Like a moth drawn to a flame

one last time

*Luisa*

I packed up some more things in the box. The others had already gone.

I had often been the last one in the last weeks. As long as I was working, I didn't have to think. At least not about what I was still quite successfully burying deep inside. All I had to think about was work, and I was good at that.

Matteo involved me a lot and it was good to be able to do my part at least here. Charles stormed towards the title with great strides. I had heard from Matteo that he and Toni didn't always see eye to eye, but it worked well.

He had proved how good he was in the last few races. If he continued like this, it was only a matter of time before he won the title this season.

I was happy for him.

Even though I was no longer part of his team.

Even if he no longer spoke to me or even looked at me.

I wished him the title with all my heart. Or rather, from the shards that were still there.

When I wasn't working, I went running like a madwoman, and I didn't have to think. Just put one foot in front of the other. It was easy.

Or I went partying with Max. The Dutchman had picked me up at a party shortly after Charles had kicked me off his team. I barely remembered the party, I had been too drunk. Fortunately for me, Max had been kind to me. He had made sure I got back to the hotel safely. Since then he took me to every party he went to.

Tonight I would go out with him too, instead of the Ferrari crew.

Not that I didn't like my team, but I knew Charles was going with them and I didn't want to ruin his night. I completely withdrew from him and if Matteo and Carlos hadn't dropped a few words about him every now and then, I wouldn't have even been prepared for him bringing his new girlfriend this weekend.

I was sure it would have hurt if I had let myself feel that way.

And I had also withdrawn from Seb and as it seemed it did him good as well, because I had seen him several times now with a very attractive blonde.

As it seemed, life went on for everyone. Maybe even a little better without me.

Only I had to find a way to deal with all this.

And I was already looking for a new job. Far away from Formula 1.

I would start over and maybe then find my peace.

But just the thought hurt me. I had never wanted to do anything other than work in Formula 1. It was such a family thing. I had always loved Formula 1 so much.

And Ferrari?

It had been my absolute dream to start here.

When I had held the acceptance in my hands, I had burst into tears. I loved this racing team and I loved my job. I didn't want it to end here. My journey here couldn't be over yet.

A silent tear ran down my cheek. I had to pull myself together. If I let it happen now, there would be a lot of other feelings coming up that I wasn't ready for.

My heart started racing, my stomach tightened, and before I really knew what was happening, I was screaming.

I screamed at the top of my lungs all the anger and pain I had been feeling for the past few weeks.

I screamed until my throat hurt and I collapsed. I had to take a few deep breaths until I had enough air in my lungs again. Then the tears came.

The tears that I had not cried overtook me and now all burst out of me at the same time.