Forbidden Desires {Ziall AU}

Chapter 2: I don't need a reason to get high tonight

chapter title from Moodswings by 5 Seconds of Summer

So, I did mean to have this chapter out a day or two ago, but I got sick and taking the advice from my motherly friend (she specifically told me no writing *cough*anotherweasly1 *cough*) I took a few days to rest and recover a bit before diving into this chapter.

For anyone who didn't catch it, I've added a playlist that I put together for this story in the description (because I basically live and breathe music at this point and have to relate every story to songs) so if you want to, please feel free to listen to the playlist while reading!

Also, the last few days have been a fandom rollercoaster. The Elounor break-up, (about damn time) AND the freaking leaked Harry chorus (omfg I need a full version).

Anygays, I won't hold anyone actually reading this up any longer, so enjoy!

I'm such a fucking idiot.

How the hell did I let that happen? Why did he let me? Oh god, what if he tells someone? I can't face him. I can't look at him. No one can know. Why did I do it? I'm not even into guys. But I got off with him. I never thought I would even kiss a guy, let alone fuck one. He wasn't bad looking though, I would date him. If I was into guys, of course. He's from them, the other side. The enemy. We've always hated each other, we're rival gangs, that's what we're meant to do. Countless fights, I've been a part of more than I would like to admit. They're ugly, they're always ugly. But admittedly they always give me an adrenaline rush no matter how many punches I take. I hope he got out okay, I didn't want him left there after what happened. Thankfully, when I walked out the hallway was empty, letting me slip out undetected. I came back to my dorm, one that I share with Liam, my best friend. He's the one person I can count on in this place, we've been friends for years and he knows how to reel me in. I take it too far sometimes. When I walked into the dorm, it was empty. Thank god. I don't think I could have faced anyone. But now, I'm halfway through a bottle of vodka, letting the burning liquid slip down my throat.

"What the hell were you thinking?"

I turn my head, looking up to see a red-faced Liam standing in the doorway. "I have no idea what you're talking about," I mumble, taking another swig of my drink.

He sighs, snatching the drink out of my hand. "You're drunk." He deadpans, rolling his eyes.

"Oh wow, I didn't notice." I scoff, looking out the window. It's dark now, the moon hanging high in the sky.

He grabs a chair, dragging it across the floor. The sound is like nails on a chalkboard, it pierces through my frazzled brain. "What happened?" he asks, his voice now softer than when he first came in.

"Nothing happened," I mumble, feeling soberer.

I can see him out of the corner of my eye, he's leaning forward, studying my face. "If nothing happened, you wouldn't be drunk."

"I get drunk all the time," I laugh, "probably too much for my own good."

"Never alone."

I whip around to face him, only to see a knowing look on his face. I hate it. He knows me more than I know myself sometimes. He knows that if everything was okay, I would be drowning in club lights, surrounding myself with strangers, and dancing in white powder. I never drink alone; it makes me miserable.

"You just took off. You can't do that, not during an interrogation. The guy escaped." He continues, still giving me that fucking stare.

I open my mouth, only to close it again. It's not like I can say, oh yeah, I only fucked the poor lad. No big deal.

"What happened?" he coaxes, and I know he is only trying to be a good friend, but I really wish he would leave me alone. Can't he tell I don't want to talk about it?

I stand up, pacing over and lighting a cigarette. "Nothing happened." I breathe, running an anxious hand through my hair.

"Look, I-" He starts, but I can't take it anymore. If he keeps on prying I know I will say something I will regret.

"Please, just leave it alone." I seethe, taking a drag and letting the nicotine try to soothe my wild thoughts.

The room falls silent, and I can feel the questioning pair of eyes on the back of my head. I don't face him, I can't. I hate hurting my best mate. So, I never do it, not intentionally at least. He's not dumb, he knows I'm hiding something. But I know he will also respect me if I don't want to tell him.

I need to get out, I can't stay here.

I grab my car keys off the dresser, making my way towards the door.

"Where are you going?" he asks, as my hand touches the knob.

I sigh, "I don't know." I whisper, unsure if he heard me. But, from the silence I take it, he did.

I make my way through the door, speeding down the hallway. Trying to get anywhere but this godforsaken place. I don't hate it here, but sometimes you can feel like you're drowning.

But, before I can get too deep into my head, I manage to smack straight into someone. I look up to see blonde streaks and a baby face. Could this day get any better?

You have got to be fucking kidding me. "You have got to be fucking kidding me."

I push past him, not failing to notice his wide eyes and open mouth. How many times do I have to say it, I need to get away from here. I jump into my car, resting my head on the steering wheel for a moment. I start the engine, pulling out of my spot.

Just a moment of peace, that's all I ask.

Word Count: 878

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