Like a moth drawn to a flame

no more fights

*Charles*

I reached the box and was about to run in, but Max stopped me.

"She's not there anymore. They took her to the hospital. Seb is with her. It didn't look good. And believe me, you don't want to see that in there.", the usually so raffish Dutchman wiped tears from the corners of his eyes.

I was too late.

I leaned on my knees to catch my breath, but no sooner had I filled my lungs with air than a desperate cry escaped me. I slumped down and cried.

I was too late. And just because I hadn't answered her call....

If I had answered my cell phone, we would have been there right away. We could have helped her right away. But I hadn't answered her call. I had let her down. In that one moment when she had needed me, I had not been there.

I could barely stand the pain. It felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest. I felt like my air was being cut off, like my chest was getting tighter and tighter. I hadn't been fast enough. I hadn't been able to save her.

Maybe it had been meant to open my eyes. Seb was saving her and I was too slow. Maybe it was a sign.

"Please, don't die.", I sobbed, pulling my knees to my chest "I've already lost so many people I cared about. Please don't you go too. I can't take it.", I shook as I wrapped my arms around my legs and started crying harder and harder.

When she was gone, I didn't know what to do. I didn't know if I even wanted the title then. Whether I still wanted to drive Formula 1. Because in the last few years she had become my biggest incentive.

Hearing her voice over the radio. To hug her after a successful race. Cheering with her...

But also her reassuring words when things didn't go well.

She had always been there. I didn't know if I still wanted to live this dream when she was gone. I didn't know if it even made sense anymore.

Because if I won the title and didn't hear her voice over the radio, if she wasn't on the podium with me....

Then what did I get out of it?

Carlos pulled me to my feet "Come on let's go to the hospital." he said firmly, I just kept shaking my head.

I didn't want to go there. Then I might have to face a reality I didn't want to face. I didn't want it to be over.

All the dreams I had had with her despite everything. I had wanted to win the world championship with her. I had wanted to show her every bit of Monaco. I had wanted to show her where everything had started for me. I wanted to introduce her to my family, show her my father's grave and Jules' grave. I wanted to share everything with her.

And if I hadn't been so terribly suspicious, I would have simply believed her words that night....

If I had just turned around and loved her....

I could have changed everything. Everything.

She would never have been alone today. But I had left her alone. In so many ways.

"You're going to the hospital with me now. Even if I have to drag you there." the Spaniard growled "You owe her that. I don't know what happened between you, I don't even want to know. But you're coming with me now and you're there. No matter what."

At the hospital, everything inside me tightened up. I panicked so badly that I wanted to flee again, but Carlos pulled me along until we ran into Seb. He was sitting on a chair, his face buried in his hands.