His last thought

18| I know

About a half hour later Paige walks out and waves us all in. Kate runs in first and the rest of us follow behind.

"How are you feeling?" Kate asks Caleb. He had a bandage on where they attempted the surgery, an oxygen tube under his nose, the IV where he was getting chemo and a heart rate monitor on his finger.

He looks like a mess.

"I-I don't, I don't know." He says with his eyes still closed.

"We just started him on chemo again. He's going to be tired a lot." Paige tells us.

"I got some Cheetos for you, Caleb." Ashley says and hands him the bag of chips.

He sits himself up and his mom instantly starts to help him up. He leans his back against the back of the bed and grabs the bag of chips.

"Thanks, Ashley." Caleb says.

She just smiles and her and my mom walk out of the room, leaving me, Kate and Paige.

"How long until he's done with this round of chemo?" I ask Paige.

"Until he's done. He's had 14 bags maybe, he's got 26 to go."

"Can you stay in here Morgan? I'm going to grab his bed stuff I brought from the car." Kate asks. I agree and both her and Paige leave.

"Can you see straight?" I ask Caleb as I sit at the foot of his bed. He pulls his knees to his chest again and nods.

"I can see fine. My eyes are tired though." He says and puts his head in his hands and let's out a big sigh. "This is going downhill really fucking fast."

"You just had surgery." I tell him. "And you're here. But, you're going to have to want to move on. You're going to have to want to get through this because if you don't want to then you're not going to."

"I never cared for the longest time. I couldn't tell myself that I actually had cancer but now I'm living in a hospital again and my hairs falling out."

"Wait what?" I ask in a panic. "Your hairs falling out?"

"Yeah. I saw it today."

"What do you want to do?"

"I really don't want to shave it. I just want to let it fall out on its own."

"Didn't you start treatment like a week or so ago?"

"Yeah." Caleb says. "But a shit ton has been pumped into my body in the last two days."

I scotch closer to him and put one of my hand on the back of his neck, making sure not to touch the bandages and the other somewhere on his arm. We start kissing but we stop when we hear someone clear their throat.

"I knew it." Kate says and casually walks over with Caleb's bed things. My mom walks in after her and she just keeps smiling.

"Ashley just left." My mom tells me. I get off the bed and sit in the chair beside the bed. Kate starts putting all Caleb's stuff on his bed and when she finishes, she sits at the foot of the bed where I was.

"Morg, can you spend the night?" Caleb asks. I look up at my mom and she gives a slight nod.

"Can you bring my school bag up?" I ask her. She agrees again and both the moms leave together.

"It's already 7." Caleb says and puts his phone back down.

"Are you tired?"

"Yeah."

"Then go to sleep." I tell him.

He runs his fingers through his hair and a hair ball that could fit in your hand cones out. He keeps looking at it but I quickly take it from him and throw it away. I get up and stand to the side of him so we're both facing the same way and start running my fingers through his hair.

"What are you doing?" He asks me confused.

"Get getting some of this out of the way." I say and throw the hair ball away.

"It's all going to be gone by morning." He says and my heart breaks. "It doesn't matter." He lays down carefully and closes his eyes. I go around and shut off the lights in his room before grabbing a hat. I take off one of the sides to the bed and lay down next to him so I'm facing him as I put the hat on him.

"How'd you learn that?" Caleb asks me.

"I've spent lots of time in hospitals." I say and smile. He smiles a little too and brings up one of his hands.

"Have I ever told you that your eyes are really pretty?" Caleb asks.

I just smile and leave it quiet for a minute. "I know that you're going to get through this. I know that this chemo is wearing you out so much but I know that you can fight this. You've done it before and I know that you will do it again."

"But I'm so tired." He says and a tear falls from one eye.

"I know."

"I don't want to lose my hair either."

"I know."

"I just want this to be over." Caleb says and closes his eyes. I grab the hand he brought up and start rubbing the back of it with my thumb. I don't know when he fell asleep, but I kept the oxygen tube and the pulse monitor on him while he was asleep.

Looking at him like that,
Looking at him like that made me realize how one person could change another ones life so drastically.