Forbidden Desires {Ziall AU}

Chapter 5: I guess I'm a disappointment

chapter title from Let You Down by NF

Hello!

Here is the next chapter, not much to say, to be honest. However, I have updated the trigger warnings as this chapter does include slight domestic abuse, as well as references to that.

The soft mattress presses against my back as I try to steady my breathing, coming down from my high. I feel his body next to mine, and I refuse to admit the warmth I'm feeling is because of him. I wrap my arms around his shoulders, and like clockwork, he fastens around my waist. It's become normal, sleeping in the same bed. There's never an uncomfortable moment between us anymore. Sometimes when he's not there, this emptiness in my chest creeps in. Which only gets reignited when our fleeting eyes meet. Or when I get to touch his burning skin during one of our secret moments, feeling the way he goes pliant in my arms.

"Is it nice?" I whisper, his soft hair tickling my chin.

He takes a moment before whispering back, "Is what nice?"

I sigh, "Being the second child, not having all the pressure." It would be nice if my father paid my sister half the attention he pays me, so she would feel like she belongs in our family.

"You mean the disappointment?" he murmurs, and his arms tighten around my waist, pulling himself impossibly closer to me.

"You're not a disappointment," I reply, the words leaving my mouth before I process them.

He scoffs, "That's not what they think."

It's silent for a moment, my mind taking a moment to process what he said, unpack the hidden meaning. "You believe them." I breathe, the pieces clicking together like a puzzle.

Now it's his turn to be mute, the feeling of his body against mine the only reminder he is still here. Honestly, I'm speechless. How could someone so amazingly perfect think they're a disappointment?

"They're wrong." I stutter, tightening a protective arm around him.

"How do you know?" he pulls away from me, enough to look into my eyes. "You know nothing about me."

I think about the statement for a moment, my gaze flicking between each of his eyes. "I know enough."

He stares back at me, unwavering. Until he manages to untangle his limbs from mine and turn over, his back facing me. I stare at him shamelessly. How did I not know? He always seems so confident, comfortable in his own skin. He never seems vulnerable. Yet there is a web of insecurity inside him, stealing the darkest corners of his mind.

"You're one of the most selfless people I've met." I say, but so quiet I'm not sure if he heard me. The room is dark now, but I can still see the outline of his shoulder through the moonlight.

"That's the problem."

I let his words sink in, and I wrap an arm around his waist, pulling his back flush against my chest. He relaxes against me, sinking into my touch almost instantly. "You're worth more than you'll ever know."

***

The look on his face shows me more than words ever could, it always does. He thinks that he is hard to read when he may as well spell everything out to me. The small quirk of his eyebrow he always does, meaning that he's interested in what you're saying. The tiny smirk that crosses his face, he thinks whatever you said is funny, but he doesn't want you to know that. When you compliment him, he looks down and fiddles with his hands. I don't think he gets compliments often; he's always embarrassed when I give him one. His laugh brings light to any room, filling the atmosphere with a warm glow. It's contagious, he's contagious. When we're here like we are now, laying with his head on my chest, I feel like I might float away. Descending into heaven or hell, whoever the fuck will take me.