His last thought

24| Im ready

"You should go home to get some rest." I tell Kate. She shakes her head with a slight smile.

"You should go home and start going to school agin."

"It's been a week." I say and look back at Caleb who was asleep. "How long has he been sleeping?"

"Since nine last night."

I look up at the clock and see it's two pm.

"When did you last sleep?"

"I don't know. It doesn't matter though."

"Kate, I get that this is hard to see him slip away right in front of you." I try to explain.

"He's already died before. The doctors saved his life right in front of me. They had to restart his heart."

"I watched this one kid die. Her name was Avery and she needed a heart; It actually happened around the time I met Caleb."

"Shit." Kate says with wide eyes. It goes quiet for a while.

"I love Caleb." I blurt out. "We both knew this was going to happen one day, but; I don't know. I don't know what to do or what to feel, because I've seen people die before but Caleb- this is just different."

"I love him too." Kate says and puts a hand on my shoulder. "I knew this was coming too. I just didn't want to admit it."

"He did too. He knew all along. He knew he was going to die, like I knew I was going to die." I say as tears start poring down my face. "I didn't die tough. But Caleb is." I say and break down. Kate hugs me, and I'm pretty sure she was crying too.

I end up falling asleep, but when I wake up I'm alone in the room. Both Caleb and Kate were gone. I start walking around the halls until I see them walking in the halls.

"Why are you guys out here?" I ask as I walk up to them.

"Just going for a walk." Caleb tells me. He was holding onto his IV rack while in a wheelchair and wearing sweats and a hoodie. He had on a beanie too and you could tell he didn't feel good just by looking at him.

I look at Caleb, then at Kate then back at Caleb. It was quiet for a little bit before I walked up to Caleb and hugged him. I could tell it threw him off guard but he hugs me back.

"You knew this was coming." Caleb says in a 'duh' tone. "I'm going home; Not with hospice or anything though. This is it."

"Um." I mumble and let go. Before he could respond I start walking away. I turn the corner and sit down against the wall to try to steady my breathing. I wasn't crying, but my head got lighter.

"Morgan." Dr. Lynn says from above me. She helps me stand up and holds my hands while looking me in the eye.

"Is this really it?" I ask her as my eyes start to get glossy. "Nothing can help? He can barley stand now; he's too weak. A few weeks ago we were going out to parties and shit but now he's going to be on life support any day now?!"

"Caleb signed a 'Do Not Resuscitate' and is going home today. I tried everything but none of it worked. The surgery was very risky too-" 

"How much longer?" I ask her.

"Excuse me?"

"Fuck, how much longer do you think Caleb has? He just had a seizure." I say and the tears start poring down my face.

"Any day now." She says and walks back around the corner. I could feel my heart rate pick up and the room starts spinning. Nothing felt real.

This isn't even my life. It's a boy that I haven't known that long; so why is it such a big deal?

I wipe my tears and take a deep breath before walking out. I go back by Caleb's room and knock before opening the door.

"When are you going home?" I ask him as I walk inside and close the door behind me.

"After we pack up; we-" Caleb starts before having a small coughing fit. When it stops, I noticed a few tears falling down his face.

"Are you okay?" I ask him.

"Yeah, we're leaving soon."

"I know." I say, and Caleb just looks at me weird for a few seconds.

"Where you crying?" He asks me.

I take a deep breath before responding; "I heard you signed a 'DNR'. (Do not resuscitate- look at the end of the chapter for an explanation.) How are you taking all this so lightly?"

"I guess I've just been prepared for it for a while. I've just been so tired lately."

I move the suitcase that was siting on the bed and sit down next to him.

"I'm so scared." I tell him. "I'm scared about all of this. I don't know how to take it-, and for it not to scare you."

"I'm ready." Caleb says and lets out a shaky breath. "After three years of hell, it's over and I'm ready."

"But how is this not scary for you?" I ask him. "I was scared when it happened to me; I'm scared because it's happening to you!"

"I knew that this was going to happen someday. I've been telling myself that for three goddamn years. Im done. We haven't even known each other for that long anyways." He mumbles.

I could feel my breathing get heavier when he says that.

"You're to tired to walk." I tell him. "I knew that the second I walked in here. The wheelchair over there was the giveaway and the fact that you have an IV in your arm says a lot too."

"I know I look like shit." Caleb says and let's out a big sigh. "I'll be home later. I need to take a power nap." He says and lays down. I nod to myself before getting up and walking back outside.

Do not resuscitate (DNR): A medical order given to medical staff  from the patient telling them to not attempt to revive a patient if going into failure (dying).