His last thought

19| shave

When I wake up, I try to get out of the bed without waking up Caleb. I see Kate sitting on the chair next to us and she was on her phone.

"His hair is coming out." I tell Kate. "I'm leaving for school, but just try to get some of the hair that's fallen out out from the rest of it." I tell her.

Dr. Lynn walks in and the two of us go quiet.

"The tumor is spreading faster than we thought. We're trying our best to keep it stable, and keeping him on chemo is slowing it down. We just need your approval to keep him on it 24/7 Ms. Hall." Dr. Lynn says and hands her a clipboard.

"I'll be back in a few hours." I say and walk out. When I get to school, it's later in the day so I walk into the cafeteria. Everyone's eyes go to me as I sit down "what?"

"We heard about Caleb." Bree tells me.

"How?"

"Doesn't matter." She says. "How's he doing?"

"Fucking horrible." I shoot out. "He's doing 24/7 chemo, lost his hair, always tired. I don't know if I'm upset because I love him or because this is just me all over agin."

"You love him?" Corey asks.

It was quiet for a while.

"I don't know." I tell them.

"Do you know when he'll be back home?"

"I don't know anything past tonight. I'm going straight back there after school."

"Is that why you weren't here yesterday." Ava asks and I nod.

"Here." Corey says and hands me a cookie. I push it back to him and look away.

"I can't eat right now." I tell him.

"Have you eaten since Caleb was admitted?" Corey asks and I just shake my head.

"Don't worry about me." I tell them.

After school, I drive as fast as I can back to the hospital. When I walk into Caleb's room, I see Kate sitting in the chair crying.

"Is he still sleeping?" I ask Kate.

"Yeah. You were right, his hair is falling out pretty fast."

I I drop my bag and walk over to him. Over half of his hair was out.

I gently shake him awake and he slowly opens his eyes.

"When'd you get here?" Caleb says and sits up again.

"Right now. Have you been awake at all today?"

"Not really." He says and looks over to his mom. "Mom, are you crying?"

"Don't worry about it baby." She says and walks out.

"She's been so weird about all this." Caleb tells me.

"I can see." I say and grab a chunk of brunette hair off of his pillow. "Come on. Let's just shave it all off."

"No."

"Caleb, please. It'll take a weight off your chest."

"No!" He yells. "I shaved it the last two times."

"You have bald spots all over your head. Let me do it to get it over with."

He just looks at me until his eyes soften. "Fine. You need you grab that wheelchair though." He says and points to a wheelchair resting on the wall. I open it and he moves so he's in it.

"You can't walk?" I ask him.

"No I can, it just wears me out."

"Ah." I say as I take the oxygen tube off of him and hang it on the IV rack.

I wheel him to the bathroom and take the IV with him. He starts digging through his bag and pulls out a razor.

"Can you do it?"

I take the razor from him and put a towel around his neck. I tried to be really gentle while shaving, and when he was done I took the towel away.

"You can look." I say and he looks up into the mirror. I look up too and see him staring at himself. "What do you think?"

"I guess I have cancer." He says blankly. I just sigh and put the razor back in the bag, but I see that the weekly medication container was full.

"Why is this full?" I ask him as I show him the container.

"It makes me feel like shit." He says and stands up. He leans on the counter but doesn't stop looking at himself.

"So does the chemo?"

He grabs the container and opens the one for today. He takes the pills with a little bit of water and walks back over to his bed using the wall to keep himself up.

I sit next to him on the bed and rest my head on his shoulder.

"I think I might like you." Caleb says and looks at me. "You know, like love?"

"No shit." I say and smile. "You know I'll always be there for you."

"I know." he says and kisses me. When he pulls away he kept the smile on his face. He puts the oxygen tube back on and lays back down.

"Are you going back to sleep?" I ask him.

"For a little bit, yeah." He says. I kiss his head before getting out of the bed and walking outside.