Like a moth drawn to a flame

guilt

*Charles*

I looked at my phone as it started to vibrate and immediately pushed the call away.

I didn't want to talk to her. Just as I was about to let my phone slide back into my back pocket, it rang again.

Why was she calling anyway?

I pushed it away again.

Had I not been clear enough the last few weeks?

Had I not shown her clearly enough that it was over? That I wanted nothing more to do with her?

I had to admit that it hurt. It hurt like shit, but it had been the right step, because in the end my thoughts had only been about her and whether she might go back to Seb or better said when it would happen.

She still loved him. I could see it in her eyes every time she talked about him. What was the point of her telling me that she loved me?

She would always love him more and I had wanted to spare myself the pain.

I had cut all ties and had her transferred to Carlo's team. Fred had not been thrilled, but had complied with my request. He hadn't asked too many questions, which had relieved me a little. If I had had to tell him why I didn't want her on my team anymore, I probably would have felt kind of stupid.

This way, though, I didn't have to work so closely with her anymore.

Still, I saw her. And she had been surprisingly cool about the whole thing. I hadn't even seen her sad.

It had surprised me a little, but it was probably because her heart had never quite belonged to me anyway. So what had I been supposed to break?

With Toni as my race engineer, the whole thing didn't go nearly as hand-in-hand as it had with her, but I had chosen it that way. I was still using the set-ups she had written before the season started, and I was using them as a guide when I talked to Toni about set-ups for my car. He didn't understand me the way she had.

But the results were still good.

Mirabelle I had brought with me today because... I didn't want to be alone. And I had wanted a little bit for her to feel what I had always felt when I had seen her with Seb.

I wanted a little bit for her to suffer too, because me just leaving like that didn't seem to have taken her at all, while I had only suffered in the days after. I had come close a few times to just going to her and asking her for a second chance.

I missed her.

Every day.

Still, I lost patience when she called a third time as well. I pushed her away, panting, and then blocked her number.

Carlos looked at me questioningly "Not that important.", I mumbled and let the cell phone slide into my pocket before we got into the cab that would take us back to the hotel.

Mirabelle was already waiting for me there, Isa was waiting for Carlos. We would go celebrate with the two of them and some of the team.

The chances of me taking the championship were really good at the moment and I was enjoying being the best at the moment so much. I was enjoying winning.

"Hm.", Carlos answered and gave the driver the address of our hotel.

He drove off and threaded his way into the heavy traffic. I leaned back in my seat and closed my eyes while taking a few deep breaths.

We drove in silence for quite a while.

I had always dreamed of one day winning the world title in Formula 1 and for the last two years Luisa Schumacher had always been part of that dream. She had stood on the podium with me at the end. I had shared this joy with her.
Only with her.