to a whole other level." She nodded. 

"You scared of falling in love for him to do it again aren't you?" 

"I can't fall for him again and loose him again Daisy. I can't do it." I shook my head as I stared at her ceiling. She wiped my tears.

"Who says you can't?"  I looked at her confused "I mean. You literally handle anything life throws at you like the badass you are. You got through it the first time. Yeah it was hard fair enough but you did it. If he does it again just shoot him." She shrugged her shoulders. "I mean he's had it done once now I bet he doesn't want it again." He laughed outside the door and Daisy's face dropped. "One sec babe." She lifted my head and stood up without any effort, pulling the door open and Jaxson almost fell through. 

"I could be sat here telling her to sack you off but I'm trying to fix whatever you've fucking done so I'm not asking now. SONNY." She shouted and waited for him to appear. She stood between the door so he couldn't see me. 

"Can you take him anywhere but here. He doesn't understand from me and I really don't feel like beating the shit out of him right now." I could see Sonny from here and he was just as taken aback as I was.  I laughed behind the door at the exchange. Angry Daisy was hilarious. She turned to face me and gave me a look I didn't want to see again "You're not making this any better." 

I pressed my lips together to hold back from laughing and stood up, walking back further into her room and sitting on the bed. I could see him from here Daisy was whispering about something I couldn't make it out. He looked at me, giving me a weak smile. I played with my fingers and looked down. I didn't like that he knew how deep the trust issues ran because of him, even if it was a mistake. It doesn't take away the year of hurt. 

Daisy closed the door and walked back towards me with her arms crossed. 

"You need a girls night." I looked at her and nodded. I definitely did. 

"Oh lets dress up really really fancy and make the boys think they're missing something. My dad sent me all my event dresses for some reason. We could play dress up for the night." Daisy threw her head back laughing and agreed.