ALWAYS HIM.

CHAPTER 22

Somethings aren't meant to be held just like time. It flews so fast not waiting for anything or anyone. Sometimes we just want to stay in some moments forever but eventually every moment pass leaving memories behind. The memories which bear the witness of our happiness and sorrows. He left for California yesterday. Four months have passed since my confession to him. Since I told him I liked him. We didn't talked about it after that night and I was relieved as well as worried. Relieved because I don't want him to get awkward with me and worried because I thought he forget that night as if it never happened. Once or twice he asked randomly whether I still like him or not and all the time I said yes. Listening to this he always said one thing. I think with time you will realise that I am not your worth. Its been four months already. We have published our magazine which was a successful event as well. Our boss Katherine threw an amazing party for both the teams. And he has told me he will be leaving a day after party and just like that he went. He went without saying anything. Went without looking back at me. And with that my already broken heart shattered completely. I can't say this to him now but as usual I decided to write it down on  paper. Pretending as if I am talking to him.

Dear Weirdo,
                       You left for California yesterday. Leaving me and my broken heart behind. You said we will be in touch with each other and we can still talk and text each other like we used to do but why did it felt like a goodbye. You know I have preparing myself for this day since the last four months but no matter how much I have prepared my heart for this I wasn't ready to let you go. I was holding onto something which was never meant to be and that hurts like shit. Loving someone with every fucking fiber of your being will not just breaks the heart. It kills all the hope and expectations for the future. Before you I was fine. I was happy and content with my life. The bubbly and cheerful Anna my friends and family knew is lost somewhere now. With you in my life I was ecstatic. But now I feel like I lost myself in your unrequited love. Love. A four letter word holds such a power over our hearts and minds. How am I going to live my life without you? I can't even imagine a future where you wouldn't be there but it has become my reality now. Because you left and here I am sitting here and writing this pretending you are the one who is listening to me. I know my love was one sided but why did it felt like there was a something between us. A connection which binds us together. With you I have always felt at ease. Never pretend to be someone else because I knew you will never judge me for who I am and you said the same things to me. You said with me you feels comfortable to share anything. You said you like talking to me and you always said you miss me. That you were thinking about me. Was it all a lie? Or was it you being just friends? Why did you call me beautiful and perfect ? Why did you say you want someone like me to be  your partner? Why did you say its impossible to believe that any man can deny my love ? Why Weirdo? Why did you gave me hope only crush it in the end. Maybe you say all those things to your friends but you already knew what I felt for you then why did you make me special as if I was some important part of your life ? My heart is still beating as usual but the ache doesn't stop. And the pain is  really and I mean literally is  clenching my heart squeezing it. Did you really thought my feelings for you are a timely thing and it will go away eventually. I have loved you Weirdo. I still do. And love don't go away even if the lover is not in the picture anymore. It's going to be very hard to let you go because you were never mine to begin with. You and I. I can't describe what we were. Friends? Lovers ? Because I don't have the answer to my own question but I know onething for sure. You were my everything Weirdo. I am going to stop writing to you from now. I have to do this for myself. Just like I gave you the power to destroy me I owe atleast this much from myself to try to move on from you. You know you came like a tidal wave. You hit me hard on the shore and went back to ocean and I stood there watching you going back. I hope I will try to move on. Bye weirdo.

Yours shorty
Anna.

I closed my journal with blurry eyes. Fresh tears gathered in my eyes. I wiped my tears and took a deep breathe. I need to calm down. I can't let my friends see me like this they will get worried and I don't want to trouble anyone right now. I think I should read a book it will take my mind off from the world and its problems. Reading was always like a therapy to me. No matter how worried or stressed I am. Reading always makes me feel good. To be precise I get so  engrossed in fictional world I forget about the real world. I selected a book on my kindle and dived into the fictional world. After some time I realised its not working today. Infact it is reminding me more of him. I kept it aside and went out to find Hayley and Nora in the living room.

"What are you guys watching"? I asked as I sat between them.

"Just a comedy show". Hayley smiled.

They knew I am upset and that's why they were giving me time for myself.

"How are you feeling now"? Nora asked politely.

"I am fine". I lied.

"Don't say fine when it's clear you are not. You can say whatever you are feeling. We are here for you". Nora said.

"Anna. We know you are upset and we know how much you are suffering but don't think you are alone in this. We will always be with you in every situation of your life". Hayley said.

"I know girls. And I am so lucky to have you by my side. Thanks for everything". I smiled at them.

"You know what. We are going to have our girls night tonight".

"But Nora don't you guys have work tomorrow"? Its Tuesday tomorrow and I took a week off from my work. Actually Katherine has given all of us a week off as we have worked so hard for the last six months.

"Yes we have but we can get up in the morning even if we sleep late". She replied.

"You are saying that"? I chuckled. Among five of us Nora is the sleeping beauty. She loves to sleep all the time.

"I am going to prepare some food for us. Nora you call Ash and Sel and tell them to come back soon. This is going to be fun". Hayley claps her hands in excitement and ran towards kitchen. 

"Do you want any help"? I yelled from living room.

"No you just relax and select a good movie and some games for tonight". She yelled back.

"I am calling Selena. Can you call Ash"? Nora asked.

"Sure". I muttered as I dialled Ashley's number. She picks up immediately.

"Hi Anna. How are you"?

"I am fine Ash. Where are you"?

"I am at book shop and then I am going out for dinner with Mark. Why"?

"It's nothing. Nora out of blue decided to have girls night but no worries. You can go with Mark. I'll inform her".

"Don't say anything to her because I'll be home in half an hour".

"But you said"

"I am not missing our girls night. I am coming so wait for me. Bye".

"Bye Ash".  I hung up the phone.

"Selena will be home soon". Nora informed.

"Ash said the same thing".

After around forty five minutes all five of us gathered in the living room and that's how our girls night started. We ate, watched movies and played some games. These girls turned my shitty day into a wonderful one.

"Thanks a lot for all your efforts guys. I love you all". I smiled.

"And we love you too Anna". Selena hugs me followed my the remaining three making it a group hug.