Forbidden Desires {Ziall AU}

Chapter 17: some and now none of you

chapter title from The Night We Met by Lord Huron

Hello everyone!

I'm so sorry that this chapter has taken so long, I don't have any excuse, just a good old case of writer's block :(

Anyway, I finally got it done and I'm happy with how it turned out, so please enjoy!

DISCLAIMER: Zayn persues Niall when he doesn't want to see him

You know, it would be very useful if the person that I'm trying to talk to doesn't avoid me at every turn. Doesn't help that he blocked me, that's for sure. I have this terrible habit of looking at my cracked phone screen (don't ask) for messages I know aren't going to be there. Liam tends to send a disapproving glare my way as soon as my phone is in my hand.

I'm determined today. I'll talk to him. I don't even care if it's about whatever the hell this mess I made is. I need him to know what my father is planning at the very least. I can't have him walking blind into whatever my father has in store for them.

I walk into the cafeteria, taking a spot next to Liam and of course, stealing his food. He doesn't mind. The people are in the middle of a passionate conversation, strong-willed opinions bouncing off the walls. They don't like this person, someone offended them, they have a different opinion to everyone else. Don't know, don't care.

I finally see him. After weeks of avoiding me, I finally see him. You have no idea how fast I'm out of my seat and making my way towards him. His eyes lock with mine, and I see the panic strike his vision, his face almost paling. He turns around to leave the cafeteria but I'm standing in front of him in a flash. He looks like he's seen a ghost.

I get close to him, leaning down to whisper in his ear, "I need to talk to you, alone." When I pull back he's looking at me with wide eyes but follows me nonetheless when I make my way out of the room. We make our way to an empty supply closet down the hall, but he stays near the door. He's wrapped his arms around his body, head bowed, he's refusing to look at me.

"Niall," I walk up to him, leaving only an inch of space between us. "I need you to listen to me. I-"

"Why should I listen to anything that you have to say when you didn't listen to me?" he asks, finally tilting his head up so his eyes meet mine. He doesn't even look angry, and his voice is steady. But his eyes give away what his voice didn't, unmistakable hurt.

I swallow the lump growing in my throat, looking away from his piercing gaze. I know he's angry and hurt, but I need him to know this isn't about us. "Look, I know you're hurt-" He cuts me off before I can finish my sentence.

"You know." He deadpans, "How do you know" I can see the hurt on his face morphing into an ugly anger pushing its way to the surface. "You haven't spoken a goddamn fucking word to me for weeks! How the hell do you know if you hurt me when you won't even talk to me!"

"What do you think I'm trying to do now?" I yell, both of our voices rising far above the small space. "If you want me to talk to you, let me fucking talk!"

"Your too late," he mumbles, coming down from the anger as fast as it escalated. He's stepping back, looking to make his escape.

Then, you'll never guess, I go and do the stupidest thing I have ever done. I turn him around, pushing him back against the door and into a bruising kiss. For a moment, everything seems right. It looks like this is normal. Like this could be my life. That is before reality sets in, and he pushes me off with a force that sends me flying into the opposite wall.

"What the fuck," he whispers, and I don't think I would have been able to hear it if I wasn't listening for it. But despite this, he pulls me in by my neck, planting a lustful kiss on my lips. He's moving against me, rubbing his body on mine at such a pace, my mind can't even imagine keeping up. The fire is spreading up my spine, heavy breaths the only language spoken between us. I'm unzipping his jeans, reaching in to cup him through his pants. I swallow his moan, and he works his way down my neck. He latches on, sucking a bruise on a spot, making me squirm. Grabbing my waist, he fastens me to the wall. There's nothing I can do but take it.

I know I shouldn't, I know it's terrible. There's so much left unsaid in the air around us. And it's now that I realize sometimes, I have to be the bigger person, to do the hard thing when he won't.

"Niall, w-" he pulls my lip between his teeth, cutting the strings of any thoughts racing their way around my head. An embarrassing sound escapes my lips. But the voice nags at the back of my brain, trying to fight its way through the fuzz.

I finally manage to find the strength to resist his intoxicating grip. "W-wait, stop." I plead, and he's off me in an instant, eyes wide and mouth bruised.

"Sorry, I'm so sorry." He rambles, pushing his hands into his hair and tugging tighter than I've ever seen him before.

I shake my head, going to take a step forward but deciding against it. "Please, don't apologize. I just have something really important to tell you. And I completely understand if you don't want to hear a word that comes out of my mouth right now, but I need you to just listen for a moment,"

He stays silent, nodding for me to go ahead.

I clear my throat, "My father, he...he wants to destroy your family, he thinks you're a threat or something." That's a big fat fucking lie.

He doesn't make a sound, and he might be in a state of shock. He blinks around a few times when I brush my hand against his shoulder. "B-but they've never cared before, why now?" his voice is trembling a little, and it makes me feel terrible. I never liked hearing his voice like this, let alone because of me.

"I don't know," I mumble, I can't tell him. I don't even know if he knows. Maybe I'm overthinking it? Yeah, that must be right. He surveys his eyes over my body, and that's when my resolve crumbles. "Please," I'm begging now. "This isn't about us, it's about everything. They will kill you. And everyone you care about. They will strike, and when they do you won't make it out alive."

His eyes blow wide, traveling over my face. "Zayn," he sighs, and the zip of electricity pumps its way down through my body. "You know that I can't tell them, right? How would I explain how I found out? And how would your father react when he knows we were already warned?"

I feel myself deflate. "Sorry," I mumble.

He sighs, starting to pace around the small space before his arms drop, "I can't do this anymore."

"Niall," I falter, lunging to grab his wrist. "Please..."

He keeps his head down, not looking at me. "Let me go,"

"Niall...please." I tremble, trying desperately to hold onto him.

He flexes his arm in my grip, eyes setting on me once more. "Let. Me. Go." His voice is steady, the warmth in his eyes gone. I can't help but catch the double meaning in his clipped tone, the ice setting over his eyes, locking himself away.

I let him go, so he leaves, taking my heart with him.