Forbidden Desires {Ziall AU}

Epilogue: no one could control me, left my lovers lonely

chapter title form Old Me by 5 Seconds of Summer

Hello lovely people!
This story is officially long enough to be considered a full length novel!
I'm so sorry of the delay, I know the chapter was meant to be out yesterday but I wanted to get it perfect for you all!
I won't say too much here, but I hope you enjoy the epilogue, my more rambly thank you notes will be under the chapter!
For the very last time, enjoy!

PS: Zayn's album announcement?? Hello?? I feel like no one is talking about it but I'm going feral I swear to god. Like 'room under the stairs'?? okay, Harry Potter.

TRIGGER WARNING: Very brief mention of blood

~Five Years Later~

I never thought it would be so easy to fake your own death. I suppose it's easy when the family doesn't go to the police. Police have a habit of sticking their noses in everything. They don't need to, and they won't, thanks to them. They have a habit of accepting it so. They didn't bother to check for a back door to the burning building. They didn't check my accounts, where my car was, or the absence of possessions at my apartment. It was all too easy. Suspiciously so, yet no one will come looking. He had his heir, there was no use for me anymore. The small cabin by the sea Liam had bought is our hiding place. The place barely has functioning internet, let alone neighbours. He had bought new phones a few days ago. Even though I was certain no one would come, he wanted to be sure. We threw our phones off the cliff before heading inside on the first night, the bricks now lost to the ocean.

I look up into the small mirror above the sink. The intricate designs on my neck take my notice immediately. The red pops against my skin. At this point, there's more of my body covered in tattoos than plain skin. I couldn't stop myself. I kept going back time after time for more and more ink. It was the only thing keeping me distracted from everything else. My father didn't care what I did in my spare time if I did my job. A pale scar cuts across my jawline, and I bring my hand to trace it. It's almost like I can feel the knife again, and see the blood oozing onto my hands. There's nothing but ice under my gaze. The eyes that once used to shine are dulled with age-like pieces of jewellery. Maybe I need a polish. There's no trace of the old me in the mirror. He got buried along with my morals a long time ago. Yet, the one fleeting spark of hope was the only thing to keep me going.

The only part of me that knew I had to leave.

I sigh, leaving the person in the mirror staring at their reflection while I sit on the sofa. I grab a packet of cigarettes, lighting up without hesitation. The bitterness floods my mouth, travelling down to my lungs before being released into the room around me. My body is lulled into a sense of calm for a few moments. These are the few moments where my memories don't taunt me with perfect fantasies.

It's worse at night. When the world is still around me, I'm left to my thoughts. My mind can't help but run wild with all the possibilities and lives I could have had if I played my cards a little bit differently. There are worlds where I didn't have to sacrifice so much of myself to find happiness. But those worlds are fictional. Reality doesn't work like that. Things go wrong in reality. Not everything works out for the better. Life screws you over and you have to suck it up and keep on going. If you fall into that pit of despair for too long, you're done for.

"Here," Liam rounds the couch, handing me a plate of less-than-appetising spaghetti.

"Jesus," it slips out before I can stop it, I scrunch my nose up at the 'food'.

I hear Liam sigh beside me, "I know, but there's only so much I can do."

"I know," I smile, stabbing my fork into the pasta, "thanks."