Like a moth drawn to a flame

jealousy

*Sebastian

I could see her looking at him and I could see him looking at her. It was like a slap in the face. I had barely been able to process the breakup with Luisa. She had been everything to me. Really everything. But I had screwed it up for myself and had finally had to accept that she left. Because as much as I had wanted it, I had not been able to hold on to her. Not when she was so unhappy. She was too important to me for that.

Seeing her now with Charles was almost worse, because he seemed to give her what I hadn't been able to give her. He seemed to make her really happy. Because those looks they exchanged, that closeness between them, it felt like a red-hot knife being pressed deeper and deeper into my chest.

I knew Charles, I knew what he was like. And he would be perfect for Luisa.

But I could hardly bear the thought of losing her to him. No matter how good he was for her. She belonged with me.

But I also knew that I had to do my job here. I couldn't just follow my feelings. That was not what I had been hired for. I was supposed to and wanted to help lead Ferrari to the title. What I had failed to do as a driver, I now wanted to do as part of the team. I wanted to prove to everyone that Ferrari was capable of doing it. That I was capable of doing it.

Charles was excellent for that. He was talented, focused and incredibly grounded. He was polite to everyone on the team and not a bit aloof, which earned him a lot of sympathy.

Everyone liked Charles. It had been that way even when I had been his teammate. I liked Charles, too. I wanted to see him on the podium and ultimately win the world title, but it was a prickly feeling to see him like that with Luisa.

They were so close and obviously sought each other's closeness. I wonder if it was always like that.

Was there maybe even more and Luisa just hadn't said it, had hidden it between biting comments?

I hated that she hadn't told me what was going on.

Why hadn't she just told me?

And why did it actually make me so endlessly angry?

I took a deep breath before heading back to my office. At least there I had my peace. I really needed to come down a bit, otherwise I'd go crazy and maybe say something I was preparing to say later.

I had wanted to come back here because I wanted to help Ferrari win the title, but I had also wanted to be close to her again. I had wanted a second chance. Maybe I didn't deserve it, but I hoped to get it.

She meant so much to me.

In my office, I settled behind my desk in frustration and opened my phone. I scrolled through my photos until I landed on the ones with her. I hadn't had to search for long, because I had hardly taken any photos since she left. Of her I had many photos. Of the most mundane things. Even before we had started being more than friends.

We had only been able to keep it a secret for so long because we had been so close before. We were like family. No one had ever noticed.

I had loved to take pictures of her. When she was cooking, when she was sleeping, when she was just looking at me.

I missed her being with me.

I missed making her so happy that she smiled like she did in the photos, and I missed her making me happy.

I let my head sink forward. How was I supposed to do my job if I was always thinking about wanting her back?

Fuck.
Maybe it had been the wrong decision. Especially when I saw Luisa and Charles like that. If I hadn't shown up, they would have become a couple for sure. Maybe they still would, but I knew I was back in her head now. I knew I was going to make it difficult for them.

I didn't want it to just be that easy. I didn't want to just give up on her. I couldn't.

But Charles made her happy. And wasn't that what I wanted?

I wanted her to be happy.

But why did it have to be Charles who made her happy?

Why did he manage to do what I hadn't?

I put my phone aside and took a deep breath. I ran my hand over my face. I would focus on what I did best. Formula 1 racing.

I would adjust the strategies, worry about the settings of the cars. I opened a document on my computer, pulled up my notebook .

I had taken some notes in the meeting before, which I now entered into my document.

I had to hand it to Luisa, she had been well prepared. More than that. She had written a set-up for each race. Plus a rain set-up for each race. She had taken the trouble to pull old data and compare it with the data from the first tests. She must have worked on it for a long time. It was her first season as a race engineer. Still, she knew exactly what she was doing. She had always known. She was made for this job. In the past, she'd kind of coached Mick and given him tips. Especially after her father's accident. She had been there for Mick and supported him where she could. She was really good at it and I saw the potential in the combination of her and Charles. The two of them could really go far.

And if I got involved the way it was planned, we would be pretty much unbeatable. Provided the engines held up and the pit stops worked this season. But knowing Fred, he had already schooled the crews in this and would do it again and again until he was satisfied with what they delivered. He was a tough but fair boss who knew how to run a team and how to guide drivers to success.

It would be a tough season, but not only for us, but especially for our competitors. They would have to compete with us first. This year we wouldn't be so easy to beat, I would make sure of that. The whole team would make sure of that. We would live up to the name "Ferrari".

I spent a long time getting to grips with the setups. So long, in fact, that it had become dark outside in the meantime and there was probably no one left in these containers except me. I also decided to continue working tomorrow, packed up my things and then left my office.

There was really no one left in the building. However, my way to the exit led me past the box once again. The light was still on.

I went in as quietly as possible and could see Charles, in front of him stood Luisa. He held her face and spoke softly to her.

"Come on, you promised you'd leave early today. You look like hell."

"It's all good Charles. I promise."

"You're going now anyway. I swear, otherwise I'll put you to bed myself! We're already last again anyway."

"That's sweet, but I can handle it myself. And Seb once said that if you want to succeed, you have to work hard for it."

"You know I adore the great master, but honestly? Fuck him right now. You're done and I need you now more than ever. Please just come back to the hotel with me."

"It's okay."

"And you don't work in your room anymore either! I forbid you to! Anything new tomorrow, I'm not using."

"All right. I'll take a hot bath and then go to sleep."
"That's what I wanted to hear. Ma cherie, I love you, but you really just scare me sometimes with your perfectionism."

"You say, mio caro? The quintessential perfectionist?"

"I'm not nearly as bad as you. Now come on, let's get out of here."

I watched him press a kiss to her forehead, then the two of them started moving and I left the box as fast as I could.

Outside they would meet me, but at least there I could pretend I hadn't just overheard them.

"Seb!", Charles was already closing in on me a few meters past the box "Are you just closing up now too?", he walked next to me as Luisa also closed in on us and he immediately put his arm over her shoulder.

"Yeah, had a bit of work to do," I nodded, keeping my gaze stubbornly straight ahead.

"I just had to force Luisa to leave too. You guys are really too similar there.", Charles laughed completely unconcerned.

If only he knew.