Forbidden Desires {Ziall AU}

Chapter 9: heaven won't be the same

chapter title from Heaven by Niall Horan

Warning, this is literally just a filler chapter of slight smut but mostly fluff.

I push into him, his hole adjusting around my throbbing dick. He lets out a soft whine, his breath tickling my shoulder. I can feel heat rolling off him in waves as he clings to me. I can barely think with the hazy state of my mind right now, consumed with Niall. His taste, his smell, how he feels, all of it.

"Fuck..." I murmur, hiding beneath the darkness of my eyelids. "Your so- fucking tight."

Opening his eyes, he shifts his hips a little, making me groan. Without hesitation, I press my lips to his in a soft kiss. We move together, dipping tongues every now and then. I'm not sure how long we make-out for, tut its long enough for him to start letting out these small noises against my lips. Until he's whispering against me, "Please- just fucking move."

I obey, pulling out of him to thrust back in. The drag sends shocks through my whole body, and my head drops onto his shoulder. I place a fleeting kiss to his neck as I pick up a steady rhythm, rocking in and out of him softly.

My elbows are resting on either side of his head, and I don't think we've ever been this close during sex before. With my face pressed to his neck, the vibrations of his tiny whines pressing against the side of my face. I pull back to look at his face, to see his eyes glazed over and rolling into his head. His red and bruised lips are parted sinfully, and I capture them in my own, with a passion only he knows.

I don't think we've ever fucked like this before, now it feels full of passion and intimacy, and I know that he must feel it too. Things have changed, neither of us have said anything but the shift is hard to miss. I don't sleep in my room most days; it doesn't feel the same. Doesn't feel like home. The walls are bland and it smells slightly stale, like no one has used it in years. Whereas Niall's room has music posters lining the walls, even a guitar hung on one. Pilled up on his desk are disorganised bits of paper, and the small black notebook that taunts me.

It's the one thing I'm not allowed to look inside, yet I see him scribbling in it all the time. His room smells of the sweet soy candle resting on the windowsill, and just him. He always smells like this sweet aroma I can never put my finger on, yet it always feels so familiar.

The last time we had sex was before the incident, because that's what we call it now, the day everything changed. Some days we live in our small little bubble. We waste away the day on whatever ridiculous show we decided to binge that morning. He's the only thing that can make me stop thinking about what happened, the only thing that can pull me out of my toxic thoughts for even a moment. Without him, I would have gone insane. Although, he's the reason I'm in this mess in the first place, the reason for my conflicting thoughts. I push it out of my mind, focusing on the warmth rapidly pooling at the bottom of my stomach.

With a few more thrusts he's coming up his chest with a low moan, I follow him soon after. Throwing away the condom and getting a towel to clean us up, I settle in beside him and he curls in next to me.

I don't know what I would do without him, and the thought makes me pull him closer. He seems to notice, tilting his head up to look at my face with a slightly furrowed brow. I've learned that's his silent way of asking if I'm okay, and I always respond with a small smile, this time is no different.

With a little wriggling, I'm behind him with an arm around his waist. We never used to spoon each other, but lately it's something that brings us both comfort. In a way, it makes me feel closer to him. For once it makes me feel in control of my life, something that I don't feel lately. It makes me feel wanted, and I don't think I've felt that in a long time. I certainly don't feel wanted anywhere I go lately.

But today he won't stay still, he keeps wriggling around in my arms. I tighten my arm around his waist, rubbing small circles into his hi[, hoping that would settle him a little. It doesn't. I prop myself up on my elbow to look down at him, and he looks up at me with an innocent smile. "Are you ok?" I whisper.

I watch as the smile on his face twists into a smirk, and before I know it, I'm being pushed onto my back. He towers over me with his arms beside my head. He rests his forehead against mine, dragging a hand down my cheek, leaving a searing heat in its wake. It's like someone stomped all the oxygen from my body, leaving me breathless. I hear my shallow breath rippling through the air between us while his eyes flit over my face.

He turns my body over and fits behind me, fitting his face in the back of my neck. "You could have just asked, you know." I chuckle.

He hums in response, sending small sparks radiating through my body. My gaze rests on the guitar resting on the stand in the corner, and my curiosity manages to get the best of me. "You play guitar, right?"

He lets out a small sigh, tightening his arm around my waist. "Yeah, it's the only thing I do most of the time."

"Other than me?" I laugh, I'm way too proud of that one.

Luckily, he laughs along with me. "Yeah, if you want to put it like that."

"Can you sing?" I manage to whisper, seeing the light-hearted smile while my mother taps the piano keys in the back of my eyelids.

"My brother always said I could," he pauses for a moment like he doesn't know how to answer. It feels like it's almost been a full minute before he speaks again. "I don't think I can..." he trails off.

I think for a moment, would it be going too far? Would it be crossing a line? "Sing to me."

His body tenses behind me, and I think he might have stopped breathing for a moment.

"I won't judge you, if it makes you feel better, I can't sing for shit.' I chuckle, placing my hand on top of his.

"Ok." He breathes.

My heart lights up a little, and I wonder if he can feel how fast it's beating.

"Any requests?" he whispers, and I swear I can hear a slight tremble in his voice. It makes me realise that this isn't something else we've done. He's trusting me with something about himself that I don't think he shows very many people. He's always confident about everything, but maybe he isn't as confident in himself as I thought.

"Anything."

A beat later his breath tickles my ear, and his voice is unlike anything I've heard before.

It's magical.

I don't recognise the song, but I couldn't care less. I can hear his accent even when he sings, and his soft voice carries through the room. I close my eyes, letting the soft lull of his voice let my mind wander into a deep slumber. My heart skips a beat every time he hits a high note, and it makes me realise that there is so much I don't know about him. So much that I want to know because as much as I hate to admit it, I might be a little fond of him.

And you and me go up in flames, heaven won't be the same.

Word Count: 1328

Hello anyone who is reading, before you leave to go enjoy your next book I'd just like to let you know that I'm going on holiday for the next 3 weeks so I won't be uploading anything until I get back. I will still be writing though, so there will probably be quite a few successive chapters just over a week into May.

Thank you!